The Life Doula 2020


Last year I started off the working year figuring our a marketing strategy and developing what hashtags I should use. A year on I can finally say that I cracked it and I’m very pleased with what I have figured out about both myself and my business. So here they are and that they also come in a specific order.

#thelifedoula #lifedoula #selfhealer #cptsd #personalactivism #healyourselffirst #flawsome #rebirth #selfhealing #traumahealing #emotionalhealing #relationalhealing #generationalhealing #ancestralhealing #landhealing #communtiyhealing #collectivehealing #systemichealing #planetaryhealing #itsallconnected #healinghumans #traumainformed #emotionalmapping #systemiccontellations #wellbeingeconomy #changemakers #activists #thebasics #nurturance

It’s been an absolute mission to get to all of these and also to figure out exactly what I do. How I do it and why. Who with and what for. Although many of those answers might have been easy the definitive has been very hard. Although my marketing and hashtags mission my not have got exactly where I need to be in business it has given me some amazingly valuable insight about where I want to be and life as well as where I need to be for business and even more importantly what I need to grow both personally and professionally.

In fact, Purple Chilli short free course brought me to some incredible insight into exactly what I do, that finally gave me some incredible insight into what I specialise in as The Life Doula.

I’m a trauma-informed Life Coach that specialises in systemic healing. I can help you identify toxic systems and how to change them. I work with changemakers of the Eur

What is more, I’m going to use my blog post throughout 2020 to explain my hashtags further. You see systemic trauma is that nebulous thing that you can’t quite put your finger on. It’s the system man. It’s capitalism, education, city planning, the tech we use, our family units and so much more. It’s why so many of us feel out of step and disconnected. That is the fact, everything is connected, the personal informs the professional and the professional impacts the planetary. Now more then ever we need to acknowledge that both inwardly and outwardly.

Over the last year, it’s has been an incredible journey of learning more deeply about how the micro informs the macro. The connection between neuroplasticity and planetary destruction and everything in between. The learning never ends at the same time it seems all my learning is beginning to make more and more sense become more integrated and give me far more confidence in what I do.

You see it can be really challenging to take on the entire system, while simultaneously developing a new profession that challenges the accepted processes of emotional wellbeing.

For me, the best place we can start to change the system is with ourselves. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing and why I’ve made some radical changes after some tough realisations that centre round Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and issues of Co-dependency. Aye, that.

Because we are all fucked up traumatised and looking at the big issues without taking control of the small ones. Without deeply committing to the Dharma (me included).  To say that the discovery of term systemic trauma has been revolutionary for me and also deeply liberating multiple ways. Because it’s not just me it’s the system. Even the way that I might write think or put together my business has been nausea (that the polyvagal nerve btw) inducing roller coaster.

My doula practice is not informed by what I’ve been told. It’s about what I have learned and moving way far beyond my own ego it’s about what is necessary for global change. Yes really. And yes really, I believe it. I believe that we can all heal. First of all, we have to understand what is wrong. It’s not us. It’s that nebulous thing, systemic trauma thing that expects us to fit into a system not designed for the human experience. The more healed I become the more deeply aware I am that systems need to change for us to be happier. I need to change, to change the system. As a result of this realisation, I have gone through my own revolution, making major life changes to be able to do what I do. I’ve come to a much deeper understanding of my own trauma and the things that I have to heal in my life to better nurture myself and able to serve my clients and the world more deeply.  That there are things that we need to heal for ourselves and that we can’t depend on anybody else to fix it for us, nor are we able to fix anyone else without their enthusiastic consent.

So here I come to my explanatory note about what’s happened and why I have decided to move continents.

The break down in my personal family relationships due to systemic trauma. Oh yes, that. I’m not immune and I’m entirely responsible. Seriously who could expect to fall in love with someone from one of the most traumatised countries in the world and think that there wouldn’t be some bumps in the road? Of course, there are and that’s ok. The main thing is that both of us are both physically and emotionally and the rest is down to the healing process.

For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.” – Cynthia Occelli

Even though I moved to South Africa as a Love Migrant the idea that I was in any way entitled to work there has always been deeply problematic for me on a systemic level. Profiteering from the fate of the African continent at the hands of the colonialist is par for the course of most ex-pats or NGO’s. Quite frankly I have found it sickening over the years. I’m still doing the internal work as to understand why it triggers me so much and hope to be coming up with some writing about it too. I have hope my experience can inform future practitioners and projects.  If you want to find out more about what I do in this scope you can check out my other website https://kimberleykstone.com/ where I’m starting to explore all these ideas more deeply.

The primary premise of the work that I do is built on relies on building secure attachments, as well as the physical presence of support.  With an emerging family crisis and an ongoing visa situation, it has become obvious that I need to be building from a strong foundation. I believe that what I am offering is deeply personal solutions to global problems. That healing humans is at the centre of the process of the currently planetary crisis we are facing. Trauma comes in a spectrum and that our responses have range that are largely informed by our physiology. It’s all limbic systems, adrenal overload and vagal nerve stuff. That i”m sure I’ll be writing a lot more about in the future.

I love South Africa. It’s country that I couldn’t speak more highly of if you paid me. The people, the landscapes, the culture, the wildlife,  and even the weather. It’s all been mindblowing in the best ways possible. Breaking down my own prejudices and perceptions. Whatever you might think about South Africa as a nation it is far more complex than you might ever imagine. I have done my best every day to fully understand this deeply diverse, complex and traumatised country. What I can tell you for sure. That there is no blame in the road to recovery.  It’s no one sub-group that is suffering it’s everybody. More than this with a shared collective vision it’s a country with the resilience and commitment to healing. The Rugby World Cup Win last year was evidence of that.

The process of coming to terms with this incredible geographic shift has come with plenty of personal challenges that have led to me having to come a deeper understanding of my own personal activism, where nurturance and the realms of love really begin. That beyond being kind and compassionate to one’s self there are personal and interpersonal behaviours that have been learnt through systemic dysfunction. That I am working hard to break out of. That we need to alter our behaviours to get out of a  system that no longer works for us.

Rebirth isn’t easy you see you have to be destroyed, you have to lose everything. Yet there is a twist you have to lose everything to gain everything. As many of you will know that I didn’t come to the process or idea of becoming The Life Doula because I read a few books and thought emotional healing and trauma were an unrecognised phenomenon of modern-day life. I actually lived through some shit. Some serious fucking shit that most people recoil from about sentence number two. Anyways it would be of no surprise that the people and that I choose to share my life with be it friends or family carry equal amounts of trauma. I know my well being can impact everybody around me. Over the last year, I’ve been watching Red Table Talk and been in awe of 3 generations of women talking openly about some awkward and necessary issues. From addiction to self-harm. At some point in those conversations there came the idea that some people are forged rather raised. That was something that really resonated with me. That’s how I feel now.

It would be easy to feel sorry for myself about the unfortunate events of 2018/2019. Yes, I’ve cried about it. Wailed about it. Given other people permission to wails too. Yet at the same time, I’ve rejoiced, felt incredibly grateful and possibly the most supported I’ve felt in my entire life. You see I have my own clan now Whanau the friends that are your family. More than that I feel both deeply loved and a deep sense of love, stronger than I have ever known.


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