Process, Uncategorized

Relational Healing

IMG-8144
In our modern world, the light of the moon and the feeling that we share can be obscured by light pollution, sometimes we need to leave our environment to find out what is truly guiding us.

Isn’t this the reason that we are all fucked up in the first place? Yeah probably. We are going to have to go a few hashtags deep before we seriously move beyond this. And yes relationships fuck you up. Here’s the real fucker if you ask any serious guru or even a friendly yogi they’ll tell you that they may well be the very reason why we exist at all. We are the universe experiencing itself. I am you, you are me and we together mirror each other. If I’m pissing you off it’s actually all about what you have or have not mastered in yourself. Yes, that. I know it’s annoying. No matter how your spin we are all being forcibly sucked into relationships, even if it’s with the slugs in your own personal hermit cave. #justsaying. Not much we can do about it unless your planning for a big exit.

So how do we heal relationships? That depends on the relationship? Yet at the same time, it largely depends on you and the inner dialogue you are touting. We treat people the way that we have been treated. The science is clear. We perpetuate what we don’t heal. Many of us grew up in a family of dysfunction. As adults, it is by no means an excuse to set up camp and live there. We all have choices in this life. We all get to chose how to treat people and more than this we get to chose how we get treated.

I have struggled most of my life, specifically in romantic relationships because it’s really hard to break what has been modelled to us. More then this it’s hard to break the beliefs systems you’ve been born into. What I have learned in the last twelves months is that in the west martyrdom is a paradigm we’ve been idolising for a few millennia now and it’s not working out for us. That we need to be patient, kind, noble. That in no way should we find our Kali-esk offering of the dark side or get deep down and dirty with our inner Darth Vader. What if you want to be the villain. You see these are the polarities that we live with, we are too kind, then we have to claw back out self-respect through some vengeful tactics, that we might even particularly like like Blue Tiffany boxes containing shit. Anyways I think you get what I am saying. This life is a never-ending commitment to stop your inner shit storm spilling out on to the outer realms and into the streets or into other peoples lives. The only way to create relational healing is to heal the way we relate to ourselves and cut out anybody that treats us less than that. They say we can’t heal in the places that broke us. Yet we have to be willing to break to learn something new. You have got to change your approach, change your attitude as see that we are all broken in our own special and unique ways. That we have to add love to the hurt especially when it comes to our own wounds before we go picking at anybody else’s.

Process, Uncategorized

It’s Not You, It’s Me

IMG-8100
Are you feeling upside down and a little prickly?

It actually is all about you. Relational healing is primarily about the relationship that you have with yourself and no matter how good you think it is, it can always get better. It’s at this point I think it’s important to tell you that I just opened a tin of anchovies and started eating them in bed. You see I’m not here to preach with you about how your relationship should or in fact be. Cause if you are doing it for show it is almost certainly time to dig deeper. There is no need to be flashing your green juice and your yoni egg round here unless of course you really think you are that toxic? If you are, you are welcome here.

You see I’m not here to write about the meeting of the divne femine and sacred masculine in some deep holy union. I’m here to talk about the occurance of a trauma bonded personal hell. They’re a bit different aren’t they? One is all orgasmic bliss and the other is all orgasmic hell, as we go from one adreanline fueled fuck up to the next. I ain’t going to paint up all nice and make out that the stuff that I deal with even in my own interpersonal realtionships – particulary with myself aren’t excrutiating. We all have a bit of the devil in us no matter how hard we have worked or how blank minded we aspire to be at 10 am on a idyl Tuesday. It’s all fucked up and did I mention we are in a global pandemic? Stuck indoors with the same people; all the time?

Yet some of us are entirely physically alone in this and struggling hard. Our inner demons are scratching us from the inside. Even as a well seasoned trauma tucker I’ve felt my anxiety peak, fragility surface and have felt both cracked and chipped over the last few days. There has also been a new moon of epic proportions. That seems to be amplifying the galatic rays of purification and purging. If you haven’t been wailing into your pillow lately are you even Earthly?

So seriously if you are manging to hold together any kind of relationship at all, you truly are in top form right now. You got to give yourself some slack, grab your favourite junk food. Turn off the digital chat and go inward. I spent three hours praying today (that is neither aspirational nor normal). Cause well, I needed to switch off the conversation I’ve been having with myself for the the last 5 days. Sometimes you have just got to douse yourself with intention and hope the essential oils don’t catch on fire. It’s time to meet yourself in the mire. Shoulder the responsibilty of blame and find a way to move forward with the interpersonal shit storm, that is basically fucking the planet. We are here to learn. Where would you find water if it wasn’t in the tap? We are thoroughly disconnected from our friendly host and some how we think divine union is achievable in this life time? To be fair it probably is, it’s just the starting point that’s truly fucked.