Process, Uncategorized

Flawsome Revisited

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The secret flower language of tulips is perfect love. That’s pretty flawsome.

I’m not even sure that I believe in the idea of flaws anymore. They seem to have gone drastically out of vogue along with the world sin. Even though I might embrace the word flawsome as a philosophy what I need you to know it that there is everything right with you. The only thing that has lead you to believe otherwise is everybody else’s opinion of you. It’s sad but true. Go grab the tissues have a wee cry and come back to be.

Fuck living for other people. I know personally, it has been the bain of my life. All the ways I am supposed to be but aren’t. All the ways I am supposed to behave and don’t. I’m meant to speak quietly, brush my hair, never swear,  probably wear less pyjamas and dedicate more time to my appearance. Now on that note, what I have to say maybe revolutionary. I’m one of those women who is generally very happy with her appearance, except when I bear more fat than is healthy. Yes, I get fat. It’s ok to say so. I also I get fat for a whole plethora of emotional and systemic reason that are far too complex and nuanced to go into in this blog post. It’s also ok to not like the things that you don’t like about yourself as long as they are deeply informed by your own feelings and not somebody else’s. You see flaws are superpowers. Maybe you speak loudly because you are supposed to be heard, maybe you swear because your frustration is supposed to be acknowledged and witnessed, maybe your hair should be messy because you’re disrupting the appearance of women. Maybe wearing pyjamas highlights how ridiculous it is that we expected to be uncomfortable in the world. That fashion isn’t designed for us. That we are expected to fit into a world not made for us. That is what flawsome is all about. We aren’t flawed, the world in its current format is. Because we, yes you an I are perfect. It’s the system that is fucked. It’s the system that rejects us our non-robotic selves, where we are conceived and engines of productivity and wealth generation for the elite. What if you lived in abundance. Would singing as you worked be a problem? Would your messy hair be disruptive? Of course not. That’s the thing the way you do or do not adapt into the system by the people, organisation and institutions that surround you have everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. Your adaptation is to do with how other people need you to be in order for them to feel well, whole and successful. Any form of judgement is a trauma response that values control and dominance of the sacredness of human life over the innate non-linear gifts that we have to share with the world.

Process, Uncategorized

Time For Change

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As the earth turns so does the seasons.

This has been my tag line for a while. I’ve played around with a few. Yet largely this one has stuck and there are multiple reasons as to why. Time is such a loaded word as it seems to be the core building block of our human reality for the most part. The Great Pause appears to be altering our interaction with time. This is as we realise that we can have a fare more expansive real-life existence if we are willing to utilise time to explore our inner scapes. Our inner scapes that are constructed from stories of our past present and future.

When I settled on Time For Change it acted for me as a call to action for impending sociological and ecological crisis. Secondly, it references my own practice where I mainly provide 3-hour sessions. You seem time can expand and shrink depending on the attention we give it much like consciousness. We all know this. An afternoon can feel a fifteen-minute interlude and a road trip across a vast desert can feel like an eternity. That our experience of time can make up as much of our reality as the sights, sounds and sensations that surround us. Yet we dismiss this knowledge as a fleeting perplexion, an inconvenient stain on the solidity of what we think we know.

You see it’s almost impossible to make change unless we make time for it. It’s so obvious and yet so lost to us. In fact, it’s at the very core of what I do. Slow down, feel connect breath, explore. Many of us out there in the wellness business hark on about meditation, mindfulness and even presence yet there are few of us fully engaging in that process. We use business to prop up our own self-care regimes as it’s the only way to make us fully accountable. That is why to me staring at the ceiling is so important. You see it isn’t about having a set practise or following a guru or even adopting a whole new way of being. It’s as simple as taking time for ourselves. Taking time to reprogramme. So many of us a careering along we have no idea what programme we are even running on. That is why I rarely define myself as a coach. We are so much more than our productivity or outward visual success. We are magical beings that have the ability to navigate, transmute and transform multiple paradigms.

Maybe that all sounds fantastical and maybe it is? Then if you think about it slightly deeper it’s absolutely true. As humans, we have wandered through time. We have known different eras and technologies. We have even managed to create objects that survive us, while we disappear. We have literally lived in different paradigms and it is the unrelenting knowledge of a future that commits us to the actions or belief structures that drives us each day. Whether you are working in full awareness of that or not it is undoubtedly true. Most of us are blithely unaware of what drives us forward for many it is simply the acquisition of material wealth and the consumption of experiences. For me it’s something else it’s creating tangible magic through the use of time and conversation.  You see when we slow things down it is possible to time travel. It is possible to dive into somebody else word and learn what it is to arrive in another country,  another time, another language, another paradigm. We can be transported to whole new realms we could never imagine on our own. We also have the ability to create our own lives and worlds the way we might like it. By understanding the past we can expand in our visions of the future. I like to think of it as future healing. Imagine if every action you take had the ability to transform everything around you.  Imagine, just imagine? Even that takes time.

 

Process, Uncategorized

Systemic Trauma, Love, Nurturance and Succour

F9614607-8E5A-42AB-AE92-DF6FB8AF6284I keep going on about how the last 2 years have brought forth radical transformation in my life. Without telling you what is going on. Nor am I going to share here and there is a reason for this. Sharing isn’t always safe and it’s a privilege to hear my story, it’s going to be gritty and chewy and eyewatering when we get there, and still, I’m not there. I’m not ready to share and you know what that is totally ok.

In the meantime what I am truly finding out is how hard it is to actually share who you are and that people shouldn’t feel entitled to all of you. Yet they do. Like in my previous blog post when I talked about basically being utilised to do the admin work for community activism when it would have been far more beneficial to be put to work doing what I actually do.  Which is healing trauma.

I can’t even begin to tell you how long it’s taken me to get here to the whole trauma thing. It’s an origin story of note, that probably started ten years ago. That started with a friend of mine called Cait where we sadly concluded that more people were suffering from trauma than we might even be able to identify. That back then we had no idea how we might tackle the epidemic. That we didn’t know what all the answers were. All we knew really was that people were suffering, even ourselves. We knew that symptoms of trauma tended to isolate people and that most people had no clue what to do when their friends and family were in crisis. That we were more likely to ostracise them for their behaviour, rather than include them out of love. That diagnosis was woefully unable to define the true human story behind the tears, the tantrums, the self-medicating, and the withdrawal. That even Eeyore deserved to be invited to the party. Yet what if the symptoms were more pernicious? What if the behaviours were more troublesome and asked people to question everything that we knew and understood? That the school systems was fucked and equated to child abuse. The corporate working world was nothing more than wage slavery, that made us complicit in a planetary tragedy. That governance was built on nothing more the imaginary lines in the sand and maximised on the idea of human separateness. That modern medicine was looking to kill us. That communities were deliberately under threat from the sickness of greed. That it all felt vapid and soulless and no one had the depth of character or will to dive into another’s pain, because they were totally unable to face their own.

Yet here I am tens years on and I’ve garnered some answers, secure attachment, trust, nurturance, time, and the old fashioned idea of succour. Succour, we even have a word for it, long since forgotten. We know how to heal ourselves, it all boils down to human connection, inclusiveness and of course love.