Process, Uncategorized

Emotional Labour, Community Activism, Boundaries and The Rise of the Divine Feminine

IMG-4499This year it feels like I’ve taken a crash course in all of the above. I’m also feeling pretty proud of myself in the process.  For the first time in the history of my own community activism, I have refused to take on other peoples shit. True Story.

Emotional Labour is the work of me, The Life Doula. I create space, I hold space and I offer up time as if it is an infinite resource and utilising a lost healing magic that seems to have been long forgotten in the realms of 21st-century healing. You can’t hack everything. It is at the very moment we can become grateful for the ageing process, proud of the whispy grey hairs and that wisdom usually has to be earned.

The truth is that Emotional Labour is, for the most part, the work of women. The absorbing, the explaining, the understanding, the coaxing and sustaining of families and communities. It’s the care of the dying, the nurturing of children, the comforting of the ill and distressed and the perpetual maintenance of the household. It’s also the commitment to healing, healing ourselves to be of better service. Healing our selves to create better homes, stronger families and resilient communities and yet so little of this work are appreciated and honoured even though it is the very stuff of life.

These days as healers and let’s be honest here as women we now have to resolve to set boundaries for ourselves. We have to decide to take care of ourselves first, heal our selves first before we ever hope to have a deeper impact on the world at large, even though there is so much to heal. Too often now I have had the call to action. “Kimberley we need your help” and too often now I have learned that the help I have to offer is mistaken for something else. That somehow I can do the work for you. That by me showing up and listening to the problem at hand is a cure and that due to my caring nature I might be willing to solve the problem by taking on the role of community enabler. That I will be project manager, researcher, facilitator,  admin assistant,  fundraiser and counsellor. All for free of course.

The answer is I can and I won’t. The truth is my house isn’t in order. I expect too much from hurt people. The best remedy I have for this is, of course, is getting back to the drawing board and straight back into dharma. Chopping water and fetching wood, figuring out where the mix up happened and re-committing to healing myself first, loving myself best and serving reason from a cup that radiates joy.

The age of Aquarius is here. The divine feminine is on the rise and emotional mastery is calling to us. Nurturance is key and taking on the emotional labour of others is over. Nothing is disposable. The energy we put out into the world is the energy we get back. After all, it’s the circle of life.

Process, Uncategorized

The Way We Hear

IMG-9924Clutter can be distracting. Often when we listen to people or engage with people who are experiencing pain we don’t make enough space in our own psyches to hear a person. Not only that when we do hear them we come at them with quick fixes our own solutions or even opinions of what might be the next best move. All of the above is more like providing a brain storming session for someone who literally doesn’t know how they feel, never mind what they want. Here we are supposedly helpful individuals bombarding someone with an idea whether it is welcome or not. This strategy can be very well meaning. However it doesn’t address the challenge at hand and at worse can deny the emotions of the very person you are trying to help. The way we listen to people and even to ourselves can often be very damaging.

Often it can be very hard to understand exactly what someone is saying. We all have such nuanced and complex emotional landscapes we mistake what we might feel for what someone else feels. When in fact they are very different. That two people can go through exactly the same experience, hold different perspective of exactly what happened and extract totally different meanings or interpretations of what it meant for them. There is so much to learn. There is almost no doubt that other humans are our greatest teachers. Yet we still superimpose our own beliefs and ideas on the person in front of us. Doing this undermines our own learning process and ability to grow. Well all have so many stories and experiences. Out lives the family environments that we grow up in are all totally unique and can never be replicated. If we treated each human as an artistic masterpiece, our lives would be so enriched. We would dive into one another with total abandon and we would never seek to “improve”, alter or change any part of the other. We would be engrossed in the process of learning all we can in that very moment. Time is short our moments together are precious.

So if we took the time to view the people in our lives in such ways. How would we change ourselves to accommodate this idea? How would we alter our interactions? The way we hear or understand another human. Would we be able to truly leave judgement at the door and open ourselves up the the power of each moment? Casting away our thoughts, the mental clutter and our predetermined ideas of acceptance. It’s a powerful idea that has delighted me this morning.