Process, Uncategorized

Self Healing

I went outside this week. Self Healing is about the journey inwards.

Are we still on hashtags? Didn’t we kind of do this one before…? Yes, kind of it was all about me and my journey. This time around it’s all about you… Self-Fucking healing. It’s a trip. If you’ve figured out your triggers at this point you are already well on the road to somewhere better. What makes you angry? What makes you furious? What makes you explosive (if you are there you have got to wait for the next post, that’s all about #traumahealing) We all carry hurts, we all are hurt and we have all hurt somebody intentionally or not. Every so often I wonder who might be in therapy about me. Then I think yikes. Wow, I’ve really fucked up some people. Ex’s being some of them. I suspect that I might be a recovering narcissist and that’s well pretty difficult to get round. When I was a teenager I was pretty selfish, worse than that I was mean. Yet I was struggling, being a teenager is hard. Like super hard and if you asked most adults if they would go back to being that age again they would run for the hills.

Self-healing is hard it’s all about acknowledging that there is personal work to do. That your outer world reflects your inner world and that there are spaces in and of yourself where you have to dig deep to align. Wellness has become the new boom business where it’s no longer about aerobics and yoga it’s about the inner work. That mystical place that you’ve never been to called you. Of course, diet, sleep, exercise and water consumption all have their roles to play and you can find a coach for just about anything these days. Yet at the same time, love & light seems to do a great job of just sweeping a lot of deeply traumatic stuff under the carpet. I can tell you right now that it is traumatic to be alive in the 21st century, even though everything is getting better. There has never been a better time to be alive. Living standards and life expectancy are on the up. Yet at the same time, we are in the midst of a climate emergency (I wrote this before Covid 19). What I firmly believe is that self-healing is at the very core of planetary healing. That if we even have a chance of turning things around we need to look to our own behaviours and attitudes to see what we can improve personally. Stop the trauma transference that is what I say.  Of course, we can get onto zero waste living and even right into to militant veganism but seriously if you’re doing those things filled in with resentment and even rage where are you going with that? The polarity of approaches to climate change is a reflection of the human emotional landscape as much as anything. The wanton destruction of our rainforests has got everything to do with the psychopathic disconnection experiences by our planetary oligarchs as it has got to do with governmental policy. Heal the human and let the love grow.

Please sign up to my website if you want to learn more about The Free Buffett a course I’m developing.



Emulating The Rainbow Nation

IMG-2450I fucking swear this post is hard to write. When this external landscape becomes an emotional environment. Maybe because I’m about to break through the eco-warrior sound barrier like a fucking boss (who doesn’t actually want any power). For fuck sake, how is exactly you go about proclaiming your non-whiteness when you are in fact white? Whatever the fuck that might that look like? Having thought about that for a bit……The horrific truth of that, is, being Scottish who was surrounded by people growing up that wanted to be tanned. It looks a lot like Trump. That’s given me a chuckle.

Sitting here in the Rainbow Nation that I’m actually trying to figure out if your skin colour should preclude you from contributing to conversations regarding equality? It’s a discussion that has nothing to do with my South African experience of course. It is one that has been presented to me online. Where my main theme over the last few days has been that words matter. Everyone is valuable. Which is deeply embedded in my own personal work.

I’d also really appreciate it if someone could just send me all the quotes about the overriding power of love to be found in The Bible, The Quaran, The Tora or any other religious or spiritual text. So that I no longer have to scramble for the words that unite us.

Social Media algorithms shelter me from the far right, a lot of Muslims and probably even more Christians, as well as a lot of people of colour. Controversially, I choose my friends because I like them, share interests with them, and enjoy their online content. Yup being alive is awkward uncomfortable and at times painful. Should politically correctness dictate how  I live my private life? Should I curate my social group on the basis of being representative. I invited you to the Braii because I really needed someone of your ethnicity to make up the group. Braaing in and of itself is a controversial act with regard to our collective futures, should you want to bring food politics to the party.  I’m personally having a hard time navigating it all. Internally and externally I am doing my best to figure it out. Step in Marie Forleo where everything is figureoutable.

I lose my cool and if I was feeling safer maybe I’d share some of my worst moments and why, or even the very long journey to the conclusion that only love is the answer. I struggle with that too. I struggle with Englishness, the class divide, inequality, The Union Jack, The Union Jack as my flag, austerity, (I’ve managed to get over the Tories and Margaret Thatcher, except when someone is totally ignorant to their motives, that’s something to add) ignorance, my whiteness, bloodline trauma, other people’s trauma, my own divisiveness, my own outbursts. While waiting for Brexit outcomes. All this when I’m doing all the work I can to be tolerant, inclusive, sensitive, aware, responsive (I’m not necessarily a believer in the idea of calm). All emotions are valid, everything can be rationalised.  The deeper truths live in the ever-increasing work of getting to understand ourselves better. Loving ourselves better. Getting deep down in the awkwardness of our own being. You are the cause of your own discomfort. The occasional emotional health novice that thought hurting/killing you would help them feel slightly less terrified. If that doesn’t do it there is always a Cyclone to put things into perspective. Acts of God, Climate Change and all that. If you believe in them.

Process, Uncategorized


IMG-7997I’ve spent the last few years really exploring what it is that as humans we have to do to in order to heal ourselves and embrace our soul journey, while still actively engaging with Earth the Human paradise the perfect place to grow.

It occurs to me that often in this life journey and particularly in the west that the route for many people and the way to spiritual growth is through travel. Travelling is a term that gets banded about without much thought to its actual meaning or even its implications in the most general of terms. The idea of travelling now to me also highlights how disconnected we have become from the idea of dharma and the experience of the human bodily experience. It also draws attention to the concept of bought experience, as our expanding idea of culture and how this is at odds with almost everything that we know about spirituality. This for me brings back into focus the idea of pilgrimage.

For a long time the idea of traveling in and of itself has perturbed me. I write this as someone who has lived in several different countries and find myself in my current incarnation living in Cape Town, South Africa very far from the country of my birth. At some time in the noughties two things happened; the travel bug lost its luster and it became quite clear that carbon fuels were destroying the planet, with any one plane journey rapidly burning through a full year’s allowance. It was obvious that if you were a conscientious world citizen plane travel was a big no no. In the meantime the Guardian still flouted climate change disaster headlines across its front cover, while still published the most exotic far flung and obscure destinations in its extensive travel segment.

Now for me when I think about travel and more specifically about journey’s I realise that most people aren’t interested in travelling. The want to be transported. We no longer want to be in our bodies and travail the earth. We want to be delivered to other worldly places in order to discover ourselves.

It’s the ultimate capitalistic pay off, many spend months working in bars, years even scraping together the cost for the trip of a life time. When all they really have to do is step on to the road outside their front door and make a decision. Often people go places and they have no idea why they are going there. Everybody else is doing it so why can’t we. In the current age the need for travel seems to be a quest for cheap beer. Escapism from escapism.

Yet we espouse stillness and mindfulness as a cure all for almost every spiritual ailment. In fact we fly thousands of miles to find stillness. When all the answers are here. Right within us.