Process, Uncategorized

It’s Not You, It’s Me

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Are you feeling upside down and a little prickly?

It actually is all about you. Relational healing is primarily about the relationship that you have with yourself and no matter how good you think it is, it can always get better. It’s at this point I think it’s important to tell you that I just opened a tin of anchovies and started eating them in bed. You see I’m not here to preach with you about how your relationship should or in fact be. Cause if you are doing it for show it is almost certainly time to dig deeper. There is no need to be flashing your green juice and your yoni egg round here unless of course you really think you are that toxic? If you are, you are welcome here.

You see I’m not here to write about the meeting of the divne femine and sacred masculine in some deep holy union. I’m here to talk about the occurance of a trauma bonded personal hell. They’re a bit different aren’t they? One is all orgasmic bliss and the other is all orgasmic hell, as we go from one adreanline fueled fuck up to the next. I ain’t going to paint up all nice and make out that the stuff that I deal with even in my own interpersonal realtionships – particulary with myself aren’t excrutiating. We all have a bit of the devil in us no matter how hard we have worked or how blank minded we aspire to be at 10 am on a idyl Tuesday. It’s all fucked up and did I mention we are in a global pandemic? Stuck indoors with the same people; all the time?

Yet some of us are entirely physically alone in this and struggling hard. Our inner demons are scratching us from the inside. Even as a well seasoned trauma tucker I’ve felt my anxiety peak, fragility surface and have felt both cracked and chipped over the last few days. There has also been a new moon of epic proportions. That seems to be amplifying the galatic rays of purification and purging. If you haven’t been wailing into your pillow lately are you even Earthly?

So seriously if you are manging to hold together any kind of relationship at all, you truly are in top form right now. You got to give yourself some slack, grab your favourite junk food. Turn off the digital chat and go inward. I spent three hours praying today (that is neither aspirational nor normal). Cause well, I needed to switch off the conversation I’ve been having with myself for the the last 5 days. Sometimes you have just got to douse yourself with intention and hope the essential oils don’t catch on fire. It’s time to meet yourself in the mire. Shoulder the responsibilty of blame and find a way to move forward with the interpersonal shit storm, that is basically fucking the planet. We are here to learn. Where would you find water if it wasn’t in the tap? We are thoroughly disconnected from our friendly host and some how we think divine union is achievable in this life time? To be fair it probably is, it’s just the starting point that’s truly fucked.