Tag: Life Coaching

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Back With A Bang

kimberleen

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Social Media and tech in general would have us believe that we can have perfectly curated lives. Only showing what we want the world to see. Only allowing us to share what we want. Then sometimes not sharing is as telling as sharing everything.

However to have things curated in our lives to the point that our human lives become a seamless production takes a volume of extraordinary planning. Guess what though? Life happens. And as my mother often says “It never rains but it pours”. Here deep down at the tip of Africa that is the blessing that we are waiting for. I’ve been standing looking at the skies waiting for the rain to come not thinking about what to do with the rain when it gets here. So please excuse me while a run off and get some buckets.

 

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The Path Ahead

kimberleen

IMG-7315Another earth year is rapidly coming to an end again, at least in the western world. Where we begin and end seems for us adults to have already melded into a blur or birthday parties and end of year functions where we are all supposed to get long. Life is supposed to be taking us on one linear up cycle, the one that was predicted for us when we attended school.

We already know that life isn’t like that and as we sit considering the last earth year we might consider; what exactly is going on in our lives? and what next year holds for us? The end of year can be an important time to plan for the year ahead or change track completely. Many of us are so deeply caught in the cycle of production and consumption that we are barely able to give our emotional or if we are really getting advanced spiritual needs a thought. We believe that with more money that we will have the ability to buy the things we want to create our own happiness. Whether it be objects or experiences that we wish to purchase the idea of our happiness can often seem to be balanced in our banking account rather than our own deeper truth.

You can’t purchase your own truth you have to get deep down and jiggy with it in the wee small hours, doing the inner work. Now, (as it is always) is a great time to consider the path ahead. Life is simply made of up of choices and circumstances. We have absolute power to change what takes priority in our lives. There are also a multitude of things that we can choose to prioritise, whether it be health, family, friends, spiritual growth, work or finances.

Although we may not need to change everything in one day we do need to have a road map of how to get from where we are to where we want to be. Like any adventure, you may start out with no idea of where you going on what you might want to do. Getting started is as bold a decision as any, and you must congratulate yourself for it. We may not need to make a physical journey to find out what is important to us. It is important that we follow our joy. To long have we put off happiness in the hope that money can buy it for us. It’s time for us to consider what will make us truly happy and move towards what can take us there. There may be things that we need to find out along the way to know what is important to us. It’s time to evaluate. It’s time to take stock and think about what is truly serving us. It may be our work, it maybe the people in our lives, it may even be where we live or the basic rhythm of our daily lives. Maybe you get up to early or too late and you wonder where the secrets to an actual better day lies. What do you want? What do you like? These may have been questions you have never asked yourself. They may have been things that you have been denied your whole life. It’s time to ask those questions now. It’s time to write a bucket list and wonder what are you waiting for? Not only that who you want to share the experience with? Maybe there is nobody, maybe there is somebody, are you waiting for that someone to arrive?

There are a lot of questions to ask and a lot of answers to find as you begin to unpick what the next year holds. It’s time to design the life you want in the hope of appreciating what you have.

 

 

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Growth

kimberleen

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Too easily we talk about change, building new lives or making drastic choices in order to move swiftly into the next stages of tomorrow. That all of a sudden everything will be different, that the slate is wiped clean and we can start again without a shadow in our minds or a cloud in a clear blue sky. That’s not reality and that is quite simply not how life here on earth has been designed.  To make radical change and to cut off what we were doesn’t make sense, especially when we look at an old tree or our elders, we see that those that we most respect embrace the age and status, the scars of life and are happy to tell their tale without shame or remorse. They have learned to accept who they are and their choices, they embrace the subsequent consequences as part of who they have become. Growth really is a process of integration more than anything else, where we learn to accept the things that cannot change, especially the past, no matter how painful or terrifying.

We have to learn how to embrace it as part of ourselves and then ultimately set boundaries as to how much power the past has to impact on a flourishing future. After all, it’s only our memory of what happens and our wilfulness to breathe life into that memory that gives it any power to persist to remain.

There is also a lot to be said for growth not being possible without a certain amount of decay or destruction. We only have to look at plants themselves in order to understand the order of things. Plants grow naturally in the debris of their own decay. Letting go of what no longer serves them, is the fuel that sustains their growth. It’s quite an incredible thing really when you think on it. Trees only grow in unison of the trees and plants that surround them, all growing together. Letting go and standing together, their roots and branches all intertwined.

The greatest growth happens as part of a symbiosis through friendships, families and communities that support and carry us. The greatest challenge can be to find those who are going to encourage and support you as you follow through your natural progression in life.

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Enrichment

kimberleen

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Way back in the day all the beautiful stones in the world were apparently magically discovered only in river beds and were there waiting to be plucked out for us to enjoy. Now most of our gem stones come from deep underground and are laboriously mined and forced to the surface. I’m not saying one method is better than the other. Both methods involved some kind of work; getting wet and the other one digging deep.

As you’re lying, gasping for air, exhausted with your life, you are probably wondering what I’m asking of you? And if you have the capacity to continue. Well it’s a cop out. Only you know that. What I can say is that if you are very close to drowning or in the darkest of places there is treasure where you are. Next, you think I’m going to say “time heals everything”. No not really, however distance does. Why else would we end up on these strange cumbersome adventures. The thing is living in despair, which is a lot different to depression (though I doubt you’re going to find a super chipper desperado). It’s like going into an underground pub only to come out and be blinded by the light. To be desperate is to have teetered on the edge of hopelessness. If you’re lying on your back floating in the abyss right now wondering why you haven’t drowned, that the sharks haven’t eaten you, yet, and more than a little fucked off that they haven’t. Then I am probably the right guru for you (please bear in mind I don’t actually profess to know anything). I’m not talking about things going wrong for a day or a week or a year I’m about things going wrong for decades. Fucking decades and well if you have been there and every day is a struggle, a god damn war. Life is pointless it has no meaning.

That’s from your perspective. Perspective is the only thing that you have to change and given that you’ve probably physically experienced going round corners there’s a good chance that changing perspective is possible for you.

That sounds fucking patronising; that if you can walk round corners you can change your life? And well maybe it is. Seriously though maybe you are standing too close to the wall that you want to push through. There are many ways to overcome obstacles and if you want to break down a wall you have to be aware of the things that you might need. Just like breaking down a door you might want to take a step back in order to gain velocity and create force. Alternatively, you might want to build up speed to climb it. Or maybe with enough overview you might see a door out or a window through or even the edge or something.

We are all going to die anyway? Yes we are? And yes in this age we as humans seem to engage with existential crisis with a certain amount of vigour it’s entirely possible to wonder at the point of it all?

Embracing your insignificance is a bountiful step on the path back to the road that you are suppose to be on. What the actual fuck!? Just think about it a bit more. We are all invisible anyway why not use your super power for good.

So keep floating in the abyss. Don’t accidentally wake up dead and I’ll see you in the next installment.

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The Hidden Work Of Happiness

kimberleen

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So what you have to know when I talk about process, is it’s about the hidden work. It’s like knowing that almost everybody in the office or at an event did a basic fifteen-minute makeover before heading out the house, so that they looked fabulous. From checking themselves out in the mirror, to straightening out their clothes or putting a comb through their hair. Yet many of us just think that other people look naturally great. It’s very representative of life. Maybe they do look naturally great? However even the most beautiful person could be overlooked if they’ve got mud on their face. That’s how strong our mind filters things too. There are plenty of things that many of us can’t see beyond. We only notice many opportunities or even people if they are served up clean, polished and on a golden platter.

Somebody’s website doesn’t just look amazing. People don’t just become amazing, they had to secretly work on it, not that they were trying to deceive anybody just that they put in a certain volume of time to get to where they are. The thing that you will slowly figure out is that the things that you ‘secretly’ squirrel away your time on, are the things that you should be doing, and are in fact the things that bring you joy. You may not be standing proudly next to a bona fide master piece just yet. “Rome wasn’t built in a day” and “From small acorns mighty oaks grow”, what you work on is what you get. Imagine all the bursting potential of an acorn? How could it possibly know what to do? Or that one day it might become a magnificent centuries old giant oak tree.

Take me for example. When I was a kid I wanted to be the gypsy in the Cadbury’s Flake advert and my personal theme tune probably still is The Littlest Hobo . You can imagine my confusion with the western schooling system. As a teenager I dreamed of festival hopping and long walks in the wilderness. Yet everybody I knew had other plans for themselves or even me. I was very very confused. One of the happiest times in my life was when I lived on my own boat and realised I could take my home with me. Now I live in a one and half bedroom cottage as a thirty-six-year-old woman. I have no income and currently no ‘job’. Is it where I thought I might be at this point in my life? No. Is waking up in Cape Town every morning a fabulous surprise? Yes. My life is messy, invigorating and incredibly rewarding. It turned out to be far more exciting and adventurous than my fourteen-year-old self ever could have dreamed. Yet it took me years of second guessing myself to accept and embrace my free spirited qualities that made me the mischievous gypsy child I’ve always known I am.

I didn’t choose to have a burgeoning property profile, a spotless curriculum-vitae, or even children. I chose to be happy, being happy was more important than anything else. That doesn’t mean that living without material success isn’t a challenge to the psyche. And Yes, I have minor anxieties about money or the big picture progression of my life, yet every day I am happy. I wake up joyful, laughing with play in my heart. Yet in western society happiness alone is totally undervalued. Supposedly you need material success before you can be happy. All I had to do was change my mind and choose happiness first. The great thing is you can too.

 

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Process

kimberleen

‘Process’ is the blog element of this website. I’m an emotional creature and I do my best to adhere to my own compass, which could take me in any direction at any moment. By naming this part of the website ‘Process’ I’m trying to underline a basic principle that should go hand in hand with any endeavour in personal development. It’s early days for all of us. Including me. There is so much to figure out, it can be easy to believe that everyone has got it figured out. For me there are few straight lines and I’m working hard to create a comprehensive approach to my writing and get to the bottom of what all this life stuff is all about…and how to make the best of it.

‘Process’ is also a term that harks back to my artsy days and many an afternoon in an artist’s studio talking about art creation. ‘Process’ in this arena pulls back the layers of the creative production, and artistic exploration to build (or not) physical representation of philosophical or psychological spaces (yes, that’s a thing). So in short I’ve had lots of twisty fucking conversations in my time. True process is rarely straightforward, tangible or completed. Salvador Dali has some great artistic representations of this…just saying.

So if you’re interested in going on an unorthodox ride, stick around and you just might find yourself on a very interesting trajectory.

I want to believe that this blog-esque stream of consciousness will be spurted out in a wave of originality and creative thought that has never before been experienced. However, I have a long held belief that the only thing that makes great thinkers of any note, is that they wrote their thoughts down. If you’ve been lucky enough to be Winston Churchill it’s far easier to write a book if you can dictate from your bath to a typist, while an editor doggedly re-presents you with a highly edited version of your output.

The truth is that as a self-employed business person starting out with little income it can be a bit daunting to line up all your ideas into easily digestible well marketed little bite-sized nuggets to demonstrate your ‘superior knowledge’ to would be clients. Most coaches also seem to be pitching to would be coaches rather than offering genuine solutions to your average joe (not that anyone should be considered in any way average). That could just be my Facebook and Google algorithm though.

More than that there seems to be a bounty of promises on offer that can’t possibly be delivered in any time soon. It’s hard to imagine that psychologists were going around twenty years ago trying to hard sell on mental health when in fact celebrity psychologists just advised viewers to seek professional help. Currently for many seekers it  can be confusing to decipher what kind of professional support they might need to navigate the inner workings of their soul, in order to feel a marked improvement in their emotional wellbeing.

Life Coaching engages with universal personal improvement techniques that can be applied to multiple situations, much like a mathematical formula. That means that anybody who’s willing to, can take those principles into their everyday life.  The real trick is having the insight to see where the techniques can be applied in your own life and taking the time to do it (note to self).

As a qualified ICF coach, I have invested 2 years of my time learning and mastering multiple techniques, collected from a variety of sources; from pop psychology to metaphysics. Mostly anybody who has undergone a course in a healing profession will tell you that the most powerful part of the process has been the volume of work that they have had to do on themselves. I share the same story and I can gladly say that I emerged from my coach training a calmer more balanced person and that I regularly find a deep sense of peace in my daily life, without undertaking any deliberate spiritual path, dogma, ritual or practice. I believe that with some enquiry into your own personal processes you can achieve similar outcomes.

So if you are trying to garner if this blog-esque process, a personal development workshop/course or a private coaching session is for you,  I’ll explain a little further –

This unfolding blog-esque process is a free service. You are literally going to find out lots of shit for free. I deliberately call it shit because anything that I post here has made it to my display case for polished turds (Find out more about polished turds in upcoming posts). In other words it’s taken a lot of work to discover and present these diamond insights. I do hope that as I progress in my own journey that these writings offer some entertainment and that they serve to bolster you as you travel through your own processes.

A workshop or course will give you the time and space to get a better overview of the areas in your life that may require some additional attention. Dependent on the workshop or course offered, there is potential to create lasting insights and big shifts in perspective on our own inner dialogue or specific situations. The workshops and courses are small with no more than 10 people attending.

Private Sessions are individually crafted to address your specific needs and is put together in such a way that you are able to get maximum insight. My aim for every one of my private clients is that they get a quick resolution to any immediate challenge or dilemma that you might be facing and leave every session somewhat inwardly transformed. To get the most out of these sessions it is best to start with clear ideas of specific areas which you might need your attention.

So there it is, a break down of process, what it might mean and how I may be able to support you. As proof of process you can check out my sporadically maintained personal blog here.

We are all art in process.