Uncategorized

JOMO: Joy of Missing Out

IMG-3804It’s another morning in beautiful Cape Town and I’m once again getting my priorities straight.¬† Do I write the blog first, go for coffee or muse a bit more o what my thought process is for the day? The kettle has just boiled and I’ve managed to slurp some water before what has become my daily caffeine intake. It’s winter here and yet it’s hard to believe that from my Scottish self’s projection. Sunshine pours in the window and the chairs that I painted with gloss yesterday are drying on the balcony. In fact, they are still dry no misty morning dew dripping off of them. It’s been a productive weekend and I’m glad to have the extra public holiday of Youth Day to get even more of my personal inventory done. I feel like I want to push a bit more on the business side of things and then I remember that no one is expecting me to be working, and no one is going to be inconvenienced by not receiving an email or an invoice today. Then I think how nice it will be to have the chairs finished and complete the small dreams that make up a life. That getting too small things done opens up the space for new adventures, even if they’re just in my mind.

The coffee is here and it occurs to me suddenly it must be a public holiday as I have already received a flurry of messages from friends. Which is not normal for a Monday. One to tell me that they are having an especially fun time walking along the Seapoint promenade with the dog they are looking after. The other to remind me that there is a holistic fayre going on in my hood (That I probably should have booked stall at). Some just to say howzit, it seems to be a reminder, that all the spare days that we have are an extra opportunity to connect with the ones that we love.

Personally, I feel still and it reminds me that these days I’m far more into the idea of JOMO than FOMO and what an incredible inner journey I’ve been on. That the peace and stillness of my own home are a sanctuary to me. That writing alone in my bedroom is as much as I need to feel satisfied with life and a day alone is a luxury that few get to delve into the way I often do. Sometimes I wonder if I should be out there doing more and then I remember that each place is powerful if we really take time to breathe in the air and witness the magic that surrounds us. There used to be times in my life when I would wonder what it might be like to live in an apartment in Paris, or taking a commute across London, or sitting on the beach in Rio and even hiking some trail in New Zealand? Then no matter where you are there you are. Witnessing your own magic. Your own unique imprint on the world. In this moment, this space, this time and you know how utterly perfect it all is.

Process, Uncategorized

Expand Your Circle

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Beyond drinking enough water and getting enough sleep. If there was one thing that I would recommend for a good life it is friends. Now first of all this might seem obvious. Second of all it wasn’t to me. I have spent much of my life chasing good friendships. If you really want to get to grips with what is going on for you in your life, friendships will act as a mirror to your challenges as much as any romantic relationship that you might have.

The impact that your close knit support can have on you can be profound, to the point that they may very well deny your basic needs, from a glass of water to unbroken sleep. It’s true and many of us humans are in deep denial about the impact that dysfunctional relationships can have on our basic survival even as adults. If you are indeed in a situation where none of your basic needs are met, where you don’t feel supported, then as challenging as it might be it’s time to leave.

Everyone is deserving of support. Everyone is entitled to a glass of water, a safe place to sleep and to feel connected and held by the people who surround them. Often time depending on how we have been raised we can believe that just because people are there that and that they have not chosen to abandon us that they are our friends. This is not always true. Often people try to hold on to us in there lives in order to feel powerful. They get power out of demeaning us, undermining our own thought and ideas, or belittling and berating what brings us joy or purpose. You may suspect that people don’t want what is best for you. As you feel that they corrode your self-worth.

You are in control of how you feel about yourself. You are always able to love yourself and as you take steps towards self-nurturance you will soon understand that although it is nice to have people in your life. You can choose who those people are and how you want to feel. The next time that you are in someones company, what I would encourage you to do is to become aware of how you feel. If someone makes you feel special then that is the person you want to be round, if someone makes you feel a little knarly round the edges, maybe it’s time to examine what’s going on there.

Like relationships, no friendship is perfect. You are in a friendship to give too. We have to accept another persons humaness and do our best to not make our humaness another persons burden.

If you genuinely have no friends, feel isolated, and have no support network it’s time to get out there and find your tribe. They exist and they are just as flawsome as you. The only way that you are really going to find the friends that your deserve is by being¬† yourself. Only then can you attract people that are the right sort of weird to your irresistible flame. What you might also like to do, is to make sure, that you are clear about what kind of friend that you want to be. Do I call people back? Do I keep in touch when someone who is having a tough time? Do I remember peoples birthdays? Be the friend that you want to be and a beautiful human is sure to turn up with the right kind of food for you.