Process

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Collective Evolution & Futures

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Life lives in the cracks.

Several months ago I was standing on my balcony in Cape Town looking at an avocado seed sprouting the beginnings of new life, witnessing how perfect it was. That it had taken generations of avocado life cycles to produce such a well-formed seed. I occurred to me that this seed was demonstrative of collective evolution and that it must retain some form of collective consciousness to have developed in such a way. It was astounding to me that this seed was capable of transferring information through the invisible.

It feels much the same way right now with human consciousness. We are plugged into the power of collective consciousness in such an interesting time of planetary evolution. That we are all connected to everything, that we can’t separate ourselves from one another. That our feelings are all mixed together and that none of our feelings are either isolated or anomalous. They all belong here in this time.

So many cycles and patterns are folding in on themselves. The pattern of our anti-human behaviour, whether it be how we relate to race, gender, culture and nature as a whole. Whether we are experiencing the waxing and waning of the moon or being balled over by these supercharged eclipses. There is an acknowledging going on as much as there is an awakening.

That right now more than ever our collective trauma inherited and lived are all mixed up and mixed in with one another. We seem to be continually asking ourselves is it just me? As we breakdown and breakthrough. I’ve just been asked as part of a workshop by Robin Lim and exceptional Birthkeeper to write a letter about this time to read in 9 months. Yes we are rebirthing individually and as a collective. It’s incredible to live in such a historical time. To wonder where we might be in a year or five or even fifty as a result of this shift? As I think back to other pivotal moments in history. That seems to be being presented again and again, as we seem to be dancing with fascism all over. Yet still we live our lives day by day only able to deeply connect to the immediacy of the people and causes around us. Yes I was there. Yes,  I am here witnessing writing, living breathing. Wondering what the next 9 months might bring as I untangle my collective karma. The unperformed rituals, the missed rights of the lost placenta and the unmarked graves of the long-dead and the abandoned long living. So much to remember to forget, record, release and even heal. That can only be done with speaking unspoken truths and collective revelations.

What I do know form that avocado is that we are driven by a benevolent force that is committed to our betterment.

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Generational Healing

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Birthkeepers are Earth Keepers

Is Generational Healing confusing you? Why exactly are people out marching for equality 150 or so years after slavery? Trauma is inter-generational. The inequalities and injustice of slavery have never been fully healed. Why did slave owners get compensation? Yet the newly freed slaves didn’t? And why has this never been addressed? Ah I think you’ll find it’s something called systemic racism. Just because you ignore something it doesn’t mean it goes away. So here we are witnessing a nation demanding the generational healing it should have received 150 years ago.

I work with systemic trauma. Maybe this is a good opportunity to explain exactly what that means. I believe that overall we live in an anti-human system. If your looking for references why not ask your nearest essential worker about their day to day lives? You can ask a woman what it is like to feel silenced? You can ask a person of colour what it is like to live in their body? (Ask for consent for the conversation first and remember enthusiastic consent is the only form of consent that is acceptable) You can ask an immigrant what it is like to be treated as ‘foreign’. Speak to a disabled person what it is like to be discarded or for the old to be abandoned. These individual stories are important, relevant and pivotal at this time. And Yes Black Live Matter.

If you preference the book of an academic or a well respected figured over the personal stories of  your locally marginalised ask yourself why?  Why do we trust the published, the legitimised over our neighbours and friends?  Published and legitimised by who? and what? Why do we value the opinion of a Oxford Don over a Cape Flats Builder? Where does your reasoning come from? In what way have you been prejudiced in your thinking and why?

You’re carrying the weight of institutions and ideas that you have never actively consented to be part of.

Even if something can be reasoned does it mean it’s justified?

Ideas of race are non-scientific invented by the powers that be in order to keep us separate. Our institutions and governments are built on a race based fantasy. You inherited these systems and you have been forced to accept them as your own. Paradoxically even though the system is based on unconscious bias the impacts of non-scientific belief systems are very real and have measurable impacts on the demographics affected. Systemic racism demands that you believe that people of colour are inherently disadvantaged as result of ‘race’ rather than by systemic racisim. The system is of course narcissistic in it’s characteristic gaslighting of it’s participants with lies and propaganda. It is the most extreme tool of oppression. The idea that any human is superior or lessor based on any physical attributes, belief, creed or ability is of course anti-human.

That is why systems of governance are very much about keeping you stuck, as we wage war within ourselves and against each other. Information overload is designed to bamboozle you. To stop you from taking any concerted action about most things.

All my personal questioning has led me to the understanding of collective systemic trauma that affects everyone in the system. Yet negatively impacts the quality of life of those marginalised by the system. The privileged have a responsibility go on a decolonisation journey to understand how our choices impact everyone in society.

We can’t reason with the unreasonable. So for me the far deeper question is what do you feel about it instead? Is whats happening out there on the street inhumane? Is what happening to you and your family unjust? Are you finding it hard to survive in anti-human society? Are you bamboozled by the cognitive dissonance of what is presented and what is actually happening? Have you found a way to reconcile that?

In my work all I ever do is listen to stories, powerful deeply unique stories. There is no one size fits all solution to systemic trauma because it is all so deeply personal.  How I was treated in school is very different to how you were and so we draw different conclusions.

I wonder what would happen if we listened to each others stories. Personally I feel that the systemic racism that occurs across the western world is abhorrent and that the best solution that I have is to continue to discuss and explore systemic trauma in response to that.  I care about people of colour or whatever politically correct term,  we are using this this month to identify people, people who are actually more than capable of identifying themselves.

You see experience has endlessly taught me that I don’t get to pick someones descriptive, pronoun or identity. When it comes to the classification of people we are only every following guidelines and ultimately how someone chooses to identify is down to them. If you really want to talk about race, you can ask someone how they self-identify. You might find that they don’t even identify with colour. Lets face it I’m a white person that wouldn’t use white a my first descriptive, that’s white privilege at work in case you didn’t get the memo. You see white identity is normalised inside the white system this = whiteness.

In the last few weeks I have been on the most extraordinary journey with The Red Tent Doulas. All based in birthing and story. I never knew that birth stories could be quite so powerful if shared with intention. What is more generationally healing than a story about birth? Your own birth. The birth of a movement or a nation? What are our origin stories? That tell us who we are and the ways in which we were brought into this world? What’s your birth story? You might be very surprised at what you find here. It’s not sugarplum fairies and the stork. Did you know that in the UK  a black women is 5 times more likely to die in childbirth that a white woman? That’s 3 times higher than the US’s known statistics on the matter.

Isn’t it interesting this is a uprising starts with death and a grown man’s cries for his mama. What would it take to heal this injustice for one family? What would it take for this injustice to be healed for all families dealt the same brutal state orchestrated execution. What would it take for us to heal all the people involved in those stories? What would it take for the trauma not to be catching? Could we heal a community? Could we heal a nation? What would it take to heal three continents that the story triangulates round? Only to find that we’d excluded all the places in the world where slavery and colonialism have co-existed for millennia. This affects everybody and we can only heal together. We can only heal in community. Where it is safe. Where we feel safe, heard and loved. The answer is in listening to stories.

In the healing circuits we say continually that healing is non-linear. I believe the only reason for this is that we have not been allowed to heal. That our emotions have been disregarded as non-fact. That our humaness has been denied in order for us to fit into a system that values our profit making abilities more than our innate human gifts. We have to change everything about ourselves to undo this reality as it stands at this moment. I’m asking you step beyond individualised trauma here.

I’m asking you to build a bridge between the relational, the generational and systemic. That the way that we relate to people how we treat one another gets passed on. We are all equal we are all valuable and we are all worthy of each others love and respect. To step out of this  we have to move beyond our own pain. As someone with privilege I need to use all the skills I have to minimise harm and utilise the resources I have to support those who are highly vulnerable at the hands of the oppressor. Which happens to be, me, someone who is complicit in an oppressive system. Yup don’t look away now. The problem is you. We are complicit in a system that is designed to traumatise.

Process, Uncategorized

Generational Questions for a New Age.

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Wow I just realised Generationl = Gene Rational

I have to admit that when I set out this heading I was more focused on a climate emergency, than a global pandemic or indeed the continuing questions of decolonisation that systemic trauma is always posing.

Yes WTF? I was taking a very privileged stance as they might say. My privilege affords me the right to take a ‘wider view’ to consider the big questions. Do you know why? Because I don’t live my life in abject terror on most days. Fight, flight does stuff to your brain. It’s called trauma.

Yet at the same time, I’m still interested in root cause, you see. The root cause is trauma and trauma in my experience is largely systemic. For me trauma is the question of our generation. That is why I’m always talking about it. It affects everything and my hashtags might teach you.

The earth is not the issue, a global pandemic is not the issue, nor is race. It’s the way that we relate to each other and the world at large that needs to change. It’s why I am interested in the oppressor. I’m interested in a deep examination of self. How to use that personal power to fall out of the system, redirect my attention and create the new.

Systemic oppression is complicated if you are witnessing it through the lens of trauma. We’ve been taught to believe that feelings don’t matter. That only objective facts matter. Except objective facts aren’t human or humane. This is an inherited tool of oppression. It’s been passed down through the generations. It’s one of many. If we don’t care how people feel we don’t care about people.

It’s for that reason that the killing of George Floyd is so powerful it’s an objective fact that he was murdered on film by an organisation that is intended to protect him. We can’t argue with it. It’s truth. Yet at the same time, we aren’t taking the same heed of what ‘isn’t’ happening in the UK, Israel, The Yemen, Brazil or even South Africa. Our social media is biased, or news platforms limited. We are all bound up in systems of oppression. We are all oppressed. That is what the powers that be don’t want you to know. It’s divide and rule all the way.

We need to come together to debase systemic abuse on all fronts, on all levels, in all nations. That until we take control of our own trauma it’s almost impossible to take care of the people we need to help most. I’m ready to be torn down in flames over this. Fuck like really. Decolonisation work is scary. The reason that it is scary is because there is so much trauma involved.  You say the wrong thing you hit a nerve and a whole situation explodes. I’ve been there. I’ve been there plenty and still, I need to learn more so I have to ask more questions. Read more books and wonder what is actually going on. Really it’s trauma. The questions that we need to ask is how is our trauma preventing us from acting?

In recent months I have come to a conclusion, even though I’m writing now, even though I am centralising myself and even though I don’t understand everything and I will never get it all right. Oppressors need to be quiet. Unless of course, we are speaking to oppressors about oppression. We need to be able to hold space for the oppressed. We need to do some deep listening if anything is going to change.

The challenge that we face is that we seem to think that emotions aren’t’ real. That rage isn’t justified. Everybody’s rage is justified and it’s the result of not being heard. Black Lives Matter.

Process, Uncategorized

Relational Healing

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In our modern world, the light of the moon and the feeling that we share can be obscured by light pollution, sometimes we need to leave our environment to find out what is truly guiding us.

Isn’t this the reason that we are all fucked up in the first place? Yeah probably. We are going to have to go a few hashtags deep before we seriously move beyond this. And yes relationships fuck you up. Here’s the real fucker if you ask any serious guru or even a friendly yogi they’ll tell you that they may well be the very reason why we exist at all. We are the universe experiencing itself. I am you, you are me and we together mirror each other. If I’m pissing you off it’s actually all about what you have or have not mastered in yourself. Yes, that. I know it’s annoying. No matter how your spin we are all being forcibly sucked into relationships, even if it’s with the slugs in your own personal hermit cave. #justsaying. Not much we can do about it unless your planning for a big exit.

So how do we heal relationships? That depends on the relationship? Yet at the same time, it largely depends on you and the inner dialogue you are touting. We treat people the way that we have been treated. The science is clear. We perpetuate what we don’t heal. Many of us grew up in a family of dysfunction. As adults, it is by no means an excuse to set up camp and live there. We all have choices in this life. We all get to chose how to treat people and more than this we get to chose how we get treated.

I have struggled most of my life, specifically in romantic relationships because it’s really hard to break what has been modelled to us. More then this it’s hard to break the beliefs systems you’ve been born into. What I have learned in the last twelves months is that in the west martyrdom is a paradigm we’ve been idolising for a few millennia now and it’s not working out for us. That we need to be patient, kind, noble. That in no way should we find our Kali-esk offering of the dark side or get deep down and dirty with our inner Darth Vader. What if you want to be the villain. You see these are the polarities that we live with, we are too kind, then we have to claw back out self-respect through some vengeful tactics, that we might even particularly like like Blue Tiffany boxes containing shit. Anyways I think you get what I am saying. This life is a never-ending commitment to stop your inner shit storm spilling out on to the outer realms and into the streets or into other peoples lives. The only way to create relational healing is to heal the way we relate to ourselves and cut out anybody that treats us less than that. They say we can’t heal in the places that broke us. Yet we have to be willing to break to learn something new. You have got to change your approach, change your attitude as see that we are all broken in our own special and unique ways. That we have to add love to the hurt especially when it comes to our own wounds before we go picking at anybody else’s.

Process, Uncategorized

It’s Not You, It’s Me

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Are you feeling upside down and a little prickly?

It actually is all about you. Relational healing is primarily about the relationship that you have with yourself and no matter how good you think it is, it can always get better. It’s at this point I think it’s important to tell you that I just opened a tin of anchovies and started eating them in bed. You see I’m not here to preach with you about how your relationship should or in fact be. Cause if you are doing it for show it is almost certainly time to dig deeper. There is no need to be flashing your green juice and your yoni egg round here unless of course you really think you are that toxic? If you are, you are welcome here.

You see I’m not here to write about the meeting of the divne femine and sacred masculine in some deep holy union. I’m here to talk about the occurance of a trauma bonded personal hell. They’re a bit different aren’t they? One is all orgasmic bliss and the other is all orgasmic hell, as we go from one adreanline fueled fuck up to the next. I ain’t going to paint up all nice and make out that the stuff that I deal with even in my own interpersonal realtionships – particulary with myself aren’t excrutiating. We all have a bit of the devil in us no matter how hard we have worked or how blank minded we aspire to be at 10 am on a idyl Tuesday. It’s all fucked up and did I mention we are in a global pandemic? Stuck indoors with the same people; all the time?

Yet some of us are entirely physically alone in this and struggling hard. Our inner demons are scratching us from the inside. Even as a well seasoned trauma tucker I’ve felt my anxiety peak, fragility surface and have felt both cracked and chipped over the last few days. There has also been a new moon of epic proportions. That seems to be amplifying the galatic rays of purification and purging. If you haven’t been wailing into your pillow lately are you even Earthly?

So seriously if you are manging to hold together any kind of relationship at all, you truly are in top form right now. You got to give yourself some slack, grab your favourite junk food. Turn off the digital chat and go inward. I spent three hours praying today (that is neither aspirational nor normal). Cause well, I needed to switch off the conversation I’ve been having with myself for the the last 5 days. Sometimes you have just got to douse yourself with intention and hope the essential oils don’t catch on fire. It’s time to meet yourself in the mire. Shoulder the responsibilty of blame and find a way to move forward with the interpersonal shit storm, that is basically fucking the planet. We are here to learn. Where would you find water if it wasn’t in the tap? We are thoroughly disconnected from our friendly host and some how we think divine union is achievable in this life time? To be fair it probably is, it’s just the starting point that’s truly fucked.

 

 

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Emotional Healing

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Running like fuck dropping the ball, falling flat on your face and then having a wee cry. That what my week has been like. How about yours? never mind feeling a little overconfident, to begin with. Humility, that where I need to begin. In other news the sun is shining in Scotland?

 

I wish I had better news for you. That you could heal your self and your trauma without feeling anything, It’s just not possible unless of course, you are talking about the physical pain and even that is a little tricky. I have believed that emotional healing is at the centre of all physical healing. That our bodies react and even responds to how we feel. That our bodies are constantly and continually responding to emotional information.

We need to pay attention to how we feel or can’t ignore it or it won’t be long until we are in the myre. Like seriously. I know that there is a lot of talk about plant medicines these days and alternative therapies. Really all they are is guiding you on a journey back to yourself to visit your core wounds see where the hurt lies and get you to sit with yourself for a minute. It’s a lot of what I do too. When all you have to do is sit down and talk to me. Imagine that. What you will discover is that you are actually making time to have a conversation with yourself. When was the last time you did that?

You don’t have to believe in some secret kind of woo that somebody just discovered from some archaic branch of ancient knowledge. All you have to do it sit down and speak. Speak the language of your soul and realise whatever has been vexing or stealing you out into the world. It’s wild huh? This is the world that I know. Holding space talking, tea, chat and conversation or in Scotland we call a wee blether. A wee blether and even a long blether offers us the opportunity to fix just about everything. To get it all out in the open in a safe space. Where it’s all about you. Where there is no reciprocity required and you can just be heard, find space to feel and even cry. Sometimes rage. I don’t mind the raging and in fact, it’s important that we are able to feel into those spaces of anguish and desire. That we don’t drink run or dance them away. That we own them and then realise we can bear them like new life that we can carry their weigh, love and care and find ourselves there. I know it all sounds very hippie and trite and maybe even a little bit shite, yet it is true. What more could we want from this world other than to be witnessed and heard and at the very least by ourselves? Have you learned to lick your wounds and love yourself in the dark spaces beyond what you have already known? Have you swam in the abyss? I know, I have lived there for years of my life. If I could find a comfy sofa I’d probably sit down. You see we enter the inner scape and make it real with our own metaphors. that is how we tell our stories, that is how we heal, for Churchill it was the black dog for me it’s the abyss and for others, it’s the dark side of the moon. It’s the pushing beyond and just like that… self-realisation happens.

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Emotional Labour as a Priority

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The Red Tent Doulas Community know all about emotional labour.

All is not right with the world. The media is gaslighting us along with most governments. The conspiracy theorist are going at it too, it’s all a hoax, to keep us compliant as the reptilian forces continue to clutch at control. I believe you. I’m convinced and it’s exhausting. In the past I fought everything, from NHS cuts to the bombing of Gaza all in the name of doing what is right. Holding back the storm of shit that is destroying humanity and the planet. I have exhausted myself trying to be right and do right. Expecting sane responses in an insane world. I’ve learned over the years that there is not much use in fighting things. I’m far more interested in building things.

That healing ourselves and the connections we have are the key to community and planetary recovery.

I’ve drilled right down into the centre of my need for equality, justice and found that there is everything right with this aspiration. That I as humans we should all be entitled to it. That we have to create it for ourselves. That healing ourselves and the connections we have are the keys to community and planetary recovery. That unless I create it for myself there is no way to share it. That if I wanted to create equality and justice in this world my emotional state has to be at the very centre of that balance. I need to be stable to create stability, to create safety. The micro informs the macro. Our healing is central to the maintenance of humanity.

We create what we focus on. I live my life differently to most people. I prioritise my emotional over just about everything else. My feelings matter because they are the compass of my soul. My soul doesn’t work on clockwork. At best it can be timed by the moon and it cycles and the flow of my womb and all worst of other magic that has been whole scaled denied for the convenience of control. That what makes us safe is not necessarily comfortable and there is always pain in growth. We have to push, lean, relax and even expand into pain to learn it’s lessons and this takes time, the kind of time that you can’t set your watch by. All my effort as a human has to be put into creating the new by clearing out the old. One emotional disturbance at a time that needs to be felt into.

That vision is ensuring that I am continually committed to doing the personal work and emotional labour to ensure that I am in alignment. So that I am always able to have the conversations that have been denied us. So that we can hold circle and protect the balance of our centres.

Process, Uncategorized

Trauma Healing

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Trauma can leave you standing on the edge.

We are all fucking traumatised, have been traumatised and there is just no way round that. Life happens we get told shit by our primary 2 teacher and it sticks with us for life. Unless you’ve been working at the challenge or have a remarkably put together family,  you are more than likely quite fucked up and even if you aren’t that’s probably traumatising on its own. Guess what nobody can ‘fix’ it except you.

You literally have to be the change that you want to see in the world and commit to it if you ever hope to make any significant difference in how you feel. It is still ok to be radically flawsome in all of that too.

Trauma is real and many of us are dealing with its impacts every single day. For a long time, maybe a decade I’ve known that trauma lies at the centre of almost every life disruption. That we are living in societies and systems that spend most of there time gaslighting us then act surprised about trauma. All Trump and Boris are doing is making it very clear that both our governmental systems and our leaders are very unwell. You’d be insane to heed either of them. Yet here we are having conversations about bleach and staying alert hopefully to stories about drinking bleach. We are living in extreme times in every way. There are nearly 35,000 dead in the UK and the government keep telling us they are doing a good job. Did I mention the gaslighting?  If we were in a personal relationship like the one we have with the state, we would have all been institutionalised years ago. There is a reason why the Scots are known to be aggressive. We don’t like being lied to.

This is really just the tip of the iceberg as to a whole host of things that have been de-humanising us over time. A baby is born and your back at work after 3 months. Bereavement is treated as an inconvenience rather than a personal tragedy. Cardboard boxes are deemed an appropriate disposal method for a human life.

Work-life to has now been radically altered, maybe never to be the same again as people move away from the traditional job and god forbid the idea of the commute (Cause that was healthy). Interdependence seems to be the word of the year. As the anti-human agenda of the, capitalist system truly begins to sink in. Capitalism is a crock of shit that is designed to keep us stuck on the hamster wheel of hell for all eternity. Where is the life in that?

Beyond this and natural disasters, humans can be truly ghastly to one another. Religious wars, Colonialism, Capitalism, Genocide and then there’s just day to day murder and torture. Never mind the minor issue of global poverty and inequality that drive the whole negative cycle. People feel shit they do shit things in desperate attempt to go to better places or something as simple as safety. It’s remarkable that in the times that we are living in that adrenalin fatigue is a real illness and we aren’t even running away from lions. We are simply working so hard that we aren’t able to look after ourselves. That even with all our improvements, we are burning out trying to keep up with an unreasonable system that treats us as human-robot there to fuel production and profits.

Off the factory floor, the impacts are massive; breaking down families, breaking down tribes, polluting communities and driving us to social and planetary emergency. As a species, we have been through a lot. In the last century, we have developed technologies that are capable of bringing armageddon in the haze of perpetual war.

All of this stops when we begin to take control of our trauma. Hurt people hurt people. We need to heal our hurts rather than inflicting them externally. It’s all about truth and reconciliation.

Check out my email free series on brain trauma

Here’s Gabor Maté talking about trauma.

Process, Uncategorized

Brain Trauma

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Brain Trauma is in full flow right now, with the Covid 19 lockdown still in place. Right now Occupation Intelligence looks a lot like staying at home, if you can.

I’m so pleased I put this forward as the subject for today. It’s been exactly what I have been thinking about all this morning, so far. Where’s you head at? Where’s Your Head At?

Brain Trauma, impacts our perceptions, our choices and our responses. It’s very real even if you can’t see it. Last year my friend invited me on a Responsive Leadership course with A2B Transformation. Being a qualified Master Coach I didnt’ think I was going to learn anything. I was so board of coaches & healers trying to sell me things. my friend. I could spend the next 20 years of my life consistently studying and I might never get there (where? right?). That you just need to do that one more course. Luckily I am beginning to realise that that is now all part of the healing journey.

With reluctance, I went. I knew it was the universe knocking. Divine intervention (it happens once in a while) and it turned out to cause a paradigm shift that changed the trajectory of my business and life.

What I learned is immense as I literally had my brain blown open to the true impacts childhood experiences on brain development and neurological trauma. I’m not talking about brain injuries in the physical sense. I’m talking about about the development of neural pathways in the brain caused by either physical or emotional trauma.

Stepping into a deeper understanding of the brain enlightened me as to my own behaviours way beyond what I thought was possible in any academic process. Please bear in mind that this goes beyond personality typing.  A2B Transformation have come up with a process called Hardwires that allows you to identify your own neural pathways and how they are negatively impacting you. As well as if you are are right, left or whole-brain dominant.

The course was also designed in such a way that you are also able to build new neural pathways very quickly. I can honestly say that after a weekend on that course my brain has never felt better and as a result of that intervention and interaction. Ever since I learned about brain trauma I no longer suffer from blind overthinking and overwhelm. They are no longer a source of anxiety for me. It’s changed everything in my life and my understanding of what I thought was the self entirely.

If you want to find out more about my own insights into the wiring my brain you can sign up  To a series of essays I wrote here.

Below is a video of from A2B Transformation talking about brain development.

Process, Uncategorized

The Self & The System

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Look at my frizzy hair. It makes me think of Hermoine. Yes, this hair is brushed. Yes, this hair is frizzy as a result. Systemic Trauma comes in all forms and hair is very much central to that. Self Healing is difficult.

I’ve been pootling about my social media, doing my best to make it structured and coherent. This weeks theme is self and as I was navigating my own anxiety when this blog title popped up as a theme to explore. I was obsessing over my social media numbers, post insights and website stats.

I got thinking about the pretty ones and that fact that there is no way round it. The prettier ones get more action. Then I thought I’m lucky I’ve got a good face. Even if I don’t do my best to maximise on its ability to perform. Then I realised what a weird unfair advantage to have. That it is indeed an unfair advantage. Now I’ll be clear I’ve been using my social media to promote my anti-aesthetic as a way to question the system. It’s a political stance. Then I had to think about it, the advantages of having a symmetrical face. It’s biological programming that takes us way back beyond the history of humans and made me consider Jordan B Peterson and his take on hierarchical structures that are inherited via genetics. That the system goes far beyond the trauma of consciously choosing. The System is deeply subconscious programming that is embedded in our DNA, not just our thought systems. Scientific or non-scientific.

We exist within structures that are bedded in our very genetics, that goes beyond infrastructure, accepted practices and even our very DNA. Social Media and particularly Instagram perpetuate as the system that has led me here. Writing. That on a very deep level. I am the system. I am genetically biased as to who I choose to share my sex life with. I’m biased as to how my trauma plays out in society and that even as much as I like and want to deconstruct myself. That there are some things I have yet to break down in myself. That I am the system no matter what. Even if I might want to reject it. That accepting myself as am; there are some things within myself that I am unable to change. That these might be the definitive lines of separation consciousness.

That then makes me question on a what is the self? Where do our choices of individuation play out in the development of character or even the curatorship of an Instagram profile?  That’s a very funny thing to learn about ourselves. That we have inherited the systems we operate in and I wonder where that leads us at this current crossroads of humanity. Who am I? Who are you and what have we inherited? More and more this seems to be the conversations that I have been left with… the conversation that we couldn’t have with the people nearest us. The trauma we have inherited. In fact, in many ways this is how my long-form conversations came about. That I have been resolving all the messiness of the world. Starting with conversations about our parents. Those things that we can’t resolve around them that we have to console to resolve in ourselves in our choices. What I see more and more, what drew me to the Systemic Trauma work that I do is it is unlocking the inherited and see what is not our responsibility. We did not cause apartheid, white privilege, capitalism or even eco-anxiety we inherited it. It’s not ours and we don’t have to carry it. All we have to know is that we can put it down.

We have to put the burdens down to move beyond the system.