feelings

The Ride of Your Life

IMG-0031Is it really all snakes and ladders? Is it a roller coaster ride? Or is it the hamster wheel of hell? I suppose that all depends on where you are on your journey. It also depends on what are the best choices for you. We all have patterns and any one of us has the right to make there own decisions. Anyone of us has the right to decide what is the best feeling for you. What I can tell you based entirely on my own experience is that we create our own reality. That your current reality might seem like the best choice that you can make at any given time. I absolutely believe you. At any given time you have the access to the best decision possible for you. The thing is that you are perfect just as you are. That the place where you are is exactly where you need to be right now. You can also choose to go somewhere else. Of course this might not be the case if you are experiencing some form of modern slavery. Yes that’s a real thing. Do you feel better now?

You see we can all allow ourselves to be drop kicked into next week. Any girl with PMT (and her unsuspecting partner) can tell you that our physiology, never mind environment or human connections have the ability to fuck you over. Throw you off the playful merry-go-round that we thought we were in charge of spinning for ourselves and leave us bruised, broken and temporarily scarred for a few weeks. If this happens to you then of course we will feel the searing pain of being thrown to the floor, literally hitting rock bottom. Then we can stay there and allow ourselves to bleed to death while picking at scabs at on our elbows. Crying for everyone else around us to help us. Then wonder why they don’t or in fact why they shout at us to get up, causing us even more distress. The thing is that we have the solution, other people can see it and we can’t. That’s fucking scary, I know. That we might not be able to see the obvious. Even more terrifying is that we might not able to feel the obvious. I don’t want to get up. I don’t want to feel better. Fuck you for not helping me. Can you see the challenge. Few people want to have to tolerate another person’s pain. You know why? It’s painful. The truth is is all anybody really wants is love. All anybody really needs to heal is love and you can access that at anytime. All you have to do is think of something nice. Maybe it’s sunshine or rainbows or your favourite Death Metal Punk Band. Yes life experiences and your reaction to them (which you can’t necessarily control) can kick the shit out of you but if you can find something to reach for that makes you feel better. You are going to find it easier and easier to feel good.

Conscious Intake

IMG-9895Well this is a funny one and it seems to follow on almost directly from my last post…..Conscious Consumption. Some times I feel like I don’t break things down well or enough. My blogging process is simply a matter of what I want to write about today. Then I find that what I have to write about can be broken down into so many other tiny pieces, and each of these deserves it’s own platform. That is what has happened here with Conscious Intake. Maybe you think I’m talking about Conscious Eating or maybe some kind of school screening programme. I’m literally writing about intake what it is that we intake into out bodies. So why not say eating? Well cause that is not exactly what I mean. So now I have to go on to explain it a bit more. What I say might be controversial and so maybe by writing this I might let you off the hook.

I smoke. Though I do not define myself as a smoker….Usually I smoke when I’m really angry and it’s actually the best way I know to calm down. (I’ve been going through a bit of a rough time at the moment, did I tell you that) Anyways after I’ve EFT’d the fuck out of myself or considered breaking something, screamed into a pillow or maybe just whacked a the couch with it. Well if all that hasn’t worked I smoke half a cigarette and then almost immediately brush my teeth and wash my hands…..oh yes that is me. The good news is that you know what it’s not a big deal. Because in that moment it’s the best possible chance I have of feeling better. That will prevent me from ruminating over an idea, situation or thought for hours. I have a cigarette change my state and then let it go. Sometimes I even smoke socially and I really enjoy it. How you feel is the key to wellness.

The reason that I write this is because there are endless lists of shoulds and should nots. Healthy and unhealthy. Only you know what is right for you. About 6 months ago I went to see a nutritionist because I was suffering from really bad indigestion and it turns out I am one of those weird people who is actually more naturally alkaline. Which means I have to make my body more acid to be able to digest my food well rather than the other ways round. Who would have thunk it? Drinking coffee, wine and even eating sugar (all in moderation) are actually good for me. As result of including these things in my diet my digestion and general well being has improved dramatically. Of course we do have to make the effort to find out what works for you.

Yes for the most part I do my best to get good quality locally sourced produce. I even collect mountain spring water regularly and use that as my standard drinking water. What I’m saying is if once a month I eat a chocolate bar on something equally suspicious; a can of coke to go with my burger and fries. Then consider yourself blessed that you can afford it, make sure you enjoy and be grateful for the experience. Creating contrast can make that experience all the more special too. Variety is the spice of life.

Human = Emotional Creature

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It’s a simple thing really isn’t it. Feelings. They are what your feel, from stubbing your big toe to having your first kiss there is a whole host of sensations and emotions that accompany us throughout our lives; that largely dictate if life is going to be an enriching experience for us.

Feelings make up so much of who we are, imagine Marvin the Depressed Robot if he wasn’t depressed, or any number of the Mr Men and Little Miss book’s characters. If we didn’t feel and thus express ourselves in certain ways we wouldn’t be quite who we are, or in some cases even recognisable. Identifying our feelings truthfully can be much harder than we think. As children we are barely given a compass to navigate the simplest of emotions of happy and sad, little less embrace their own vulnerabilities.  We wonder why toddlers are frustrated. They don’t have the understanding or the words to express their inner feelings.

There are so many feelings from ecstasy to agony yet we rarely pinpoint them when they occur. If we did we might find out a lot more about out ourselves. In fact admitting to our emotions can be some of our most courageous inner work. I mean let’s just look at the German word of schadenfreude it’s with a wry sense of discomfort that most of us can admit to taking delight in another misfortune. Yet it’s an emotion many of us have felt without openly admitting to.

Often we feel things that seem extreme, unconnected, reactionary, delayed even inappropriate and we wonder why? Our lives can be dominated by powerful emotions many of us are fuelled by rage, even righteousness or driven by love and compassion. We can even have shame based reactions to our emotions believing we should be stronger, unaffected, that vulnerability is a crime and weakness is some kind of societal disease.

When we unpack our emotions we can soon begin to see that black and white situations become grey and our feelings are far more complex and graduated than we might ever have thought. Slowly we can see that our internal dialogues and inner landscapes are skewed by the stories that we tell ourselves based on feelings we are attached to and belief systems that we have undertaken. If we follow our feelings we have the ability to find deep meaningful answers to some of our most pressing musings.

As adults we can wildly spring from hurt to angry and forget all about betrayed, disappointed and sad. What if we said “I’m sad you betrayed me?” What if we knew where the hurt came from? And rather than say “You hurt me” “I am disappointed because I expected you to keep your word?”

Observing our feelings can provide our greatest insights into ourselves. If we look deeper rage can give way to resentment, resentment can give way to resistance, then eventually resistance yields. When we acknowledge our feelings we can allow them to change themselves.

 

Seeking Souls

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So last week #Metoo erupted and I got deeply emerged in the fall out. I wrote the previous article to offer some kind of support and took myself way off my own blogging track.  I am now back here in search of my own dharma. I’m pleased to find that I had already outlined the beginnings of the post below and I hope that anybody I have picked up from the #Metoo movement might find the following post useful……

Congratulations you’ve made it this far. I don’t know what has brought you here to this webpage or blog post and wonder what made it so clickable for you. Something must have jumped out, that you’ve been looking for. Maybe you’re looking for a birth partner. Maybe you’re looking for a life partner? Or maybe you’re just curious? What I can tell you, it has taken me a long time to for me to find exactly the right world that might describe how best a Life Doula might serve you or indeed what a Life Doula is. Which might explain why this is blog post number 4.

I can be your ally: The Life Doula is A Cheerleader for Humans.

A Life Doula is an emotionally supportive and practical assistant that will offer comfort and create actionable solutions for those in need. This work can be delivered through talks, workshops, group sessions, meet-up, retreats, writing, social media interaction and private sessions.

“We have finite resources on a finite planet” The human world is in crisis and the only way to address the challenge that we face as a species is to heal humans so that we are able to live meaningful lives, have happy homes, functional families, caring and connected communities, integrated settlements and harmony on the planet.

If you like the sound of what a Life Doula has to offer you belong to an integrative shift in the human species to thrive here on planet earth.

As a Life Doula I love humans that want to heal emotional wounds, improve their quality of life and create positive support systems for themselves.

My focus is on creating emotional comfort and intends to assure, affirm and activate.  My job is to allow you rest and nourishment, feed your soul and lift your spirits, give you what I can spare and some tools for the road. Then let you go on your merry way knowing, that you can always return to me should it serve you. That’s the idea and the hope. That you find a connection.

My approach is sincere, gentle and relaxed and starts with a conversation so that we can first understand how we relate to one another. The conversation is built around coaching principles and runs at a natural pace that should support you to feel comfortable. If you decide that you trust me, from there, where appropriate, we can move into process work that can help shift and change many inner dialogues and/or beliefs. This is permission based work and will only be undertaken should you give consent. Longer sessions allow for you to gain significant insight into the core of a dilemma and find a truth that works for you. If you so choose I can provide you with additional support that can come in multiple forms from daily messages to micro sessions on the move or something as simple as a hug.

As you spend time with me you will begin to experience time differently. My time is fluid and is punctuated by natural breaks that work in rhythm with natural cycles.

You may wonder what exactly differentiates the work or a Life Doula with that of a coach or even councillor? I suppose ultimately it’s a practice based in the human emotion: love. As humans we have become so disconnected from ourselves and our environs, that love at the center of care (except in a family environment) has become alien. A good listening ear, a warm beverage and a cosy blanket are as much as anyone might need to feel better.

I don’t believe that it is appropriate that someone in deep emotional pain should have to undergo the cold clinical intervention of science or be coached into a “place at the top”. It’s so divisive. In a world where humans are treated as dysfunctional machines rated on their financial productivity rather that their human contribution #Metoo being a very clear indication of the degradation of the human soul; that can’t recognise or respect the sacred  nature of a woman. The divine feminine that has the selfless desire to nurture.

As humans we are emotional creatures it’s time to embrace this fact and live life with our feelings at our center.