There is no getting away from this the idea of unity consciousness. That we are all one. As energies course through the multiverse it’s harder these day to imagine what separates us.Mercury is in retrograde and the some of the world is at the start of a second wave, while others are still peaking on the first. To say that 2020 has been a transformative year would be and understatment. Creative energies seem to flowing through me again faster than I can keep up. I’m in a tornando of pulsating energy as the universe seems to be using in synergy with me. Right now I finding in difficult to focus on my own seperateness. For me it’s been a strange time that has resulted in feeling more deeply interconnected, than the fear of isolation.
The world has slowed down, sped up, become more intimate and immediate. It’s been a quite a journey. I have witness people collapse in on themselves. I have seen people find themselves and even grow into something better. The Great Pause seems to have become a time a place where the tyres hit the tar hit. Where what was us and what was the world merged into a sticky hot mess, where all the dark glue seeped out of matter.
My brain feels full with all that I have heard, learned, felt and the grace I have been afforded. The world is changing and I have changed along with it. Where do we start and collective consciousness end? When we are all caught up in the global individuation seems difficult, as I am you. You are me. We are all suffering. We are all loving. We are all feeling out ways throught hsi.
What age were you when you realised the planet was fucked? About 11. What age were you when you realised the planet was fucked and your parents weren’t going to do anything about it? About 12. What age were you when you realised that the government didn’t care about the environment? About 13. What age were you when you realised that all of the adults round you were complicit in holding up the system of environmental destruction? About 14. All of this was my first experience of societal gaslighting. The T.V. said one thing about the ozone layer, wildlife conservation and your immediate connections said another. it was then I felt the weight of environmental activism. The crippling weight of both action and inaction and the risk of being completely ostracised from my community. Didn’t seem very fair or sustainable to a teenager. As well as having to bear the crippling anxiety of indecision that would hound me for large swathes of my adult life. luckily that time is over now.
So you see that was my first introduction to Systemic trauma and it has plagued me my whole life. That I could have saved something and my fear stopped me. The societal gaslighting stopped me. Now we have a name for it Eco-Anxiety. Knowing that the largest challenge we face as a species is deeply interconnected with our natural environment and the relationship we have with it. That our relationship with planetary healing is all bound up in the community, the collective, the ancestral, the generational and our innerscape. It’s a fucking mess. A big bad beautiful mess.
Today I was meditating on the idea of resolution. About all the things that are missing from our community spaces. When the hierarchical structures makes decision without the due care of the emotional trauma of the community or individual that that decision impacts.
Due Process and what might be the way forward to integrate this kind of practice into everyday processes. What would happen if we took due emotional care of the people and the places at the centre of our processes? Things would move a lot slower.
I was invited into a political fray within a spiritual group that I was invited into. Where the need to get spiritual work done overlooked the emotional needs and indeed the healing needs of the members of the group. Thinking that the autocratic decision-making process was appropriate as way to seed sovereignty within the group. Needless to say there has been a schism. That has involved all sorts of rhetoric, including referencing dark forces and the silencing and externalising of core healing issues. Why is it more important to follow a pre-determined singular agenda than exploring and healing what has emerged in the energetic field? You see The System is everywhere and we embody it. Our need to go plant 1 million trees, or indeed go vegan and even anchor the light is driven by a fear of what was, what is to come, rather than facing what is. What if greenwashing isn’t ok? What if nature destruction of any kind isn’t ok? What if the idea of planetary crisis isn’t so much about the planet as it is about us?
You see the planet is going to be ok. Maybe it will evolve change, evict and even extinguish us. Isn’t it great that it has the power to do so? Our Mother Gaia as it screams shut up and listen to me. Shut up and listen to us. Listen to us Earthlings. It’s not ok. What you do as part of your day to day practices are affecting me, it’s killing Earthly life, it’s killing you. I don’t need your grand gestures. I don’t need your narcissistically driven environmental militancy. I need you to resolve to change. In order to do that you need to listen. You need to see me. You need to hear me. You need to witness my distress. I can look at this writing now and see clearly that is could be construed as projection. It’s once again where the personal meet the systemic and thus the planetary.
it occurs to me that maybe as a result of our trauma we are using nature and the consumption of it, either through ‘wild experiences’ and or our extraction economies as an endless source of narcissistic supply. Make me feel better. What are you giving in return? How are you truly honouring the Earth in these times of extreme social deprivation?
It’s ok my brain can’t taken either. All the stuff that I am supposed to be responsible for. All the things that I am responsible for healing. I get exhausted just listening to all the way in which we could, can and should ‘fix’ things. We stop eating meat and as a result create massive mono-crops. We head off to save The Amazon and burn more than our fair share of jet fuel. We stand in support of Black Lives Matter and find our input unwanted. We get pushed and pulled in the local throws of planning politics and find our selves exhausted. First of all where the fuck do you start? Second of all does it end? I sense that you might already know the answers to that question.
Once again sovereignty is on my mind. What are we free to do? The answer to that is most things and as we stand on the precipice of action we have to ask ourselves do we have to do everything. The short answer to this is yes. We have to do everything for ourselves. Yet how is that possible.
Last week I found myself once again in the fray of where the political meets the personal. Where internal struggle meets the outward path and I was left wanting. I was left wanting in two ways. Wanting to be something different than what I am. Wanting the world to be different in the way it was. Of course, it was all caught up in the guise of the interpersonal relationship. The very essence of co-creation here on Planet Earth.
You see we are comfortable where we are. We are comfortable that our produce is made in China under an oppressive communist system, that denies human rights and forces people into ‘slave labour’. We are comfortable that the digital platforms are fraught with issues of governance. We are accepting of the corrupt way in which our governments operate. We accept the short-sightedness of the capitalist agenda. We are happy to consume the human experience through biased media. We are comfortable ignoring systemic racism. We are ok with dissenting voices being silenced. We buy into ideas of living our best lives on the backs of other peoples emotional labour. It’s fucked up.
I did a meditation on Saturday night to examine my issues about being unheard. How my micro informs the macro and it turns out that I might have a persecution complex. I’m literally dying to be heard. Is this level of commitment to my truth really necessary? It probably left me with more question than it did answers about my relationship to the anti-human system. It made me think about Jimmy Saville a prolific paedophile that had used his position at the BBC to gain access to vulnerable children. The thing is if you meet someone who worked at the BBC in later half of the 20th Century it was well known what Jimmy Saville was up to. Yet who spoke out? Everybody fucking knew. Yet it was too uncomfortable for anybody to draw any serious attention to it. They might lose their job, credentials or good standing and so the abuse continued.
Of course taking on every single injustice or issue is exhausting so we must be discerning about both out of our interest and our capacity. We need to make our lives sustainable on an immediate level. What makes us uncomfortable? For most of us it is a long list of things that we refuse to give up or even give into.
It came to me that slavery was a result of the Seven Deadly Sins the things we fail to take responsibility for projected onto another human body. That we might be able to own a human soul. We all have a calling it is our soul purpose to find it. We dance round the fire trying not to burn knowing that the flames only impulse is to hurt us.
If you are interested to find out more about this subject you can check out more articles below.
I’ve always found it incredibly short-sighted of the human race how we go about both tearing up and carving out land. That land ownership is even considered a thing and that land custodianship is not that important to us as a species. Which is kind of remarkable given that we are almost entirely dependent on it as a species? That somehow it’s considered acceptable for humans not to have access to land.
I have look at churches and at malls and felt the negative impact that they have had on land. Why is it in our desire to worship god and even consume we seek to destroy the creation of nature? It’s a question that has pressed on me for quite sometime. I’ve struggled with the idea that as humans that we can engage in worship that and honouring that endorses nature destruction. Like so many other things these questions are easily dismissed as a ‘necessary evil’. People need a place to live. People need a place to shop. The work that we do is so important it somehow it’s ok to overide nature to perform it. It’s a bizarre kind of corrupt lie that we are all complicit in. That we can ‘operate’ detached and separate from nature. That our very existence is entirely connected to the honouring of land and the ecologies it hosts.
Beauty spots, Areas Of Outstanding Natural Beauty and even World Heritage Sites can be protected yet the unique and sacred relationship that humans have with land isn’t. This can be clearly demonstrated with the eviction of the San of Botswana
from the lands that they had lived off of for millennia. This was in order for a newly classified nature reserve to be undisturbed by human interaction. Even though the San had been living there in harmony with nature for all of their history. That begs the question who gets to decide what happens with indigenous lands? I’m getting bored of Autocratic systems within my life and even the planet. Where one person holds the final decision on what is to happen with our land. A person who doesn’t live there, wasn’t born of it, yet through a corrupt capitalist or even well meaning benevolence believes that they own the right to what happens to land. We live in a system that seeks to displace the sacred human from his home environment. It is an issue that lies at the very core of what believe is an anti-human system.
Many of us now feel and embody this dis-harmony as we attempt to buy ourselves outside of this system by going off grid. However no matter how far we run or even how well we plan that consumption of land is chasing us. It is chasing us from the very land we stand on and even own.
There is so is a plethora of information out there about land conservation, management and in recent even the idea of re-wilding. That also continues to be explored withing the collective psyche of our species. Where we search for the wild spaces in which to heal both within and without ourselves. That seem to be forever seeking to be in harmony with one another. Once again the challenge with Land Healing much like the other forms of healing of which I write starts with us, where we are. The soaces we occupy and forces us to ask the questions in the most basic way. Where doesn my water come from? Where does my food come from? Do I have access to green space? Why are these things important to me? In or current society we know that we need to deeply engage with these question in order for our species to have a sustainable future. What is your relationship with land? Is it consumptive? How do you give back, conserve and even preserve your balance with nature? How has this balance been corrupted? Are my choices or lack thereof consensual?
I clicked into this post that I started writing months ago and found it started. Notes from a revolutionary. That’s got to be me right? I can honestly say I have often considered the idea of land ownership bizarre at best and cruel at worst. Bring it up in a stock standard discussion I’ve found that few have shared my sentiments. I mean I’ll be honest even park benches and memorial placks seriously get my goat. The idea that anybody has the right to place any kind of claim on a public space is preposterous.
I know I’m a bit hardcore on this one. You see our relationships with land and space are very deeply personal. Do you think that just because the American Flag is placed on the moon that the USA can claim it from collective imaginations and visioning? Moon TM. It isn’t possible and nor is the same concept passable for land. I vehemently believe that land ownership and furthermore the entitlement to land desecration that it causes might be one of the most singular reasons that us humans are so fucked up.
Very recently I was in circle sharing about death and grief when I realised that my first grief was the grief I felt for my own village as it was systematically concreted over one piece at time. There’s houses over the fields of bluebells. Roads were wild speckled orchids once grew and mountain bike paths where you used to encounter wild herds of dear and the odd weasel. I accepted that places change like people. In the modern era there has been very little natural about it, as land is carved up and dished out like sweeties. Completely negating the existing relationship that a person, peoples or even nature itself might have with it. Personally I find the appropriation of land emotionally disturbing at it leaves me feeling violated. I know to most people that seems extreme and yet I can’t alter the way I feel about it. Even with all the inner work, I can’t seem to fix it. Even when it’s land I’m not even connected to. With each new housing development and retail park, I find my sadness and grief deepening. I know it not just me, it’s felt by the collective.
This year I learned that love has to be based on mutual respect. Mutual respect is a concept often banded about between people about people. Yet what if we were to apply it to land? Sounds quite radical doesn’t it and yet New Zealand as always is ahead of the game. In 2017 the New Zealand government recognised the Whanganui River as a legal person. in other words don’t fuck with it. It’s easy to get all doe-eyed at the principle that nature should be protected, that it should even have rights. And yes it’s incredible that New Zealand has taken such steps to enshrine this stuff into law. The thing is it’s only at the behest of the Maori people who have lived there for generations. It’s not New Zealand is so progressive it’s that ‘The West’ is so ignorant of the sacred nature of land and myriad of multiverses it’s desecration desperately impacts, even if it is just the inner-working of the human soul.
OMG this is so embarrassing and please excuse my while I splash my white feelings across the pages of my own blog. Fuck. Community Healing? Really? High-Quality Relationships really? Who exactly are you bullshitting here miss sloppy blogger of the year. Yes, maybe I have to do some of my very own community healing on this very blog here.
I’m fucking up all over the place. Like very seriously I am. Yet at the same time, I am making huge progress. The real truth is right now. I’ve got clients my community is growing and erraticness seems to be growing by the day? Do you know why? Because my clients are my priority. Yet at the same time, the people that read my blog might be my clients. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. The way I see it though is that honesty is the basis of any strong and consistent relationship so as long as I’m honest with you, you will accept my flawsome. Seriously though how do all these bloggers and digital gurus do it? They probably plan a lot. They’ve probably internalised the system a lot. They might even have ‘staff’.
Meanwhile here is me getting on with it badly wondering if there really is anybody out there that is as bad at post scheduling as I am. I certainly don’t see other peoples fuck ups on the level that I witness my own. Humaness is real.
I’m interested in healing, I’m interested in trauma and write this blog in order to stay in touch with my own sanity. My own healing lies at the very centre of the community that I may or may not be building. So I have an obligation to be honest with myself and you.
Is this how we heal in community? I like to think that Community Healing can be created with honesty. That we have to stop gaslighting each other and pretending that everything is ok, even when it isn’t. I see now that even now I could sink deeper into my truth. The thing is also don’t feel the need to sink into my victimhood right now. You see I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I know I am doing my best. I also know that my best is good enough, even though I know most people are not messing up as publicly as I feel I am. I’m not being bound by perfection of limited by my grief of wanting to be better. It takes practice. I takes humility to be broken and fail over and over again. So in my mind it makes me some kind of superhero. You see when it comes to relationships 90 per cent of it is showing up. Doesn’t matter how/ where and sometimes even when. It’s the fact that you show up continually. So if I was living in The Life Doula Community I would hope that one of the elders would reach out to me and thank me for my offering. Then place my healing right back at the centre of this process. You see we cannot heal in isolation. We need people to pick us up when we fall. We need people to catch us as we stumble. Hold us when are vulnerable and hear us in our pain. Its so far forms perfect and that’s its beauty. I like to think that community healing is about all f the above. That we can grace each other with the gift of presence. That we can all hols value no matter how deeply flawed we are. That all offerings are equal and precious.
Of course there is the risk that I am doing harm here. Yet at the smae time I hope it inspires you to flail, break, fail and get up again. You see it isn’t all about you. It’s about the community you serve.
These days Community Building seems to be centred around the digital spheres rather than the localised. I remember my disappointment when ‘Community Manager and Developer’ became synonymous with Social Media Management. It made me really sad, that more and more of the world was moving online away from our geographies, innate human connections; abandoning touch, smell and deep conversation. Back then I used to believe that digital communities were a little alienating and odd. That was way before COVID 19. I don’t think Zoom even existed. Now I feel less inclined to agree. You see Social Media seems to have done something rather extraordinary. It has filled in the soul-sucking emptiness that can accompany our physical geographies. Beyond Zoom fatigue life seems brighter more connected online. At least mine anyway.
How did that happen? Maybe it’s because we can delete all the people we don’t like and even have the occasional Facebook cull. So that we can live in a blissful Twittersphere. Yet we wonder why the world is becoming more polarised? Maybe we are becoming less able to handle conflict or accept differences. Remember the days of when you had to apologise to people in the pub? That was and is a thing. What if we all learned to apologise more or even better, thank people for there difference of opinion. Only yesterday I was talking about my experience of living in South Africa, where the relative safety of monoculture is largely obsolete. A place where we cant presume what people think or why they might think it because cultural diversity is an actual things there. We cant make people wrong just because we don’t agree with them.
This is exactly why community building is important. We need opportunities to meet, collaborate and resolve. We need to find ways in which to connect and find each other again. If COVID 19 has taught us anything it’s got to be that cuddles are important, human contact is important, intergenerational relationships are important. outdoor spaces are important, good quality housing is important and of course Black Live Matter. Yes Pro-human systems are important. We live in times now where we have to explain this to one another. Human life matters. Black Lives Matter. Isn’t this the very nature of community? That we value one another. Isn’t this the very nature of fulfilment? High-quality relationships. That we should be able to relate to one another. Imagine you were just able to to have a conversation with a total stranger and not fall out with one another. Imagine that you were able to create something based on common interest? I usually like to build my relationships based on shared common humanity. Why does that feel revolutionary right now? Yet at the same time I deeply acknowledge that our shared common humanity is very much built from a space of service. How can I be of service to you?
When it comes to building community in my experience it so often starts with creating the things that we need for ourselves. I find that in that process we meet the needs of others. That if we can turn up for ourselves we are able to support others. That by connecting to our needs we connect to others.
Regular meetings can create a real point of stabilisation of the more fragile. Land-based local gatherings can also provide a great amount of balance for those living in chaos. If COVID 19 has taught us anything we should all just get to know our neighbours. Still, at the centre of all that, we also need to make sure that we are able to hold ourselves as co-collaborators with love in creating a new world.
In recent generations it has become very clear that we have forgotten who we are. Our ancestral stories and oral histories have been thrown out the window in favour of Netflix. Yet if you were really to ask? Or rummage around in the family history book what might we find there? In fact maybe that is why you are watching Netflix? Maybe it’s a bit to difficult to embrace our origins stories.
Are we uncomfortable yet?
Ancestral healing is pertinent right now as we sit here trying to figure out the rights and wrongs of the past. Where the ancestors might sit in that? What insights they might share from their perspectives if they could share their stories? What might they say about slavery, indentured servants, colonialism and/or capitalism. It’s probably as deeply personal to them as it is too all of us right now. I’m sure if there were a round table there would be a plethora of opinions playing out, where most may not even be heard. So here we are wondering what needs to be shared, released of embraced from the past in order to heal the future?
As we attempt to understand how our ancestral experience has informed our own. Just because ‘his-story’ got away with bad behaviour doesn’t mean that it’s impacts aren’t still felt in very deeply personal ways. It’s a bit disturbing to finally realise that your nice life still costs somebody else something. Whether in the here and now, in the historical and possibly even both. Shocker. You see our lives are unsustainable built on the physical and emotional labour of less ‘advanced’ economies. We need people to stay poor and dependent on the capitalist system in order for us to be safe. At this moment in time we are barely able to reconcile our current sins, misalignment and exploitative habits whether it be in the personal or the planetary. Now we’re being asked to fix the past with no idea how to fix the future. Here in the now the very presence we ascribe to being fully alive.
Our systems are inherited from the people that came before us that were both unable and/or unwilling to make the changes possible to live in and equitable and fair society. Systemic racism, perpetuates that trauma as does all systemic abuse. It stems from the point at which we drew our attention away from the human story that accompanies all our goods, services and even cultural practices.
We also inherit our DNA and within it unresolved inter-generational trauma. If you are the descendent of slaves it would be almost impossible for you to not to carry the inter-generational pain of that trauma in your very DNA. If you are finding yourself being branded in with privilege you’re probably wondering what did I do other than inherit the sins of the father? Well exactly.
Sometimes it blows my mind how disconnected we are from our own ancestry much less anything else. That somehow just because something happened hundreds of years ago we don’t have to ability to make amends. That because we ourselves did not commit the crime or weren’t involved in the wrong doing we can’t take steps to rectify those misdemeanors on behalf of something as abstract as universal balance. Isn’t it what we are meant to be doing anyways even in our most intimate relationships. The knowledge and acceptance that we often get it wrong and that we are willing to make it right. It’s the very essence of grace.
I call bullshit on that idea; That what’s done is done, and we just have to move on.
Right at the center of the conundrum lies systemic trauma that somehow we aren’t responsible for the wrongs of this world. That we are not complicit in allowing those wrongs to continue. That making amends seems to be a weird concept from another time and place. That something has gone so wrong for so long that nobody is responsible for fixing it in anyway and we should all just carry on as normal. This is literally the world we live in, racism isn’t my responsibility, the environment isn’t my responsibility, sexism isn’t my responsibility. Response-ability would anybody like to jump into some Polyvagal Theory here. Fight, flight freeze, fawn and I’ll add in my own face-off. FFS. Being unable to respond in a trauma response. Something I read only yesterday; ‘Just because you ignore the facts doesn’t change the facts.
It’s been extraordinary watching all the video footage of the racists online. Getting all triggered by the burning of flags, the destruction of statues and the uprising of the oppressed.
We know that attention and intention has the ability to alter and change things. Imagine that you became present in your life, turned off Netflix and just witnessed for while. You don’t even have to watch the news you can talk to your neighbours if you like? What’s going on. Event though your story is not my story how might I be able to to help you? How might we be able to fix this. In what ways can we help one another.
I wonder what The Great Council or The Karmic Board might say about all of this? As they sit round the fire observing this potent period in human history. I can imagine all the people that have come before us rubbing their hands together and reaching for the popcorn. How are they going to handle this? How are they going to wipe clean my wrongdoing. As the whole of humanity pick up the collective failings of his-story.
No matter which side of the fence you are sitting on right now, you got here. You just happen to be alive for this experience. It’s an extraordinary time to be alive. And yes you were sent to be better, do better, live better than anybody else before you.
Yes you absolutely are.The odds of you being alive are around 1 in 400 trillion. That’s a a number I’d be daunted at writing never mind visualising.
We can’t even begin to imagine what the people who have come before us have been through. Whether it be outrunning the last ice age, surviving the plague, surviving slavery, the last two word wars and/or capitalism. We have to hand it to the ancestors they were resilient. They made it, at this point it doesn’t even matter how or why, they just did.
Yes the ancestors, were probably shorter than you and very lucky to have teeth in adulthood. They had shorter lives too and would have spent most of there lives living within a 20 miles radius. It’s only been in the last hundred years or so that literacy became a common place thing. Before this they would have been wholly dependent on verbal communication between their families and immediate communities, who they would have relied on fully for their survival. I wonder if they ever got the chance to step out of survival mode?
I wonder how many of our ancestors got to experience their Limbic system? Did they have more or less time to rest? Did they breath in the moment and wonder at it all here on mother Gaia. To consider thriving and expanding into new consciousness. Just like that avocado seed. They dreamed and wove us into being with visions of the future. Imagine all things that had to coincidentally coincide for all the ancestors to create life one generation after another and then you.
They created us. They loved us enough to care, to ensure our survival. That our lives might be better than theirs. That we might see their stories written in the stars, honour their building traditions, stories and lives. Even without all of that they are delighted that you exist.
This time it seems to be urgent and as much as it feel that I might be centering myself. I feel it’s important to speak and write about all that is going on out there in either. It feels urgent. Like so many of these headings I laid them out long before I new we (yes all of us) would be collectively experiencing a global pandemic and each week, each of these heading seem more important to acknowledge than the last. In fact it feels extraordinary that I seem to have landed with my thought process so heavily in sync with what seem to be the beat of collective consciousness. As we move out of one dimension into another and into greater alignment with the galactic sun.
A year ago now I became passively and now almost obsessively interested in astrology. I can tell you it is what I turn to for insight and confirmation of my soul experience, as we travel through this time. I am greatly appreciative that my soul seems to be a blank canvas on which the stars are able to paint their story. That witnessing heavenly guidance has been my only real tool to navigate the uncharted territory that we now find ourselves in.
We are all one and as I have often said it is all connected. And Yes Black Lives Matter.
Our choices ripple through time and echo in eternity. As the greater patterns unfold before us. Our ancestors brutality and brutalisation are now are here for us to clean up. We might think that it is possible for us to deny and even ignore the injustices of the past. It is not. We carry the weight of those injustices no matter what side of this polarity you are living through. We may not be individually responsible for our collective histories, we are absolutely responsible for our collective futures. As such we must all make the continued and deliberate effort to discover how those injustices live on through us, whether that be through trauma or privilege or both.
The sacred portals of birth and death are being rediscovered again, as both the patriarchy and the institutions of the system collapse. Is it any wonder that new outer dwarf planets have appeared in the mix of our collective healing? That most of them hold divine feminine energyKhariklo the soul midwife is here to lovingly guide us through rebirth. There have been comets and this year six eclipses will pass. One can’t help but wonder when do the dragons arrive?
If you speak to anybody that is working in other realms, the shaman, the psychic or even the empath you might find that the dragons are already here, clearing up eons of earth magic. There is talk of planetary portals and galatic federations, the second coming and even the golden age. 2020 has so far been biblical, raging wild fires, plagues of locusts, climate emergency, a pandemic, a planetary lockdown, economic collapse, a global uprising, and much much more. It’s hard to dismiss that there isn’t something stirring in the ether.
Uncertainty and confusion are awakening us. As we question with deep purpose what is happening here on planet Earth? In our sleepy suburbs humdrum homes and aspiring future that might never come in the form we once new. This last week I have felt exhausted at the relentless pace of it all. It’s ok if you have too.
We are collectively healing, holding caring, sharing, breaking. As the intelligence beyond ourselves seems to be orchestrating this emerging narrative.