God this feel like rabbit warren of toxicity that I’m not even sure that I am capable of writing about much less willing too. Yet here I a am self-employed and ready to jump into the most highly triggering topic of conversation know to man or other. Yes, the system is corrupt. Yes the system is rigged. Yes the system is toxic. You probably have to go get a vomit bucket, a dartboard and well something else that might help you manage your rage-induced madness that explodes when we discover the complex and numerous way in the system is toxic.
When we get deep down and dirty with all the way that the human race are literally fucking our selves over in order to get a temporary power buzz. Yeah, go you. Many a wounded patriarch has sat gently at the bar sanguinely calling in the return of benevolent kings. I’m really not that sure that one ever existed. You know the rule of law is a tough thing. Any South Africa will tell what it is like to have a country soley held together by the power of it’s judiciary.
All governments are corrupt and all leaders are doing their best to manage the ways in which governments are corrupted. You see I’m not interested in the big structures I’m interested in the tiny wee ones. I’m interested in the women’s circle, what people take for leadership and where people might learn a lot more about themselves if they just bothered to listen. I’m not here to heal you unless you want to be healed. It’s a school of hard knocks honestly. I’m not here to be overly nice and even psycho-fanatic (sycophant) and it’s quite a thing to have finally found your voice. To be saying what you feel and ready for the gaslighting. It’s ok to be wrong. I’ve been wrong all my life. It’s ok to be called out I’ve been called out all my life. When all of a sudden resilience finds us and we know that even though power has been corrupted misused and even misguided; as one individual person we still have the power to reside in our own souls and find out own ‘rightness’.
The abuse of power is so easy. It’s as simple as throwing someones food away without consent. (I did that). I’ve literally got to the point of being bored of being good. That doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily bad it just that kindness and consideration is optional once a crossed a certain a certain threshold. You get what you give.
I’m not sure if this is exactly the hinge point at which society may begin to breakdown. Where entitlement ends and radical self-reliance comes into being. I hate to be cynical about society and the truth is that for the most part of my life I have always been an optimist; if a highly critical one. The truth is though I have been viewing the world through my own perspective. My own niceness, my own good heart. The idea of fairness. You see hurt people hurt people. I’ve been making allowances for that my whole life. Finding ways to extend the embracing heart of compassion, so that abusers might learn to heal as I have. The things is that few people choose to heal and I see now that what is really going on. I overextend my sense care in the hope that it might invoke healing. It’s a form of abuse all of it’s own. A sublet one I grant you and yet there it is. All the justifications and responsibility for the state that feels the need to roll into fix things. All those broken unproductive people. Who are in fact exactly where they need to be. Finding the space to be themselves. Finding a way out of systemic abuse. I look to the out cat for inspiration.
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