Uncategorized

End Of An Era

IMG-6924

It really is. A decade at an end. The truth of the matter is, I have no idea where I might be when you read this. I writing this nearly three weeks ago, as I sit on a precipice of something entirely new and unclear. Most of this year I have eluded to the fact that things have not gone exactly to plan in my life and yet still I find myself unwilling to share my story. It’s actually all lined out for the first of next years blog posts, hopefully, that will keep you tuned in for some major revelations.

In the last post, I talked about the power of connection. That is what I specialise in. Holding space, creating space and making time for change. If there was ever a time for change it is now. My personal crisis bathes in minutia as we look at things on a planetary scale. We have a climate crisis, globally polarised politics and a whole new generation seeking to be heard as Millenials begin to take a backstage. Millennials for obvious reason have dominated the last decade, largely considered entitled, among other things that don’t come to mind as easily. Even the other day I was talking to someone who had been in Bali to discover a tribe of Global Nomads, as I talked about taking more of my work online.

Twenty years ago I fantasied about being a travel writer and then demonised myself for thinking that anybody else would be interested in what I have to say. Writing was for the confident, the well educated and somehow the endorsed.  That we needed people to believe in us to move forward in life. I was not wrong. My lack of secure attachment, runaway lifestyle, (rather than nomadic) hindered me from progression in ways that I was not yet fully able to recognise or understand. What I realise now twenty years later is that somehow, that probably made me, far more interesting than your stock standard public school alumni writer. Yet even as I developed as a writer I found Guardian articles blasé and lacking depth as a result of the endorsement that only middle-class living can buy. I didn’t know then that how I felt was symptomatic of a broken system that disenfranchised the different, demonised the disengaged and stopped us from connecting. It’s only in very recent weeks that I’m beginning to understand that how I feel have far more to do with neuroscience than it has to do with personality. That brain science and personal perception are the universes playing out in the micro what is happening in the macro. That we are all reflections of ourselves and that those with the most to say are very rarely heard due to the importance of all matters E- Loc. That as humans we are controlled by so many things external to ourselves. That the need for endorsement is a form of psychosis visited on us not just by our primitive and infant’s brain yet by society itself.

It’s the end of an era. I really do hope so. I want the system to fail, for human spirit thrive and end the robotic and enslaved existence of the human’s soul. I’ve been told it’s all happening in January 2020. I won’t be stockpiling food. I’ll be hoping for the best, diving into my soul and surrendering to flow and be here somewhere in the either for anybody that needs me. The thing is about the Global Nomad thing is that most of us are deeply disconnected sitting in cafes or air BnB’s narrating lives that don’t really exist. Where tea with your mother is destroying the planet and your digital devices are implicit in illegal wars and child labour. Our privilege keeps people enslaved. There is in this current system no way round that. Ten years on from a decade ago we really are only just beginning to understand how the greed induced tyranny of most of human existence needs to be broken down.

On a personal level, this decade has been a decade of love, deep unadulterated love. The kind that heals souls, brings a person home and brings a sense of belonging that stills the heart long enough to hear itself. If there is one thing that I could to take into the next ten years it is love and love alone. Right now we all have the ability to chose the paradigm in which we want to live. For me, that is about giving all my power to my own personal truth that love and joy must guide the way. That personal frequency is everything.

Uncategorized

The Life Doula: Creating Connection

IMG-6885

It’s an interesting thing to sit at the core of what you do and understand that it is about something as basic as creating connection. Recently I’ve come to the conclusion that therapy is only needed as a result of the conversations that we are unable to have with a secure attachment. A secure attachment is someone we trust, that cares about us, that believes in us and wants nothing more than for us to be both healthy and happy. The sad truth that secure attachments have become rare.

More than this I have known for quite some time the power of deep conversation, that isn’t so much therapeutic as it is real. You see we all grasp for depth especially when life has challenged us. Secure attachments are the number one thing that guarantees our success in life as well as minimises the impacts of trauma. Do you know who your secure attachments are? Do you have a good friend? A relative or even a work colleague who is there for you?

Most of us are so caught up in the superficial we barely make time for the real stuff. We barely make time for eye contact or the space to feel exactly where we or someone is at. We are so controlled by time and external commitments we are unable to see or experience the things that are right in front of us. The things that are just as magical as all the others, if we took the time to appreciate them. You see life isn’t one long to-do list. Even if it was we have to ask exactly what it is that we are ‘doing’ it for? We cannot take the material with us. It’s just a sideshow to the main event. I wonder sometimes if life is not laid out something like The Crystal Maze. Where these fantasy worlds are created only to distract us and let’s face it it’s easy to get distracted by all the beautiful shiny things. After all, they were all created too. In the meantime, we are walking around in flesh suit ignoring one another even though we know that we are the most finite thing on the planet. Only existing once. So what is it that drives us away from one another? What drives us to disconnect us from the uniquely exquisite human connections that we face every day?

This year has been a breakthrough year for me. Most of my breakthroughs delivered to me by way of my own clients. That most of our sources of pain are systemic rather than personal. That our childhood wounds are not necessarily the results of bad parenting, rather the results of the inhumane conditions in which parents are expected to parent. We can’t hold our parents accountable for the circumstances and systems that they too were/are struggling to survive in. That we can only take responsibility for our own healing, that everyone’s healing is unique and that I heal to be taught as much as I am to teach. I have learned that trauma is about spectrum and range and that we simply can’t help people if we do not understand the depth of their feeling. That you can never walk a mile in somebody else’s shoes, you can only share the road. That is what connection is all about. Taking the time to experience one another.

Process, Uncategorized

Creativity the Antidote

IMG-6849.JPG

The creative adult is the child who survives – Unknown

What is that you want to create? It’s a very short question with infinite answers. Yet most of us get stuck. We think money is the answer or qualifications might get us the kind of recognition and validation that we ‘deserve’. What if we can just figure out a way to operate within the system then we will be safe. What if we can earn enough money, buy the house, or the land or even the car that it will bring happiness. For the most part, it doesn’t work that way, unless of course, you know the love based reasons as to why it is important. If we are thinking beyond our selves we know that things have to change especially when it comes to the small event of climate change. So much of what we are encouraged to create is not sustainable. Our ‘success’ is too often based if indirectly on the exploitation of other or our environment, not just on the personal level, on the planetary. The ice caps are melting. Water levels are rising globally along with the temperature. This does not mean that we all have to step outside our doors and run off to be a climate activist in fact possibly quite the opposite.

So what do you want to create? Maybe it’s a feeling? Maybe it’s a lifestyle? Maybe it’s a community or even a new awareness. Some things are more abstract like experiences or even new inventions.

Why do you want to create it? Does it serve a larger purpose? Is it a solution? Or pose another response on completion. How do you want it to look, taste or feel? The thing is we can create whatever we want with our lives. We can manifest whatever we want from our lives.

It’s time to liberate yourself and create a new vision for your future. Isn’t it about time that you thought about what brought your joy? What fulfils your soul? What would bring you deeper purpose and a better reason to get out of bed each morning? Creating your life really is a massive visioning process. That asks you to dig down into the core of who you are and ask very deep questions about what really does serve you.

They say that self-love in the answer to everything. I tend to focus more on nurturance and I wonder now how much we nurture our creative tendencies or desires. Imagine if everyone was working on creating the life they wanted, rather than the life they feel stuck with. The art of creating can be so precious and difficult. Sometimes it includes destroying the old to make way for the new. This is certainly something we might have to grow to accept in 2020.

Where is your ego in this process? What are you trying to control? What things are you holding on to make you feel powerful? There are things that we want to create and there are things that we want to have. The things that you want to hold onto are the things that actually control you.

Process, Uncategorized

Creating The New

IMG-6850.JPG

The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new. – Socrates

Many of us believe that the world and it’s current systems are in the process of undergoing critical collapse. Of course the world, media is largely lying to us about this while openly telling the truth. Yet many of us are in despair. Even last night I was talking to a new collaborator about his imagined terror of a world with no order and how the current human population might cope without the existing structures. Me on the other hand I’m feeling quite chipper and excited about the whole prospect. The idea of Earthly liberty are what my Earthly dreams are made of.

You see I’ve been working hard at this human thing. I’ve also been working hard on what might be the right thing to do at any given moment with regards to the planetary situatuion. That does not mean to say that I always get it right either. Fare from it. What experience has taught me is that fighting what is is both exhaustive and pointless. That we are far better capable and efficient at building new lives, new pathways and new communities than anything else.

You might ask: What’s the point? and spin yourself into a sate of anxiety paralysis and indeed you may be totally correct in your assumptions. Then on the other hand do you want to spend your life staring at the bedroom ceiling. Or indeed looking our wistfully from the living room window in hope of a better world? There is now way round it. The world is changing as it always has. Now faster than ever. Tech is changing everything and before you know it we are all going to be half cyborg is smart phones haven’t made that abundantly clear already. Here we are humans the cutting edge of life force as we currently know it, trying to figure out how best to use our time. Did I mention that time is imaginary…

We are literally getting ready to enter a new paradigm where thw world becomes a far fairer, happier and interconnected. In case you didn’t know it always has been it’s just that the dark forces that be have been busy convincing us other wise. Creating the new is largely about believing that another way is possible that threats, dominance and coercive control ware all rapidly becoming things of the past as we learn how to connect with ourselves again. That new sacred councils are coming forward in families, communities and nations. That in order for us to get through what is coming next we have to view the world very differently and that wellbeing economies have got to be at their core.

Uncategorized

Disengagement & Non-Compliance

IMG-6487

You must be the change you want to see in the world – Gandhi

Well I finally got here. I’m writing a ‘how-to’ article. Does this mean I’m officially a lifestyle blogger?

We know that the systems within which we live are corrupt. That the stories on the news are alarmist and polarising. That the corporations that we might work for are there for profit not human happiness. That our healthcare system is designed to make us sick. We might not have all the answers yet. What we do knows is that we have to stop being complicit in a system that fails us.

1. Turn off the T.V or if you prefer digital detox

Media takes up so much of our time and fill our heads with somebody else’s predetermined story or agenda. Even this blog post is written with the explicit idea that you might want to wake up and think differently. That’s what I want for you. It may not be what’s best for? After all, you are the only person who can decide that.

We are conveniently told stories that serve the people in power and media moguls in turn often decide who gets that power, you just have to look at Nigel Farage and the Kardashians in order to figure that out. the source of our stories and the stories that we believe are often what fuels our realities. Change the stories and you can change your life. National and global news drives the perspectives of many of us. However, if you just step outside your front door and take a look around you might find a very different story to the one you are being told. It’s time to discover your story. What makes you unique and special in the world and why that is important to you.

2. Do your own research and think for yourself.

So if you are going to change your story maybe you have to start to engage in the world around. I often find home environments are a good place to start. How do you feel in your own home? Do you feel safe? How do you feel now that information has stopped pouring into your head? Has anything change for you? Is everything there as you might want it to be?  Are there any improvements that you might want or be able to make?

Not only this are there stories that are running in your head that you have to proof for? How does the world feel to you? How are you thinking about the world?

3. Stop buying stuff you don’t need.

The current economic system is designed for exponential growth on a planet with limited resources. Not only this it’s designed to keep you trapped in a perpetual state of lack and thus anxiety to keep you buying more. It’s a trap. Take a look around your house. What do you really need? Is managing your stuff taking up a lot more time than necessary? All of the world’s problems are very easily fixable if we focus on sharing resources.

4. Re-think your career choices.

Are working towards solving the world challenges? Does your day to day work support to the kind of world that you would like to live in?  Does your work environment make you feel good? Are you happy with the hours that you work?

5. Do you have friends?

Yup it turn out that secure attachment s are the single biggest influence on whether you are successful or not. Have you got a friend? A real friend. One who is able to properly emotionally support you? It could be all the difference you need.

Uncategorized

An Introduction to Complicity, Disengagement & Non-Compliance

IMG-4790

 

“People that say that they system works, works for the system.”

Russel Brand

I am complicit. I was born that way. That is how it begins. It takes some doing to be born free, here on planet Earth. Few of us grew up in the woods catching a glimmer of the stars and it’s hard to imagine what that might be like. The moonlight glimmering through a canopy of trees. Yet here it’s far more common that the durge of light pollution, might block our view of the stars, it seems too perverse. As does the blocking of the sun with air pollution. Yet for many of us humans, this is the world within which we live. We are removed from our parents at birth for our safety. We are removed from our parents to be educated. Our parents are financially punished if they put parenting above productivity. We a re-taught how to be financially productive. We are taught how to fit into the system. Yes we were born complicit. Maybe this is the real original sin.

It all feels wrong and many of us find ourselves confused. Longing for a place to call home never knowing if it really exists wondering how to find it. If it is a feeling, a place a person and so we find our selves lost. Looking to heal the part os ourselves that we never knew we had to heal and then that story comes. The healing journey, where we are cast of productive society and we find our selves in a wasteland and that is where the fallow field of healing humans come. Lost our of the matrix. We are self-medicating in bars. Getting high in back alleys. Walking along beaches. Thinking about jumping off buildings and in front of trains. Screaming for attention. Most importantly not getting it. Our pain is too uncomfortable, our loss is too great and our schism is so deep it forces our isolation.

I’ve come a long way on my journey from holding my face up against the school fence and being heartbroken about having to paint a tulip when we were told we were going to paint flowers and all the other equally devastating moment of my life in between. Sometimes I lose sight of how far I have personally come and more than that how much I have learned along the way.

The challenges are huge and what I can say is that at times they can also be totally overwhelming. I have spent many years of my life trapped in anxiety paralysis trying ot figure out the best ways forward.  Going round in circle trying to find the best ways to intervene in a broken system. I have literally drilled down into the core of this an found that what we really have to do is heal humans. That beyond that in the healing process we have to teach people that we are not the challenge ‘The System” is the challenge. Severla years of activism then taught me that working from within “The System” was exhausting and the best way to create change was, disengage and create new structures. That creating small community inventions and non-compliance with what was prescribed could create the major changes in the lives of the people I worked with and create positive change and impact on a community level.  That we could learn and grow with one another. That together no-compliance was possible and that we created new ways of being which stopped us from being complicit in a broken system.

 

 

 

Uncategorized

Gender, Race and Sexuality Trauma and Abuse.

IMG-5657As I went through the whole process of writing about the different causes of systemic trauma I have to say that I struggled to figure out exactly where is at all this fit in. Did gender violence and trauma come under the clause of systemic abuse. Then I realised that despite the fact that most of the picture that accompanied this series were all taking from a Gender Violence march here in South Africa I struggled to understand if the problem was or was not systemic. I really had to think about it. Then I had to realise that I too was deftly unable to indentify the impacts of gender trauma in my own life that I was not able to see how gender inequality had effected me. right down to the way I thought about gender that even though as a woman I knew myself to be equal to all the men in my life and life expecting to be treated equally that the abhorrent truth was that I am not. From things as simple as domestic chores all the way to knowing that my body is not automatically respected in public and even at times intimate spaces. It’s been shocking to come to terms with and at the same time deeply personal. That my very being based on the very nature of my gender was under threat, especially here in South Africa.

It’s hard to know or understand why gender trauma exists and that it isn’t exclusive to women either. That men too suffer from the constructs of masculinity, to be strong, unemotional to the point that we as a culture are now able to defined ideas of masculinity toxic. That as women we can now write of half the population for the ways to in which they have been brutalised by the system, whether it be cultural, religious or economic.

Withs hastags to of #balcklivesmatter we have to accept the racial inequality is and ongoing feature not just in the west, here in the African continent too. Where war and genocide rage without western intivention, for reason that are never fully explored. Yet are recognised and understood. We still aren’t comfortable talking about racisim or the accptance of the percieved other. Her in Africa and I means as a continent it is often noted my other African nations how aggressive and entitled South African are and that that is often attributed to the Aparthied regime. Where most of the rest of Africa ratial tensions are minimal.

Sexuality is to also something which come under scrutiny within the public sphere, where anything other hertornormative poeple and lifestyles are often outcast and ostratised for what happens in the bedroom. When in all honesty it has absolutely nothing to do with anybody else. The truth is is that we are killing each other over the forms of our bodies, the colour of our skin and sources of our deepest desires. We are dehumanising our very nature to try and fit into cultures that were prescribed to us rather than designed by us.

We all deserved to be loved and respected for who we are no matter our human form.

Uncategorized

An Introduction to Institutional, Governmental & Economic Abuse & Trauma

IMG-5678
The photo was taken out outside a South African police station where a man who had been arrested for raping and murdering of Uyinene Mrwetyana was due to be let out on bail.

The evil of corruption reaches into every corner of the world. It lies at the heart of the most urgent problems we face — from economic uncertainty, to endemic poverty, to the ever-present threat of radicalisation and extremism.” — David Cameron

#fakenews

Anybody who knows me or indeed has much knowledge of David Cameron is having a chuckle to themselves or either feeling violated right. #fakenews before that was even a thing. Yes, David Cameron might be pointing out the obvious. However, as a member of the notorious Bullingdon Club, it’s hard to imagine how David Cameron might be able to to talk about corruption with a straight face.

We live within systems, within systems. Some small, some big. The powers that be want you to believe that they have the power, all of it. It simply isn’t true.

All of our current western systems were imagined and then primed into being. Government and governance were melded into being from chiefs, chieftains, the kingdoms to republics. For many of us, the appropriation of land and power started with a materialistic land grab that was intended to increase power and profits. Colonialists created countries that never existed and drew imagined straight lines across continents that had never been there before.  Pioneers flocked to those lines and normalised land appropriation. Religion was used to overlay their influence on the people that already lived there.  The people that wanted power took it. They didn’t ask for permission.

Our Economic system is designed to keep us enslaved. Our health system is designed to make us sick. Institutions too have sprouted up across the globe imposing their world view and imposing their agenda, whether it be education, health, religion or governance. The current economic system is more pernicious creating a structure that infiltrated everything from trade to investment. Controlling who had capital the create change.

All of the above removing us from our sense of connection

Families are ripped apart, heartbroken and trails of tears are still wept in a never-ending search for home and belonging in a world that became increasingly anti-human. Only the most rural and inaccessible parts of the world have remained intact.

Now they are being impacted. There is plastic pollution on the Island of Midway and the mountain tops of the Pyrenees. The icecaps are melting and we have oil spills in Alaska. We have weapons with the ability to destroy millions and further deteriorate life on our only planet. Yet war seems eternal and the motivation that fuels governments. We have enough abundance to feed the world and plenty for the world to be plentiful. We have to technology to connect the world with almost every human story and still the rich get richer, the poor get poorer. Poses the biggest of questions: why?

We only give them the authority on things because it wouldn’t be polite to argue. Most of us are still running around looking for certificates, awards and even qualifications to be worthy to spread the knowledge or skills that we have so that we can meet other people approval. When in fact and of course it is all made up.

Uncategorized

An Introduction to Land Abuse & Trauma

IMG-1502

Lost

Stand still.  The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost.  Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes.  Listen.  It answers,
I have made this place around you,
If you leave it you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven,
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost.  Stand still.  The forest knows
Where you are.  You must let it find you.

by, David Wagoner

It’s the Global Story and it’s happening right now. Maybe it’s the forest fires displacing the indigenous tribes of the Amazon and destroying to worlds lungs simultaneously. Maybe the derelict state of “Native Reservations in America” or maybe it’s right here in Observatory,  Cape Town where a housing and office development aims to build over one of the most ancient human settlements in the world.

As a European living in South Africa, it’s easy for me to understand the land question from the Highland Clearance of Scotland to the Forced Removals of the Apartheid era. Land is the pivotal questions affecting our cities, villages, town and wild spaces. We are all searching for somewhere to belong only to find somebody got there first. Our planet is populated and with the human’s population continuing to explode it’s hard for many of us to resolve the land issue both historically and currently.

The more radical would argue that no-one can own land and that access to it is the essence of true humanity. After all, we can’t survive without it. It seems strange that as a human I have to explain that to anybody. Human’s have needed land and water since the beginning of time even the ancient hunter-gathers like that of the Khoi San need somewhere to roam to forage and rest. So what is about the land question that seems to baffle us so much? Why does it cause so much dis-ease that someone might want their land back or that communities might want to harness the power and resource beneath their feet?

We shoule all have the ability to grow our own food, harvest our own crops and work collboratively in order to create full rich sustainable lives that is created through the resources that surround us. For millenia that is exaclty how we have made our way through the world. Yet since the beginning of the industrial revolution land disposseion has become a phenomion of the capitalist system. Where land was utilised for provit rather than for living. Millions of humans have been forced out of the rural communities into urbanisation. Leading to a degradation of culture and wellbeing both core componants of a healthy humans life. Only now are we fully beginnign to understand the impact of displacement and city living.

For me the land question is at the center of my mission to heal humans how can anybody heal if they don’t have somewhere to belong? How can anybody heal if they don’t feel safe where they are. It has been this drive for human security that has driven the capitalist cause. That without property, work and job human lifa has become inviable. We have been trapped in a system of dispossions where corporations and bacnk own land, rather thne the people who tend to it.

On a deeper level, there is far more the land than is the ability to produce food, graze cattle and at this point in the game grow our own oxygen. What about the spiritual aspect of the land, a sense of belonging. Witnessing seasonal weather and celebrating the turning of the wheel or even more interestingly the energetic portals of the planet. That we are deeply connected to the Earth beneath our feet.

There are solutions if we are willing to change the way we think about land.

 

Uncategorized

An Introduction to Educational Abuse & Trauma

IMG-2082
A public mural in Salt River, Cape Town, highlighting the female narrative, that has largely been ignored or undermined.

If you look at the schooling they received at these so-called ‘Public Schools’; where they were really abused, sodomised and hurt in all kinds of ways and taught to keep a stiff upper lip. That was necessary for the maintenance of the empire. That’s how these people go out there, without any feeling whatsoever and massacer the natives of any country that they went to if they had too. That’s why they could do that. Gabor Mate

The Western School system has formed the backbone of empire and has been imperative to the global role of colonialism and enforcing systems of control on indigent cultures across the world. Most western education historically has sought to vilify language, spiritual practices, cultural practices, gender and even skin colour. The schooling system was developed in order to roll out the industrial revolution on mass, rewarding human compliance, accuracy and productivity.

Western schooling removed us from integrated family groups, our connection to the land and safe holistic learning experiences. Beyond this much of the education that we have been taught has been presented to deliberately to destroy culture. Most western education has sought to vilify language, spiritual practices, cultural practices, gender and even skin colour. Thus chastising our very natures and undermining our natural gifts.

This individuated and collective trauma this has caused has worked to diminish our power. Whatsmore the individualised trauma is still very evident in many adults today seeking to gain approval through academic prowess and material gain.

Whatsmore the individualised trauma is still very evident in many adults today seeking to gain approval through academic prowess and material gain. Leading us to believe that our inherent value is like to both our productivity, financial contribution and personal wealth. Leading us to believe that we should act as humans robots rather fully integrated emotional being capable of rich and meaningful lives beyond the realms of work. You are not a human robot.

Contemporary schooling has far more to do with forced compliance and learning that offer very little value in the real world. That is based on what you should know rather than what you can do or even what a child or adult may even be interested in. The education system is prescriptive rather than progressive.

Of course, skill and knowledge sharing are essential skills for human survival. Basic skills like reading and writing should, of course, be accessible to everyone. Yet large scale education as we currently understanding has yet to activate a fully integrated adult fully able to bring their gifts to the world.

We know that infant and children have 5 years to fully activate their brains in order to have full independent lives. That early child development is crucial in order to create successful and fulfilled adults. That tools of connection and educational exploration and conducive parenting is inherent to creating fully functional humans. That cohesive family units protect humans for reactionary traumas later in life. Yet the school system seeks to minimise parental interaction and influence over a child’s development disrupting the key role of family culture in the process of personal attainment.

Recent breakthroughs in trauma have now come to highlight the importance of whole body and emotional integration to promote self-regulation to stimulate feelings of wellness.

There is a sort of arrogance that I associate with Educations that assumes that someone else knows what is better for you and indeed your children than you do.

Writing this in South Africa where access to the most basic of western education is a privilege it seems short-sighted and highly provocative to be writing about education abuse or even trauma. Access to the basic skills of reading and writing is for many is still far beyond so many people on a global scale it feels hard to even justify writing this. There are so many impediments from cost, geographical access and for girls and women period poverty. It is still important to note that even South Africa access to Westen Schooling is considered imperative to a child’s material success, even though the culture and society they are educated within may be very far removed from homelife experiences.

I Sued The School System