Process, Uncategorized

Systemic Change

Even last night as I lay in bed I was wondering why I had chosen to be Systemic Trauma Specialist, rather than a Systemic Change Specialist or indeed a Systemic Healing Specialist?

It’s a very long story that I will do my very best to summarise here. You see the systemic has only just teetered into my consciousness as something that fully exists much less that it can be effectively tackled. As if tackling is going to work. I can’t catch it wrestle it to the ground and make it submit. In fact, as my last post suggests that approach is probably quite counter-intuitive, no matter how powerful it might make me feel. You see I can imagine that there are a lot of beautiful corporate face out there in their mass-produced Chinese shirts grinning from ear to ear, with the prospect of selling us a brighter future, with clean energy and human-centred design. Problem is at what point did these Systemic Change Specialists learn to be human? Have they even had time in their life to deepen the context of their understanding of change.

You see for me change is a trauma response, maybe very specifically for me, yet it is. I grew up in a home where nothing ever changes, the toxic space tolerance was emotionally corrosive and then explosive as we all trauma bonded together under the coercive control of inherited unresolved abuse and war trauma. It’s a beautiful image, isn’t it? For many of us, this is true and as we were bounced into adulthood with nothing more than the life jacket of freedom we felt forcibly propelled into survival mode. Few of us have sat down to reflect since unless of course you got your burn out badge. It’s been a very firmly held belief for a very long time; if I just was able to change things then everything will be ok. Change jobs, move house, move country, get a new car and I’ll feel better. Of course this approach became both consumptive and addictive one more pair of shoes to stem off your dissatisfaction with life. Then of course it turned to people what if I just help people realise their full potential and see the ways in which they might be able to contribute to society. Which at best was presumptive of me and at worst was mildly fascist. Why can’t we all just change the world and get along while screaming at one another? (Yes I was militant and quite scary with it too) You see the real breakthrough didn’t really come until I figured out that I needed to change myself. In fact, I needed to break to change as I had been so deeply coded with the unchecked toxicity of unconditional love that my own worthiness lurked like a fat island in an underground sewer. The truth is I still haven’t mastered radical self-care or even navigated it with the nuance of radical self-reliance (another trauma response). So you see if someone is running around telling you all the things that you need to change, thinking that there is a singular cure-all approach they probably haven’t talked to that many people, nor have the recognised that Systemic Change results from being entirely human. The bigger question here for me though, within that I’m not sure where shirts fit into that or why indeed they might be appropriate to the evolution of human society? Aesthetics communicate a number of things if you get good at reading the signs. Systemic Change has to emerge from disrupting the system that has been inherited.

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Process, Uncategorized


IMG-2579Well, I can assure you that change is something I’m pretty good at with 34 house moves under my belt, I might even say that I am a master craftswoman or something like that. It’s something that many businesses and corporation go on about a lot these days, change management. Let’s face it the world has been speeding up for a while. Technology is outdated before it’s even hits the shelves and everybody wants to be everywhere all at once. FOMO seems to permeate the millennial life and more than that there is already a whole new generation getting ready to emerge. Millennials are already old news and insta perfect lives seems to a get to be a less manageable delusion. We all make mistakes. We all have bad days. Most of us crave more than we already have. Something different, something new, even if it is just that new restaurant that opened up in town. While other stick to the daily grind stay in their rat runs of existence and do there best to protect themselves for unseeable forces or simply embrace making the best lives that they can (Gold stars for them) My mother once said to me a long time ago that “Life is change”. My life of all people’s is certainly demonstrative of that.

For me right now it’s not so much what is going on for me in my personal life than is the challenge. It is the world at large. We often hear people talking about this period in history, as if nothing like this has ever happened before. Like religious, political, racial and gender persecution hasn’t been a thing. It is hard to acknowledge that it always has when we have experienced 75 years of relative peace in the western world. It’s so easy to forget that that peace is built on conflict. That the privileges that we have right now were developed in response to deep crisis and that most of the world systems have developed through exposure to disaster, whether it be in health, education or governance. Like Game of Thrones and the White Walkers, the biggest threat that we have right now is the preservation of life itself. It goes beyond what little scrap of Earth we may be able to dig out and protect for ourselves. It goes beyond our individual materialist needs and individual survival. It’s about land, waterways, communities and respect and believes that we are now on the very brink of a major paradigm shift where the world as we know it is about to change. Every ten years or so there seems to be a massive emergence of what we might call the radical left. Last time it was the Occupy Movement this time its Extinction Rebellion. Fundamentally what you need to know that movements evolve that many of the people involved in the Extinction Rebellion were involved in Occupy. The goal posts have moved somewhat but what you need to know is that the requirements for a successful resolution to our global challenges have not. What we need is a wellbeing economy that put the needs of the planet first. As The Life Doula, this is at the core of my work as I believe that in order for that change to happen that we need in essence to heal humans of the sickness of greed and the disconnection that fuels so much of our insecurities. That we need secure attachments, strong communities and the ability to sustain ourselves, having all the resources that we need for survival within walking distance. It’s time to get back to where we belong, in loving families, intentional tribes safe from the disruptive forces of capitalism.


What’s the formula? Love


First of all even though I preach love, light, compassion and nurturance you’ve got to know that I am human. I’m espousing about the mastery of the potential human condition that I myself have am still working on. I get angry. I’m far more likely to jump to angry than to sadness any day of the week and I have a reputation for resolving conflict somewhat aggressively, even in what should be serene moments of bliss. I kid you not. What has that got to do with love? The fact that I am able to love myself in that process. I don’t reject the feelings. I don’t judge anger bad, I don’t  judge aggression as bad and I also know that we all make mistakes. That although at times I can be a dick, it’s because I am not yet able to permanently tap into endless universal love. Yup that’s me. Imperfect. Fuck it’s wild huh? To find the solution is always love. In 2019 I have finally come back to myself and my way of thinking. Where my own personal mantra is “I trust myself”. Yes little old me. I trust me.

Trust isn’t exactly love though? Is it? No not exactly and yet most people would say that in any relationship that you can’t have love with without trust. So they kind of go hand in glove. The connection of love and trust  is far harder to put a finger on when we think about love and trust when it come to our own interpersonal relationship with ourselves. Through my own journey I am becoming increasingly aware that self-trust is the key to any kind of love. That we have to trust ourselves, our preferences, our feedback, our story in order to experience love. That if it feels right it is right. That something feeling right is only a hop skip and a jump into personal happiness. Happiness is only a 1/2 a centimeter from love. Any kind of love, love of a person, love of a situation, a place or even a thing. If we can create love by trusting ourselves, we can change our world.

Sooooo I trust myself.

This year after many years of trying to figure out how to be a coach I’ve made the decision to go donation based. Sounds crazy right? or does it really? I trained as a Life Coach as I wanted to find great tools in order to be able to assist the people that I talk to on a daily basis. I knew that if I  was able access conversational tools that allowed people to truly feed into their own potential, that there was totally new way of accessing how each of us engaged with the world. For a very long time I have always known that each of us has the ability to create positive change in the world. For some of us it’s a lot easier than others. There are a whole plethora of situations, family experiences and personal circumstances that can seriously impede our ability to thrive as adults in what can be a cruel world. Combine a few short term problems with that physical or mental health concerns and it can create a maelstrom of events that have the ability to rip lives apart. All to often the people who need the most help are totally unable to access any positive support systems. Where a small intervention for a little bit might constructively allow someone to simply make a few better choices.

This anomaly has been something that I have witnessed and experienced over and over again. That entirely capable people end up living hand to mouth as they do daily battle with painful negative self-talk and limiting beliefs. All fueled by spiraling anxiety based on a perspective of lack and scarcity. For people on the outside it can be mind boggling and frustrating to witness what they consider an intelligent person making the same mistakes over an over. So that’s what I’m doing putting and end to this bullshit for free. I’m here to help. All you have to do is turn up.