Process

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May All Beings Be Well

It is a bit of a Buddhist troupe isn’t it and yet far more powerful than you might think. In the ‘spiritual’ realms in which I have been drifting of late there has been a lot of discussion about ideas of “The Highest Good For All”. Being flat structure kind of girl I’m sure you might instantly see that I might have beef with that much like “Some are more equal than others” Fuck that shit. You see I’ve been figuring out the idea of flat structured systems for a while and in fact there is nothing that I like to discuss more than a bit of circle work, common grounds, flat structures  or indeed in the case of this week this ideas of a  Wellbeing Economy and even more recently in my consciousness Sacred Economies. (No I am not an economist, nor do I intend to be).

In fact my latest community schism has really highlighted to me the very dire need for slow coaching (which is one of the names I first thought of for my business many moons ago). That called upon the ideas of In Praise of Slow by Carl Honore (look at the clue in that name). That for real unity consciousness to emerge we have to be willing to go at the pace of societies slowest member. Fuck I wish I’d known that years ago. This ideas came up for me a few articles ago using both and African proverb and a wolf pack as good examples. It really falls into the idea of what are we willing to sacrifice in order to get ahead. It also made me question my firmly held belief that principles might get in the way of progress. That being alive is a very complicated dance. That systemic trauma both upholds, neglects and enforces as a way of controlling. That I am part of that. Also that being part of something you disagree with doesn’t necessarily give it power over you unless you surrender your sovereignty. Yes there’s a lot in here. If you are keeping up, you are doing great.

Which leads us back to May All Being Be Well. As species we can no longer afford to work at another living beings expense, whether it be human, river dolphin or the mighty Amazon. All life has it’s palace and deserves it respect. Though we have a long way to go to regain that knowledge. That it become more than just a Buddhist troupe. That we must accept the unconscious harm that we do by dismissing the intangible. As other previous posts point out clearly we are all woven together in way that way beyond what our neural pathways can store. That that weaving is never ending as we travel through time and space in both the micro and tha maco. Even if we stay indoors for all eternity and order everything we need from amazon. Even if we stay indoors for the rest of our lives and everything we need it brought to us by a well meaning stranger. There are so many was in which our existence can manifest and be supported way beyond what we are able to personally take responsibility for no matter our circumstances. There are also so many ways in which we can corrupt ourselves by believe that our need is greater than somebody elses or indeed that we have the right ot control influences and even report on other behaviour. It’s a big lesson for me especially as I watch and follow multiple relational Instagram accounts about what we need to expect from our partners and relationships. I’m still figuring that out. Where does a schism form the greater good and where does it simply abandon people in need. It’s not simple thing for one person to figure out. Whether we all move together in a slow and destructive pace or whether we leave the collective in order to get ahead. “I fucking hate splitters” yet I most definitely am one. If there has to be something as brilliant as a divine union there has to be something as brilliant as a divine split. Am I just kidding myself I wonder… Did I ever mention that I am a Libra?

The dance of union, separation and wellbeing seem irreversibly linked to each other it’s hard to think of this idea as anything other than a huge relational pondering.

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Systemic Constellation

I’ll admit it took awhile for the penny to drop on this one. A long drop with gentle thud at the end. Even my brilliant brain couldn’t piece together the obvious quickly right up until it did. Did I ever tell you that the Systemic Informs the personal and the personal Informs the Systemic. It seemed highly impersonal that Family Constellations are also know as Systemic Constellations and I didn’t fully recognise the connection until much later on. To this day I have never done a Corporate Systemic Constellation. I feel to do so might risk my own suicide. Somebody once asked me if I might consider doing corporate “Wellbeing Workshops”. To this day if I was ever to do such a thing I’d take the fee and then give everyone the afternoon off. Like fuck them, fuck corporate power. Fuck the System. LOL. I don’t get triggered much I promise.

Anyways so yes systemic constellations are a way to find out exactly how fucked up your world is. The way I do them is entirely centered around self. They’re more like an ‘Emotional Map’ than a standard constellation and god only knows how my work has morphed over COVID. I barely do floor maps anymore and it seems to deepen my clients experience in much the same way.

I’m a way ahead of myself here. I think this is supposed to be some kind of useful and directive explanation of a systemic constellation. Let me back track…

A Systemic Constellation is a process used to understand either family or system dynamic and how they impact on the individuals involved. The process was appropriated by Bert Hellinger from IsiZulu cultural healing practices. The process relies on people taking on the varying roles of a family system and playing them out as part of a catharsis healing that allows us to alter patterns and dynamics within the family system. It allows for the pre-verbal and unseen thinking of family members to be explored in non-threatening ways.

As I have said, the way I work with this process is largely through creating an emotional map of a client’s interior innerscape to unlock relational aspects of their emotional field. It’s really cool. I use bits of paper and it’s really easy. What is also really cool is that you get to see how you feel in a physical map that’s all laid out on the floor. You also tend to realise that you have complete control over your feelings and indeed what you feel and how you think. That you have the power to break the pattern and indeed the cycles within your own behaviour and the family system. That you can become and observer of your feeling that you don’t have to embody them. It’s a lot easier said than done though. It takes practice, before practice comes awareness and that is what Systemic Constellations are all about.

There are loads of different methods as to how to do a family constellation or indeed a systemic constellation is done. Emotional Mapping is the method that works best for me and my trauma-informed practice. What I love about Emotional Mapping most is that it is entirely fluid and allows you to express and feel fully. It also allows for a deep personalisation of the process especially when I work with creative practitioners and healers. (yes I work with healers) It’s really cool. What I often find by the end of an Emotional Map is that creative practitioners have created the basis for a body of work or even created a body of work. This is either through a collection of their words and/or a visualization of what has arisen while working with me.

Healers also get deepening insights into their own healing practices. As my sessions often form a fusion healing unique processes that may only occur through healing collaborations in a singular time in space of these sessions.

Guided entirely by intuition very little of what I do is replicable. Very little of what I do is replicable because it is centered around your own very unique experience of both trauma, healing and self-expression. Very recently I was described as a Master of Soul Retrieval and I have to say I loved that description of my work.

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It’s The System Man

I’ve probably been saying this while holding a joint and putting the world to rights since about 1998 when Fight Club seemed to capture the mood of a generation. Is it any wonder why Xennials are so fucked up? I still get really excited and explosively joyful when I watch the end scene of that film. At the same time very curious about Helena Bonham-Carter’s particular role given her inclusion endorses the artistic aristocracy. Hypocrisy lives everywhere. (Just in case you hadn’t noticed). Do you need me to critically unpack this further?

All sorts of things seemed to appear when I start to explore the systemic. For the last 30 mins I’ve been watching Brad Pitt on YouTube talking about his career. Brad was one of my favourtie actors right up until Angela Jolie happened. Even here in a flat in 2020 it came as a bit of a revelation that my flatmate and I might be on the different sides of Team Jennifer and Team Angela. Luckily about 20 years has passed for passions to subside. It’s moments like these that you glad that time machines don’t exist and that we can’t walk through them, or god only knows where that discussion might have ended up. Anyways what has all that got to do with The System? Sadly everything, from the media you consume, to the films you like or even the books you read. Like Girl Interrupted for example. What might cause someone to end up in a mental institution and at what point did that become glamorous? Or indeed necessary in society? After all it was quite clear the main protagonist wasn’t nuts. That the system she was being asked to operate in was, even the nut house.

Culture and The System has been portrayed in literature and art for a very long time. We only have to look to Dickens, Oliver Twist or even Great Expectation to see how The System or societal pressure dictates how our lives may or may not work out… Before that Jane Austin with all her matchmaking prowess. Until we get all the way back to Asops Fables. Stories about the way things are, rather than how they should be. They all relate to the stories that we tell ourselves, endlessly. More than this, the stories that we tell ourselves to build an anti-human system based on control. How did I get from Fight Club to this? Hmmm curiouser and curiouser. Do you have a smouldering pile of ikea furniture sitting outside your apartment, that you blew up during a psychotic break down? Recently I’ve been getting more and more interested in Shamanism and not for the ways you think? Why the fuck I would presume to know what you think is a little beyond me… More than this given that I write about trauma a lot it is probably highly probable that I might at some point reach out to grab hold of the idea of shamanic illness.

So yes Shamanic illness. Guess what? Your ancestors are fucked up. Your geographic location is fucked up? Your relationship to land is fucked up? Your relationship with wealth is fucked up? Your relationship with family is fucked up? Your relationship with yourself is fucked up? And you are surprised that you are ill? It’s fucking obvious isn’t it?  We are so controlled and dependent on The System that we outsource our own liberation to the next well meaning movement of our time. That some governmental organisation might actually skip to our aid and look to ‘fix’ everything that is broken. Yet they can’t because what is broken within that system is broken within us. Why would you outsource your power like that? We are the ones we have been waiting for and yes I still retain the right to stand with a joint complaining about The System.

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Emotional Mapping

Not even sure this is a hashtag I’m using anymore. It’s a term I’m still using for sure. Emotional Mapping is a process that I like to think I invented, the truth is that I managed to pluck it out of the ether as a way of having a trauma sensitive conversation. We don’t always want to talk about our trauma and talking about trauma can in fact be retraumatising. So my rationale is that we can talk a lot about feelings without talking about the incident, scenario or even relationship. We can just talk about how we feel looking at the abstract without too much detail. I know it sounds weird. It also works. You see you can take one feeling and in fact almost any feeling and discover that the feeling alone is a gateway into another world. 

Feelings are there to be explored. They create pathways towards ourselves in ways that are little known except by poets. That all feelings have their place, in words, sensations, movements, colours,  tastes, smell and even visioning. That feelings can move backwards and forwards in and through time. In and out of history and are often metaphors for building the future. All the things that we have to resolve. All the things that we can’t see our ways clear too. All the things we can’t see and even feel. How they weigh on us, as we don’t speak them and hold them in our patterns. These are the emotional maps of the innerscape. The internal landscape that we have not explored that is all tied up in feeling. That the innerscape is a real place that opens to us through emotional resonances that we haven’t given words to. You might even say the innerscape, it’s thoughts, feelings and sensations are all caught up in the pre-verbal. 

Our emotions can seem trivial and even arbitrary if they are not bound up in survival. Something frivolous that only the fanciful get to engage in. One foot in front of the other. Keep on keeping on. Except how do we get rid of the inherited? How do we interpret the things we are born into? The things that have always been and yet very little understood. You see so often our feelings are not ours. They belong to other people, our parents, our grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings and even friends. Somewhere in the mix even our school teacher got a look in along with the childminder as to how we process and examine the world and thus our innerscape. Informing the emotional map of our souls. Especially when we don’t feel safe, if we don’t feel emotionally safe, we don’t feel physically safe. What would it take to make you feel held I wonder? Even for me that is tricky? Especially when I often don’t feel seen. 

You see trauma gets passed on. We hold trauma in our DNA and genetic makeup . 

So we have to believe that healing does too. All our ancestors sitting on our shoulders saying when is it our time? When do we get our healing? When do we get to be heard? When will this matter truly be dealt with and addressed? For hundreds of years now we have been running away from our trauma, disconnected from land, place and even family. As we wander from one trance party to the next looking for belonging. Using psychedelics to tell us what is already known, that we are ignoring. Turning to plants to ingratiate us with the wisdom we were never taught. 

If you liked this you might be interested in reading

Empathy & Mixed Up Emotions

Humans Emotional Creatures

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Three Hour Sessions and Why They Are Important.

This is probably the most unimaginative title for a blog post ever. No matter how inane it might be is that it has been a huge process to arrive at the idea of a Three Hour Session. That has as much to do with my own healing process it does to do with decolonising time. Two very big ideas and exploration to fit into a 500 word blog post. Yet let me make a wild attempt.

The idea of a Three Hour Session probably emerged in my consciousness over 10 years ago as I attended a consultation for a Mental Health Day Clinic at which I had to run through my immediate traumas in super quick time in order to beat the one hour clock. I was completely unable to stop for breath before gazing across at the Mental Health Practitioners and witnessing their own unguarded expression of shock and awe at the tail I had unveiled to them in the search of some Mental Health or rather Emotional Support. It was only this year that a rather lovely somebody was able to describe it rather eloquently to me as a Trauma Shopping List. That somehow we are meant to trail off an ever expansive list of the tumultuous events that has led you to need Mental Health support in the most inconvenient space of any hour. It’s bullshit. What’s even better if you get to hang out with a load of nutters in a similar state they will also tell how alarmingly inadequate and hour is to unpack and life time of trauma. Like seriously. Not only that, the very real impacts of retraumatising are completely debilitating as you try to prevent complete  emotional collapse on public transport. Aye it’s fucked up. I myself have had more than a few very serious public meltdowns as a result of the unconscious, unboundaried approach of careless professions to my trauma. Seriously unless you going to talk to traumatised people right up until they are finished talking, don’t fucking talk to them. Just don’t.

So that’s me and my position of Three Hours Sessions. I want you to be able to talk until you are finished, not stare and the clock in terror nor spend the first 20 minutes panicking to find out if you trust me enough to speak to me. Or that when you do get to the source of your increasing  distress it isn’t just a matter of handing you an elastoplast and saying thank you so much for sharing would like to spend even more money to feel worse next week. Fuck that.

So in greater news Three Hour Sessions are about reclaiming time from the capitalist system and in fact healing too. You can’t heal trauma in an hour. You just can’t, nor can you address it appropriately. It’s like a surgeon hoping to do a 12 hour operation in an hour because well a botched job won’t kill you. Fuck that. Primarily I’m interested in healing. I’m interested in making sure that you have the scope of the issues you are working with before you even begin to unpack the more sensitive topics or unfold the healing journey. How do you expect to ‘treat’ someone’s trauma in an hour when they have a twenty years trauma history and actually in the current climate most of us do. As more and more of us start unrolling our healthy histories that start at eight or even younger. Seriously it’s a thing and it’s common. What even more common is the volume of people that have been seeking medical help since that time and are still fucking ill. It’s mildly enraging for me and that is why the work I do centers around the systemic.

So for me Three Hour Session are a way of decolonising time. Where I like to think that back in teh day you wandered up to witches hut and it was a half day immersion. Yet if you think about it, not so long ago , you would have spent a morning of your life able to talk to your gran, or your aunt or actually just anybody able to listen. You see this would have been the role of the elderly back only a couple of decades ago to listen and hold council. Now the elderly are part of the on mass societal narcissistic discard. You have no economic contribution to make and now you are not of any value, It’s pretty sad imagine if we all had a kind older person to speak to. Imagine none of us had to feel lonely or isolated. Imagine how that might cure trauma?

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Trauma Informed

Trauma Informed I don’t think I even knew it was a thing until I started using it as a hashtag. It’s funny the things that I know that I now presume that other people know, just because I know it.

Trauma Informed is exactly what it says on the tin. It’s being informed about trauma. It probably sounds incredibly complicated? Messy or indeed difficult to work with. I come to this conclusion because I have found my own experience of trauma quite isolating. Nobody is interested in helping you with your trauma. It’s considered to be a social pariah much like depression was a few years ago. Nobody wants to hear about your shit, it is an inconvenience to what could have been a nice day. Few people have the skills to listen to unrestrained emotion that often comes with the trauma loop. How do you break the cycle. I’ve been feeling a bit sorry for myself this week.

It takes a concerted form of effort to become a trauma healer. It takes patience, the ability to witness rage, live within the transformative nature of the more extreme emotions and hold space for people there. To accept all emotions as valid and equal. That whatever someone has to say is true. It is their truth and you would be at pains to deny it. Being trauma Informed is the simple act of accepting that everything that everybody says is true. It’s astoundingly that simple. What if you just believed somebody? And didn’t desire to get your needs met through the desire to be seen, heard or acknowledged yourself?  I know it’s just a wee bit revolutionary.

Right now, as I write this I am bordering on the edge of raging. Internalising a long held dialogue about the trauma bonded relationships that I have had and how they have manifested. How the stagnating shadows of others can be mistaken as your own.

The thing is as much as we’d like to believe that trauma can stem from unanticipated events in my experience it is far more likely to stem from dysfunctional family systems as a result of systemic trauma. That an appreciation of the systemic tends to speed up the healing process. Of course trauma healing is complex. Yet I  continue to say that it is witnessing, listening and hearing of trauma stories that leads to the deeper understanding of trauma.

These days though much trauma work is hidden under the guise of both physical and mental illness. As what psychologist would state as the presenting issue. The real trick to trauma work is you quickly and deftly move past the presenting issues. Presenting issues being things such as anxiety, depression, burnout, chronic fatigue and even Fibromyalgia. There is now increasing evidence to suggest that these ‘Illnesses’ or dis-ease can now me better understood through neuroplasticity in the brain. Through learned dysfunction trauma responses the are hardwired into the brain such as addiction, narcissism and even tendencies of abuse. That most of these ingrained Hardwires are informed by primitive brain functioning. Fight or flight responses that are dependent on adrenal secretion and in fact adrenaline addiction to survive. That the treatment of trauma is largely about getting people to experience their limbic systems for the first time and indeed get them into working with high functionality by engaging the higher brain. Fucked up and true story, it’s like trying to run a car engine on coal fuel. It is this kind of information that large swaths of the population are desperately in need of in order to take control of their emotional and physical health. Yet much of the medical profession are in deep denial about the corrupt medical systems that keep ‘patients’ dependent on unnecessary medication. When tea and a good chat might suffice.

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I’m Traumatised

There is nothing quite like a confessional to get everybodies ears to prick up. In fact my attachment to the idea of being traumatised was only this week pointed out to me as being trauma bonded to trauma. I can totally take that on. The things (and there are many) that we tell ourselves in order to justify, defend and deny our position. If we argue for our limitation they undoubtedly become ours and yet at the same time, your limitations  all depend on how we view trauma. Whether it is a blessing or a curse. I consider trauma to be an immense gift along with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

It has certainly given me some remarkable insights and character traits. The ability to hold deep compassion as well as deep listening.

It takes me back to a time many years ago when I used to scoff at the idea of depression. I couldn’t understand what it meant to have depression and why that might prevent you from functioning in the world. What was there to be sad about? Of course at this point in time I was in very deep denial of my own trauma. When I look at it now my very own brand of bad attitude. I was going solo. I literally had no friends. Didn’t see the point of them and was truly hooked on a consumptive experience of life. Yet the hole I was trying to fill was vapid. As I clung to co-dependent relationships and the healthiest relationship that I had was with the teddy bear I had had since I was eight.

I knew nothing about codependency, trauma bonding. Though someone I had once worked with had incessantly banged on about the book Women That Love to Much. It didn’t apply to a young women with Catholic upbringing. Love was unconditional. To love someone was to embrace the destructive force that they may or may not have in your  life as a dedication and embodiment of christian values. Romantic relationship and marriage were to be taken on as a form of spiritual battlefield where your needs never get met by an addicted and emotionally unavailable partner who’s only real interest in you was sexual.

Yes these were the subconscious beliefs that I was carrying around with me. That I was embodying in my choices. That my needs were inconsequential in the unrelenting service of love. Love was entirely sacrificial. Love endured abuse, betrayal, abandonment, shaming and silencing. This was the love I knew. Twenty years on my love programming although highly illuminated is still very much confused by the idea that my needs might be met. That I can ask for help, be heard and have someone respond appropriately. That the love I receive is not conditional on me servicing somebody else’s needs.

That I can talk about trauma. That trauma can be related to my relationship with other people and I don’t have to apologise for that. That it’s uncomfortable to talk about abuse. That abuse results in trauma. That it’s a dialogue that we should all be aware of. That we all live in an anti-human system. We are all being abused, gaslight, undermined and controlled one way or another. For the most part it is adversely impacting us and if not us directly, those who are disproportionately impacted by the disparity of the system. Yes Black Live Matter, yes systemic racism exists. You see if you don’t feel oppressed. You are probably an oppressor. So I am traumatised and yes I have transferred my trauma. Does that make it easier for you too examine?

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Healing Humans

The source to all planetary problems are human. I remember where I was when I figured out this little nugget. I was living in Cornwall in a recording studio that was at the center of an eclectic creative and maritime community that was fighting the mass eviction at the hands of a land developer. This experience gave me a deeper awareness of the ever changing relationships humans have with land and the growing discussion and concern around ideas of gentrification.

That land consumption as we understand it was fueled by a combination of the capitalist system and the human experience of land trauma. That the displacement of the emotional trauma that accompanied land trauma was being thus transferred to other places and cultures, through a culture of ignorance and denial. The attitudes of planning authorities and local councils were causing a never ending wave of community destruction and cultural decline.

The mass exodus of London to Cornwall seemed to take on a very real personification of these issues. Where house prices and the average local wage was at the time one of the most disparate in the UK.

It was during this time that I realised that you cannot solve land trauma or any kind of trauma by buying your way out of it. All you do is displace it. It amazes me to this day that people are still under the growing illusion that you can buy yourself out of the system. Indeed in the last decade or so it has been both encouraging and disheartened to see the volume of friends that have managed to get off grid. That getting off grid offers their own personal solution.

Of course  whatever we do in the micro informs the macro. Off grid self sufficiency has informed a kind of colonialist overlay of the back lanes of rural areas everywhere. The low impact gentrification of The New Earth. The New Earth relationships that seem to be devoid of any acknowledgement of ancestors, community and the emotional trauma that bore the unacknowledged pain of the opt out systems. As we abandon our parents, interfamilial connections and intergenerational responsibilities in favour of a trauma free lifestyle. Most people aren’t interested in healing. They are interested in obliterating, obscuring and ignoring the obvious. In fact they are quite used to demanding other people do the work that they won’t. As COVID 19 has also taught us about the plight of Essential Workers. Yup it’s brutal out there and yet I love humans and their strange interpretations of the world.

So it was through this experience that I came to the conclusion that Healing Humans on an interpersonal level was paramount to minimising collective trauma. At the time I had no idea how, when or what that realisation might pull into fruition. At the time it was merely my core understanding of the root problem, humans. That if I wanted to change the world I needed to figure out healing and that at the very center of that, was probably my own.

Of course this projection onto others is very much part of my own shadow work. I realise that mitigating my shadow work  successfully is very much bound up in identity politics.

That my shadow is probably on a projected course of caring less. Yes it’s a very strange thing for me as an impassioned person to find myself saying. That I should care less. That I should stop convincing, cajoling and coercing people to care as much as I do. That in fact there is deep disrespect in believing I know better, when I can’t do better. That I have to continue to alter my internal dialogue about others as part of my own betterment. I am not perfect. I am still privileged. More recently it has been easier to reconcile my dis-ease between the colanised and the coloniser since my return to Scotland and that tells me a lot.

Healing Humans is also the name of my own facebook group, which I have been neglecting as I write for you.

It’s been a layered strange process trying to figure out Facebook group dynamic and I still have no idea where it belongs in the realism of my digital offerings.  I’m still trying to figure out what to do with it and if indeed it is much service or use to anyone. Like much of what I do it has been a long journey of feathering the nest of my own understanding in order to present my ideas of systemic trauma to the world.

It seems to me that  the concept of Healing Humans is a massive commitment to recovery, largely because we stand in a place where we have no idea what has actually been lost. I write this sitting deep in the shadow of my trauma, rather than the trauma itself. You see, even the shadow has shadow. If you have been following me for a while you won’t be surprised when I tell you that my shadow stems from both the systemic and the societal. That our shadows are actually the light sparks of something far more sinister (Yes the anti-human system).

In recent weeks my work has come to a new level and I find myself not so much in the work of a doula, an incident based approach to trauma work. I now find myself in the process of surrogacy. I sit with people as they try to figure out who and where they are in relation to a system that is doggedly set on extracting power by exploiting them. That the system itself imbues family structures and is able to define intimate relationships as both consumptive and performative. Where family dynamics play out like the dynamic on an Instagram account, rather than the endlessly loving and supportive ideas of family that we have been gaslight to believe in.

Many of us are wearily attempting to dodge the role of the oppressor ourselves. Breaking the cycles of intergenerational and systemic trauma like canaries down a coal mine.

As I write this I see I am sitting now in the deeply woven fabric of the interpersonal cognitive dissonance that is required to uphold an anti-human system. Where people have been systematically undermined by their parents, the education system, the work systems and community systems. To find themselves somewhere way beyond the edge of what they thought to be true. The things they were convinced of, that aren’t too convincing. The things that drive you mad if you just took sometime to attempt to reason with them. Unlocking, disengageing and dismantling the system is a process that starts from within. Where we discover that love isn’t what we thought it was. That approval isn’t required for you to be held. Our secure attachments need to move beyond societal compliance. The levels of trauma that we experience both personal, familial, societal, professional and indeed systemically are way far beyond what most of us can cope with on our own. That’s why I am a Life Doula.

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I Heal Humans

It’s such weird thing to have to say. I heal humans. As much as I’ve been banging on about the importance of niching my business; the reason it’s been so difficult is how do I decide who is worthy of my attention? If someone is in need how do you go about deciding if there are parameters for whom I care?

There are many ways to heal. Yet I believe that the primary way to do that is story. That you need to tell your story. More than this, that you need to feel your story. You need to witness all the things that we have internalised, ignored and tolerated in order to survive. So many of us know the things that have happened to us and yet so few of us feel worthy of feeling heard.

I often say that we only have to go to therapy to share all the things that we were not allowed to say. In response to telling your story you need to be heard.

So often in life our emotional wounds are not taken seriously. Only physical wounds are recognised as painful and in need of healing. That talking about how we feel is in someway toxic. You see that the thing we’ve been gaslighted into believing that conversation is unnecessary and at worst weak. The truth is that our emotions are toxic to a functional system. That is why they are deemed unnecessary. The thing is that because our relationships are so often caught up  in the idea of trying to be kind or even keeping order, we often aren’t able to speak our minds. If we can’t speak we don’t get the opportunity to make the right next step or even be asked a ‘better’ question. If you were able to feel through your daily life you would act very differently to how you have to ‘operate’? Each choice we make we are giving our power and sovereignty away and corroding the power of others in the process. So many of us are out there pointing fingers, angered by hypocrisy and corruption, completely unaware that we are complicit in an anti-human system.

More than this I feel that traditional psychological practices are very limited in their approach to human healing. They are corrupted by the structure of the system too. They don’t account for trauma and nor do they account for the deepening levels of secure attachment and trust required for someone to truly emotionally heal.

It’s time for that to change. I am a bit unusual in my approach to healing. I’m a story listener.

I truly believe that story is the way into deep healing. That we hold all the things that we think have been stolen, misplaced and even lost to us. It’s only a matter of speaking the words and hearing yourself and reflectively listening to all the wisdom that lives inside us. I like to listen and question and understand you. I want to be able to relate to what you have to say. Finding the deeper meaning in your thoughts, feelings and even ‘truths’. To see where they are truly guiding us and if indeed you want to go where your mind is taking you. That’s all a good conversation is a deeper questioning of self. I like to think of the conversations I offer as headspace. I offer the time you need to get perspective and see things in a new or different way. To help you understand yourself. In my experience all we need is a very good and often long conversation to find our way back there again. The truth is that we are powerful beyond our most wild imaginings.

So that’s it I heal humans though listening, accompanied with a cup of tea.

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It’s All Connected

Hmmm well this is the second time that I am writing this article. As WordPress has developed an habit of deleting my blog posts these day or at least not saving them. Who knows why? The result is that I just screamed Fuck at the computer, more distinctly the entity that is WordPress and I’m feeling a little triggered.  If it ain’t broke why fix it? That is what I say? The last week and WordPress have taught me the improvements and development often come at the expense of the individual.

This now seems the true nature of Systemic Trauma as I move through it’s innermost workings. “If you want to go far go together. If you want to go quickly go alone” African Proverb.

WordPress are going to update their systems whether it is for benefit or not. Even though I am a paying customer. Even though we know that most people are working to capacity. Even though they know it might impact my writing and even my business. What would motivate them to do that? To disenfranchise their customers in such a way?

Why would a company that I rely on want to forcing me to work more for less results and impacting on my emotional labour. Sounds like they are my employer rather than the other way round. You see by using WordPress I have inadvertently consented to there management and product development systems, that I am personally fining deeply unethical, inconsiderate and damaging to my own processes. Do they care? I doubt it. So now even though I was happy with their service I have to ask questions about my complicity in there business structures. As well as examine there motivations as to why they would want to do this. The things is the systems is rigged they probably need to update everything because they have new servers? Or software or even operating systems or it doesn’t work with the latest Iphone. Which is now bringing up ideas of designed obsolescence and the role t plays in society. I premise that it may be the greatest disruptor of our time. You see the more that we are able to destablise things the more we are able to create dependency. As the The System whittles aware at our resistance and resilience.

How do you feel when a days worth of work has disappeared? This is the third time in two weeks my output has been entirely wasted. I’m yet to discover exactly why this is happening? Any idea WordPressers? WordPress are not going to go back only forward. The agenda of progress at the expense of everyone else. Cause they want to attract new customers in the new adapt or die metaphor for technological advancement. Then imagine that we are a wolf pack apparently we are supposed to move as fast as our slowest member or we all die? It’s and interesting allegory for our time. When I think about the Systemic. That progress and agendas have been the justification of the abandonment of others.

What have we left behind? The elderly? The children? The refugees? Separation consciousness as opposed to unity consciousness as we pursue our own agendas. Look to your own life. Who have you left behind because they are hindering you. It’s become the new normal, the abandonment of relationships for the betterment of self. Rather than place in which we are allowed our differences or even better the right to return.

In the previous article I wrote that WordPress deleted, I was talking about the confusing and messy matter of understanding the systemic. How the systemic only exists on the behest of  of the ignorance, displacement aka disruption. What if we took into consideration the idea of descendent healing. That we have a responsibility to the people who have descended from our ancestory. Yes it sounds strange and yet it will make sense just as soon as WordPress buy me enough time to write about it.