Remember when family dynamics was a polite way to say “My family are totally mental?” We threw ‘family dynamics’ around like it’s not a big puss blister waiting to explode. “Yeah there are a lot of family dynamics” I think what it really means is that there is a lot of unresolved relational trauma in our family. Now that right there equals a radically deep level of self awareness.
Take it a bit further and you might begin to relise that it’s intergenerational. That the realtionship wounds that you are perpetuating go back about 15 generations or actually only 2. After all most of us have a grand parent or even parent that lived in the Second Word War. Major global upheaval that few of us have expereince until of course now.
The question that has been plaguing me lately is that in a post ruth world do we have the right to question someones reality? I’ve been thingking about it alot. For a a whole plethora of reasons but largely in realtion to trauma healing. It’s also something that I have been working with as I deepen my understanding of Complex Post traumatic Stress Disorder. How it can warp our reality. How it can make things seem real that aren’t. How the past present and future can all get mixed up with one another. it’s so much of what happens in the ancestral field too. We see people playing out the roles of their fatehr and their great-grandfathers. The patterns endlessly repeating with no way to stop it.
Yet in our bones we seem to know this. How do we make sure our lives don’t turn out the way our parents did. Our we meet the same fate as our Granparents. It seems that since the 1950’s we have been changing the very nature of family. After all isn’t the perfect on nuclear? What does that even mean? That tradition has been corroded to myth and propriety has been replaced with irreverance. That up until now all the old ways have been taken as heracy. Yet still we live in families, even if they are ‘broken’ ones. It’s strange to think that love can be broken and yet it is.
We cry for the things that haven’t happened in our family lives and that is as much of understanding trauma as everything. Somtimes it’s not about the the things that did happen it’s about that didn’t. You see from somewhere within the collective consciousness we are told that should have a happy family. That the situations that we are born into shoule automatically meet our needs. They so often don’t. That we pick the right partners who will makes us happy and love us forever, which is now rare. We want to believe that families offer the perfect opportunities to potentiate our lives, sometimes they hold us back or force us forwars on tragectories that we could would never have chose yet there they are.
Our lives patterned nad projected outward for us before we have even made out of the whom. We are born with the burden of our own birth. Depending on what you believe we chose to be here. We even chose our families. It’s a bitter pill to swallow at times.
I’ve also found myself very much back at the coal face of mirroring. Which for me specifically is all caught up in victim consciounessnes. I do not know why that is. Then again this is a great realisation to explore. Apparently all our relationships are mirrors. They reflect at us the the things we do not want to see in ourselves. I’ve been working with it for a long time. The point is to see what is agitating you and figure out where it comes from (Only viable if you are not completely triggered to fuck by the way). so yes you got to step into the white light that burns aways at us an all our misguided opinions of ourself and how we think that should be.
We can’t change our families. We can only choose to change ourselves.
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