Process, Uncategorized

I Heal Humans

It’s such weird thing to have to say. I heal humans. As much as I’ve been banging on about the importance of niching my business; the reason it’s been so difficult is how do I decide who is worthy of my attention? If someone is in need how do you go about deciding if there are parameters for whom I care?

There are many ways to heal. Yet I believe that the primary way to do that is story. That you need to tell your story. More than this, that you need to feel your story. You need to witness all the things that we have internalised, ignored and tolerated in order to survive. So many of us know the things that have happened to us and yet so few of us feel worthy of feeling heard.

I often say that we only have to go to therapy to share all the things that we were not allowed to say. In response to telling your story you need to be heard.

So often in life our emotional wounds are not taken seriously. Only physical wounds are recognised as painful and in need of healing. That talking about how we feel is in someway toxic. You see that the thing we’ve been gaslighted into believing that conversation is unnecessary and at worst weak. The truth is that our emotions are toxic to a functional system. That is why they are deemed unnecessary. The thing is that because our relationships are so often caught up  in the idea of trying to be kind or even keeping order, we often aren’t able to speak our minds. If we can’t speak we don’t get the opportunity to make the right next step or even be asked a ‘better’ question. If you were able to feel through your daily life you would act very differently to how you have to ‘operate’? Each choice we make we are giving our power and sovereignty away and corroding the power of others in the process. So many of us are out there pointing fingers, angered by hypocrisy and corruption, completely unaware that we are complicit in an anti-human system.

More than this I feel that traditional psychological practices are very limited in their approach to human healing. They are corrupted by the structure of the system too. They don’t account for trauma and nor do they account for the deepening levels of secure attachment and trust required for someone to truly emotionally heal.

It’s time for that to change. I am a bit unusual in my approach to healing. I’m a story listener.

I truly believe that story is the way into deep healing. That we hold all the things that we think have been stolen, misplaced and even lost to us. It’s only a matter of speaking the words and hearing yourself and reflectively listening to all the wisdom that lives inside us. I like to listen and question and understand you. I want to be able to relate to what you have to say. Finding the deeper meaning in your thoughts, feelings and even ‘truths’. To see where they are truly guiding us and if indeed you want to go where your mind is taking you. That’s all a good conversation is a deeper questioning of self. I like to think of the conversations I offer as headspace. I offer the time you need to get perspective and see things in a new or different way. To help you understand yourself. In my experience all we need is a very good and often long conversation to find our way back there again. The truth is that we are powerful beyond our most wild imaginings.

So that’s it I heal humans though listening, accompanied with a cup of tea.

Process, Uncategorized

The Way We Hear

IMG-9924Clutter can be distracting. Often when we listen to people or engage with people who are experiencing pain we don’t make enough space in our own psyches to hear a person. Not only that when we do hear them we come at them with quick fixes our own solutions or even opinions of what might be the next best move. All of the above is more like providing a brain storming session for someone who literally doesn’t know how they feel, never mind what they want. Here we are supposedly helpful individuals bombarding someone with an idea whether it is welcome or not. This strategy can be very well meaning. However it doesn’t address the challenge at hand and at worse can deny the emotions of the very person you are trying to help. The way we listen to people and even to ourselves can often be very damaging.

Often it can be very hard to understand exactly what someone is saying. We all have such nuanced and complex emotional landscapes we mistake what we might feel for what someone else feels. When in fact they are very different. That two people can go through exactly the same experience, hold different perspective of exactly what happened and extract totally different meanings or interpretations of what it meant for them. There is so much to learn. There is almost no doubt that other humans are our greatest teachers. Yet we still superimpose our own beliefs and ideas on the person in front of us. Doing this undermines our own learning process and ability to grow. Well all have so many stories and experiences. Out lives the family environments that we grow up in are all totally unique and can never be replicated. If we treated each human as an artistic masterpiece, our lives would be so enriched. We would dive into one another with total abandon and we would never seek to “improve”, alter or change any part of the other. We would be engrossed in the process of learning all we can in that very moment. Time is short our moments together are precious.

So if we took the time to view the people in our lives in such ways. How would we change ourselves to accommodate this idea? How would we alter our interactions? The way we hear or understand another human. Would we be able to truly leave judgement at the door and open ourselves up the the power of each moment? Casting away our thoughts, the mental clutter and our predetermined ideas of acceptance. It’s a powerful idea that has delighted me this morning.