Tag: Happiness

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Enrichment

kimberleen

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Way back in the day all the beautiful stones in the world were apparently magically discovered only in river beds and were there waiting to be plucked out for us to enjoy. Now most of our gem stones come from deep underground and are laboriously mined and forced to the surface. I’m not saying one method is better than the other. Both methods involved some kind of work; getting wet and the other one digging deep.

As you’re lying, gasping for air, exhausted with your life, you are probably wondering what I’m asking of you? And if you have the capacity to continue. Well it’s a cop out. Only you know that. What I can say is that if you are very close to drowning or in the darkest of places there is treasure where you are. Next, you think I’m going to say “time heals everything”. No not really, however distance does. Why else would we end up on these strange cumbersome adventures. The thing is living in despair, which is a lot different to depression (though I doubt you’re going to find a super chipper desperado). It’s like going into an underground pub only to come out and be blinded by the light. To be desperate is to have teetered on the edge of hopelessness. If you’re lying on your back floating in the abyss right now wondering why you haven’t drowned, that the sharks haven’t eaten you, yet, and more than a little fucked off that they haven’t. Then I am probably the right guru for you (please bear in mind I don’t actually profess to know anything). I’m not talking about things going wrong for a day or a week or a year I’m about things going wrong for decades. Fucking decades and well if you have been there and every day is a struggle, a god damn war. Life is pointless it has no meaning.

That’s from your perspective. Perspective is the only thing that you have to change and given that you’ve probably physically experienced going round corners there’s a good chance that changing perspective is possible for you.

That sounds fucking patronising; that if you can walk round corners you can change your life? And well maybe it is. Seriously though maybe you are standing too close to the wall that you want to push through. There are many ways to overcome obstacles and if you want to break down a wall you have to be aware of the things that you might need. Just like breaking down a door you might want to take a step back in order to gain velocity and create force. Alternatively, you might want to build up speed to climb it. Or maybe with enough overview you might see a door out or a window through or even the edge or something.

We are all going to die anyway? Yes we are? And yes in this age we as humans seem to engage with existential crisis with a certain amount of vigour it’s entirely possible to wonder at the point of it all?

Embracing your insignificance is a bountiful step on the path back to the road that you are suppose to be on. What the actual fuck!? Just think about it a bit more. We are all invisible anyway why not use your super power for good.

So keep floating in the abyss. Don’t accidentally wake up dead and I’ll see you in the next installment.

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Human = Emotional Creature

kimberleen

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It’s a simple thing really isn’t it. Feelings. They are what your feel, from stubbing your big toe to having your first kiss there is a whole host of sensations and emotions that accompany us throughout our lives; that largely dictate if life is going to be an enriching experience for us.

Feelings make up so much of who we are, imagine Marvin the Depressed Robot if he wasn’t depressed, or any number of the Mr Men and Little Miss book’s characters. If we didn’t feel and thus express ourselves in certain ways we wouldn’t be quite who we are, or in some cases even recognisable. Identifying our feelings truthfully can be much harder than we think. As children we are barely given a compass to navigate the simplest of emotions of happy and sad, little less embrace their own vulnerabilities.  We wonder why toddlers are frustrated. They don’t have the understanding or the words to express their inner feelings.

There are so many feelings from ecstasy to agony yet we rarely pinpoint them when they occur. If we did we might find out a lot more about out ourselves. In fact admitting to our emotions can be some of our most courageous inner work. I mean let’s just look at the German word of schadenfreude it’s with a wry sense of discomfort that most of us can admit to taking delight in another misfortune. Yet it’s an emotion many of us have felt without openly admitting to.

Often we feel things that seem extreme, unconnected, reactionary, delayed even inappropriate and we wonder why? Our lives can be dominated by powerful emotions many of us are fuelled by rage, even righteousness or driven by love and compassion. We can even have shame based reactions to our emotions believing we should be stronger, unaffected, that vulnerability is a crime and weakness is some kind of societal disease.

When we unpack our emotions we can soon begin to see that black and white situations become grey and our feelings are far more complex and graduated than we might ever have thought. Slowly we can see that our internal dialogues and inner landscapes are skewed by the stories that we tell ourselves based on feelings we are attached to and belief systems that we have undertaken. If we follow our feelings we have the ability to find deep meaningful answers to some of our most pressing musings.

As adults we can wildly spring from hurt to angry and forget all about betrayed, disappointed and sad. What if we said “I’m sad you betrayed me?” What if we knew where the hurt came from? And rather than say “You hurt me” “I am disappointed because I expected you to keep your word?”

Observing our feelings can provide our greatest insights into ourselves. If we look deeper rage can give way to resentment, resentment can give way to resistance, then eventually resistance yields. When we acknowledge our feelings we can allow them to change themselves.

 

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Seeking Souls

kimberleen

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So last week #Metoo erupted and I got deeply emerged in the fall out. I wrote the previous article to offer some kind of support and took myself way off my own blogging track.  I am now back here in search of my own dharma. I’m pleased to find that I had already outlined the beginnings of the post below and I hope that anybody I have picked up from the #Metoo movement might find the following post useful……

Congratulations you’ve made it this far. I don’t know what has brought you here to this webpage or blog post and wonder what made it so clickable for you. Something must have jumped out, that you’ve been looking for. Maybe you’re looking for a birth partner. Maybe you’re looking for a life partner? Or maybe you’re just curious? What I can tell you, it has taken me a long time to for me to find exactly the right word that might describe how best a Life Doula might serve you or indeed what a Life Doula is. Which might explain why this is blog post number 4.

I can be your ally: The Life Doula is A Cheerleader for Humans.

A Life Doula is an emotionally supportive and practical assistant that will offer comfort and create actionable solutions for those in need. This work can be delivered through talks, workshops, group sessions, meet-up, retreats, writing, social media interaction and private sessions.

“We have finite resources on a finite planet” The human world is in crisis and the only way to address the challenge that we face as a species is to heal humans so that we are able to live meaningful lives, have happy homes, functional families, caring and connected communities, integrated settlements and harmony on the planet.

If you like the sound of what a Life Doula has to offer you belong to an integrative shift in the human species to thrive here on planet earth.

As a Life Doula I love humans that want to heal emotional wounds, improve their quality of life and create positive support systems for themselves.

My focus is on creating emotional comfort and intends to assure, affirm and activate.  My job is to allow you rest and nourishment, feed your soul and lift your spirits, give you what I can spare and some tools for the road. Then let you go on your merry way knowing, that you can always return to me should it serve you. That’s the idea and the hope. That you find a connection.

My approach is sincere, gentle and relaxed and starts with a conversation so that we can first understand how we relate to one another. The conversation is built around coaching principles and runs at a natural pace that should support you to feel comfortable. If you decide that you trust me, from there, where appropriate, we can move into process work that can help shift and change many inner dialogues and/or beliefs. This is permission based work and will only be undertaken should you give consent. Longer sessions allow for you to gain significant insight into the core of a dilemma and find a truth that works for you. If you so choose I can provide you with additional support that can come in multiple forms from daily messages to micro sessions on the move or something as simple as a hug.

As you spend time with me you will begin to experience time differently. My time is fluid and is punctuated by natural breaks that work in rhythm with natural cycles.

You may wonder what exactly differentiates the work or a Life Doula with that of a coach or even councillor? I suppose ultimately it’s a practice based in the human emotion: love. As humans we have become so disconnected from ourselves and our environs, that love at the center of care (except in a family environment) has become alien. A good listening ear, a warm beverage and a cosy blanket are as much as anyone might need to feel better.

I don’t believe that it is appropriate that someone in deep emotional pain should have to undergo the cold clinical intervention of science or be coached into a “place at the top”. It’s so divisive. In a world where humans are treated as dysfunctional machines rated on their financial productivity rather that their human contribution #Metoo being a very clear indication of the degradation of the human soul; that can’t recognise or respect the sacred  nature of a woman. The divine feminine that has the selfless desire to nurture.

As humans we are emotional creatures it’s time to embrace this fact and live life with our feelings at our center.

 

 

 

 

 

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The Hidden Work Of Happiness

kimberleen

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So what you have to know when I talk about process, is it’s about the hidden work. It’s like knowing that almost everybody in the office or at an event did a basic fifteen-minute makeover before heading out the house, so that they looked fabulous. From checking themselves out in the mirror, to straightening out their clothes or putting a comb through their hair. Yet many of us just think that other people look naturally great. It’s very representative of life. Maybe they do look naturally great? However even the most beautiful person could be overlooked if they’ve got mud on their face. That’s how strong our mind filters things too. There are plenty of things that many of us can’t see beyond. We only notice many opportunities or even people if they are served up clean, polished and on a golden platter.

Somebody’s website doesn’t just look amazing. People don’t just become amazing, they had to secretly work on it, not that they were trying to deceive anybody just that they put in a certain volume of time to get to where they are. The thing that you will slowly figure out is that the things that you ‘secretly’ squirrel away your time on, are the things that you should be doing, and are in fact the things that bring you joy. You may not be standing proudly next to a bona fide master piece just yet. “Rome wasn’t built in a day” and “From small acorns mighty oaks grow”, what you work on is what you get. Imagine all the bursting potential of an acorn? How could it possibly know what to do? Or that one day it might become a magnificent centuries old giant oak tree.

Take me for example. When I was a kid I wanted to be the gypsy in the Cadbury’s Flake advert and my personal theme tune probably still is The Littlest Hobo . You can imagine my confusion with the western schooling system. As a teenager I dreamed of festival hopping and long walks in the wilderness. Yet everybody I knew had other plans for themselves or even me. I was very very confused. One of the happiest times in my life was when I lived on my own boat and realised I could take my home with me. Now I live in a one and half bedroom cottage as a thirty-six-year-old woman. I have no income and currently no ‘job’. Is it where I thought I might be at this point in my life? No. Is waking up in Cape Town every morning a fabulous surprise? Yes. My life is messy, invigorating and incredibly rewarding. It turned out to be far more exciting and adventurous than my fourteen-year-old self ever could have dreamed. Yet it took me years of second guessing myself to accept and embrace my free spirited qualities that made me the mischievous gypsy child I’ve always known I am.

I didn’t choose to have a burgeoning property profile, a spotless curriculum-vitae, or even children. I chose to be happy, being happy was more important than anything else. That doesn’t mean that living without material success isn’t a challenge to the psyche. And Yes, I have minor anxieties about money or the big picture progression of my life, yet every day I am happy. I wake up joyful, laughing with play in my heart. Yet in western society happiness alone is totally undervalued. Supposedly you need material success before you can be happy. All I had to do was change my mind and choose happiness first. The great thing is you can too.