Process, Uncategorized

I Am A Changemaker

Guess what? ‘I am a changemaker that brings transformative laughter to the human world.’  

This was my first ever Apple Tree Statement from my ILS training and it still stands strong today. Not long after that I figured out that ‘I am a friend that brings transformative laughter to the human world’ and when I am feel deep in a alignment and in fact lost in the profound I tend to rally around the feeling “I am resonance”.  

‘I am a changemaker’ these days sounds both goofy and  generic and actually quite contrary to what I actually do. But sure if you asked me a few years ago this may have been the goofy kind of answer I would have given to describe what I do. Now I think about change, location and myself very differently to what I once believed were very advanced ideas of world change. 

The thing is ‘Life is Change’ being alive is at its very essence is being in the middle of a chain reaction of cause and effect. Even if you locked yourself in a box room for 20 years your very existence is a never ending process of change in it’s very minutiae. 

The thing that I realise now about the idea of being a changemaker seems to come with the underlying presumption that there must be something wrong or that something needs to change or indeed fixed. Now more than ever it seems to be true that maybe something does have to change. Yet at the same time the thing that needs to change are actually the changes. I’m sure I mentioned this about the Amish a few articles back. What we need to change is what shouldn’t have been changed in the first place. How the fuck do you do that?

I’ve spent a lot of my life witnessing changemakers flying in all direction making change in places they weren’t invited and ignoring the place where they actually are. Feeling deep into my anxiety paralysis terrified about the impact of my chickpea consumption. Wondering how this relates to land trauma? 

Anyways despite the anxiety paralysis and glacial pace I Am A Changemaker. If I look at changemaking in the micro the most obvious way that I express that is my production of CO2. I’m an oxygen thief. Scary huh? So in these times at the center of both a climate emergency and an airborne killer disease I am forced once again as a ‘Changemaker” to come back to the idea of breathing as the most centered understanding place of where change is available in my life. Maybe this is exactly why breath work has taken the world by storm in recent years. Beyond meditation and stillness, how about breathing? Right now our most basic action of breathing is entirely toxic to our planetary system and thus ourselves and all other Earthlings. It’s easy to imagine why people are vehemently throwing around the idea of oxygen thievery. The concept itself opening a whole process of worthiness competition. Which may relate deeply to the idea May All Beings Be Well. You see as much as we might want to change things. How useful is it really if most of us are blithely unaware of the toxicity of our own breath? Yup welcome to the brutal innerscape and outerscapes of 2020. 

I’m not sure at what point I’m going to get round to changing the way I breathe. So maybe it’s time to return to that age old tradition of simply observing the breath and wondering what it’s needs might be and in the process witness my own needs. Witness that right here right now each breath is a precious gift that I might be wasting by not giving it my very deliberate attention. 


The Tragedy of Dharma or Did I Say Drama?

IMG-0581Lets get real we all love gossip, as graceful or as well meaning as we might all hope to be everybody loves a good story. Nothing better than a love story, then there’s nothing like someone else’s personal tragedy to help you grasp at all your lucky stars, with the tenacity that can keep you holding on to anything in the hope of something, for way to long.

So my self-care routine has been falling apart, my Instagram account is all about lost chronologies. My energy feels like chaos and my mind is a mess. What’s going on? Oh yes life and it’s fluctuations. This week I’m moving homes. I think it’s the 35th time this life time.

How can we make each day a blessing in mindfulness when each task seems to drivel it’s way across time like silly string. Yup it’s a tragedy of dharma. That if we don’t keep all our shit bolted to the walls and tied down nicely how can we possibly find any peace? Meanwhile messy fucked up life is reigning merry mayhem with the things you have apparently manifested. You have to decide that breathing is the best you can do for the next two minutes and if you can find water in the next three days well you are actually winning at life. Are we required to do much more than sustain ourselves anyway?

Drama can bring down dharma in a moment. Drama is the story that we tell ourselves to justify our dharma, pushing through our pain so that we can perceive ourselves as the highly functional being that we are supposed to be really? Really is that the story? To be happier? Is that the story? To be well? Is that the story of fulfillment? Is that the story of Dharma?

For many keeping your keys in the same place every day (even when you are not moving) can feel like chasing kryptonite even though it isn’t that cryptic. All you have to do is stay in the present moment long enough to put your keys in the same place. I have a friend who swears by the practice of visualising that his house keys exploded every time he puts them down somewhere. So he visually ingrains where he last saw them into his brain. After all who could forget a set of exploding keys?  It’s so symbolic to forget the keys to our house. In a material world it’s got to herald losing the keys to ourselves. We are disconnected disassociated with our own realities being taken on these magical journeys of mind.

My mind is constantly a flutter and there seems to no way to stop if from fluttering away to the next idea task or social media post even now. When I’ve got several unfinished thoughts of blog posts ahead of this one scheduled unready to go. The mind can be hard to capture sometimes. Like when you you try to use a kids fish net for catching butterflies and who has ever owned a butterfly net anyways? It’s such an extravagant thing. There it was though. That long fleeting memory of trying to catch butterflies that you never could. Sometime that is what mindfulness feels like when you’re all caught up in chasing money, catching abundance or dowsing for water. That anything just beyond your own breath is slipping through the net. Even if it’s all happening in the right way. We spin ourselves out of control when all we need is to drink the water, sleep easy and observe ourselves, then find ourselves in the moment again. With the dishes done. The tasks finished.

Then the onslaughts of to do lists rolling over us again. It’s all a commitment. We have to keep coming back to the discipleship of the every day. The dharma, chopping water and carrying wood, endlessly relearning the material ways for this lifetime.