Process, Uncategorized

Emotional Landscape

Hmmm I would have thought that I had written this one already. It seems not. How it missed it off of the top 100 of The Life Doula usable phrases I have no idea. How it has failed to make into blog post noteriaty is beyond me, given that it is one of the core tenants of the work I do. Maybe it’s because it so close to emotional m I didn’t think it was necessary. This morning I have already been writing You Are Here, about where you stand on the map of your life. What you need to know about what surrounds you in order to make more powerful better informed choices. Not sure if I explained the power of You Are Here as succinctly as I did here. Note to self. Anyway I referenced emotional landscape a lot in that post/article and I thought I better follow up on what it actually means. As I am sure references to emotional landscape in pop culture are at best rare. You see it’s been a journey this blog itself is called process because I don’t always know where I am or where my emotional journey might take me. How can I when I don’t know where I am? In fact writing gives me the greatest opportunity to discover where I am and that is why I do it. The process laid bare. How are we supposed to know where we are if we don’t think or talk about it? That’s my vibe.

You see as humans we are constantly and continualy dealing with the unseen. The unseen can be expressed, understood, suppressed, repressed, invisible, ignored, incommunicable and even preverbal. The unseen realms are all about feeling. What can’t be felt lives in the unconscious shadow. In recent years there has been an explosion in shadow workers and now more recently trauma practicioners (of which I am one). I didn’t start this journey knowing I was either. All I knew is that I wanted to help people feel and talk about emotional health rather than mental health. That emotions were the key to feeling and healing everything.

That to me, is what emotional landscape is. It’s the place where you reside within your soul. The landscape that no one else can see, that only you feel, that often acts as a barrier to conecting with others. You see our emotional landscapes often don’t look like the ones you see on T.V. (who watches T.V. anymore?) The emotional landcape can be dark, confusing, cloudy, messy and most of all unnamable. We dont know how to talk about our souls unless someone gives us language to do so. The language that we are taught quite often doesn’t match the langauge that we have. We think love is scary or family is safe. The beach is happy or that clowns are funny. Each of our emotional landscapes is highly unique to us and can often feel non-translateable. Until of course we find that painting, that song, that film that somehow expresses the unsayable for us. More confusingly every day, every moment is different as life is fluid. We can be on the edges of bliss one day and exploding with anger the next. We can be dancing with excitment and wrestling with peace at the same time. Our emotional landscape is caught up with oximorons that can make us feel insane. The world is supposed to be structured and finite, not random and fluid and yet it can be both sumoultaniusly. No wonder we get confused or feel lost, lonely isoloated and lot of the time. You see we haven’t understood our invisible emotional landscape and until we do we are never going to find ourselves, where we are and head in the direction we want to be going.

If you havev enjoyed this article you can find out more about what I do at The Life Doula Shop

Process, Uncategorized

You Are Here

Last year 2020 (Yes that one) I started out on creating a free course called The Free Buffett, that could be used by those experieincing trauma. 2020 being the year that it was my course didn’t get very far off the ground, even though the ground work was there. This year after reassessing it’s contents I decided to use the course segments titles to inspire each of my weekly blog posts. The first of these titles being ‘You Are Here’. It’s a stange title to begin with, I know, yet if I explain it it might begin to make more sense. You see it really is quite straight forward. You are here. Right here exactly where you are. You exist and it seems like a very good place to get started, in the quest to both heal trauma and the journey to reclaim your infinte power. It’s a really exciting concept. That no matter where you are? There you are. If you know where you are you might be able to figure out where you are going. I thought it was quite a funny title as it made me think of one of those tourist maps that you find at an amusement park or country park. We often don’t know where we are standing unless we have taken the time to look. It’s a strange question too as we often don’t think about our lives in terms of where we are. We don’t think about the unseen landscape that surrounds us. And there is one.

You see all our lives are made up of multiple elements from how we feel? Who we are in relationship with? Where we live? and what we think? Life can be super complicated and we carry so many unspoken things it can be difficult to to even consider the emotional landscape within us. Much less express it or convery it to sombody else. Often we just don’t have the resources and in particular time to understand, appreciate and acknowledge how we are feeling. Where we are? Where we are going? or where we want to be?

You see when we grow up in traumatised landscapes we often don’t have access to the feelings we need to make a better life for ourselves. In fact much of our positive emotions are considered to be toxic. Joy can be scary, happiness dangerous. hope deceitful. What happens to our inner landscapes when nothing every changes? Nothing gets better? When everyone around us is stuck and we are trapped along with them? Trying to get out, leave or take a step in different, new or upward direction can be terrifying. It can feel like any form of movement might kills us.

Obviously this might not be you. I totally get that. What I am really asking is; Do you know where you are? If you were to draw a map of your life where do the monsters live? Are the gremlins inside your head allocated a reasonable amount of space to speak and if so where do they meet? Where does fear live in your everyday life? What brings you joy? What make you happy? Where do you find peace? What are you seeking to experience and where do you think you will find it? If you were in perfect flow where would you flow too with and inbetween? It’s time to open up your emotional landscape and take the next best step you can even if that just means reading the map for a little while. It’s nice to get some options of where you would like to go. Remember when the scary places on the map seemed like the most exciting?

If you are interested to find out more about where you are you can find out more about Emotional Mapping you check out The Life Doula Shop

Process, Uncategorized

Radical Acceptance Circle

Well I need some Radical Acceptance right now it’s abotu 1 am in the morning and I’m tryign to ine up a years worth of email sending in order to buy time to do a MRes in Human Geography. Like seriously I feel like I am gaslighting myself as to whether this process and line of action is even possible at this poitn of the game. Bar 1 essay thus far everything I’ve submitted has been late. yet I am still doing the best I can and forging on, failing hard. Yet here I am writing my future. At least we can see where my priorities lie. It certianly isn’t in impressing a whole bunch of university professors, though it would be rather lovely to pass.

Anyways I have got somewhat of a dirty little secret to share. I’ve been running a circle and I haven’t told you about it. Mainly because it was started in service of a select group of doulas. Now it would appear that this time has come to open it up to everybody. So if you would like to join a circle of people every Monday and Friday that are deeply into some radical acceptance you are more than welcome to join us to cry, wail, keen, scream and well whatever you would like really. I’d love to tell you all about, However I working on a ‘manuscript’ and I would hate to spoil the surprise. When I’m ready to add a pre-order button on the finished product I’ll be sure to let you know. 2020 was tough and if we are truly honest it looks like 2021 is going to get a bit tougher. Click through to sign-up for the Radical Acceptance Circle it runs on a donation basis though there is absolutly no obligation to donate. You are free to join us however whenever. It’s all about the Wellbeing Economy you know.

I’m in the process of setting up and integrated trauma wise community, which you can access through my Healing Humans Facebook Group Please be aware that once in this group you might be exposed to some rather mindbending information, after all exapanding conscioussness is and extensive part of the job of a healer. So yeah see you on the flip side or say hello to Janice my higher-self, she’s great, much wiser than I am.

If you have enjoyed reading this article you can donate here or check out my shop for services.

Process, Uncategorized

Trauma Bomb

Well I’m sure somewhere in my badly executed media strategy I had a concept of all the issues that might revolve around the idea of Feral. My new Systemic Healing Circle for anybody that actually gives a shit about current world affairs. Where I was going to outline very intelligently all the ways in which the Feral concept came into being. About wildness, re-wilding, where in the meantime some of us (aka me) never managed to get fully sytemised in the first place. Like a feral cat that didn’t get exactly what they wanted out of system, that was supposedly designed to support them I was all and am still all too ready to tear the dysfunctional system apart if it didn’t serve me perfectly.

First of all this kind of approach and attitude to the system is highly indicative of personal trauma and second of all why the fuck is everyone else so compliant? There are more questions too that include: Is it just me? Why can’t you just get along? Accompanied by deeper musings… if the system doesn’t serve everybody does it serve anybody? You see that is the challenge with systems (speaking as somebody that just spent a week of her life scheduling emails for the year) they don’t work for everybody. As human components of the system when we meet people that don’t fit into our agenda, the trajectory of an organisation or the guiding principles of society we tend to ignore, overlook, dimiss, silence, reject, remove, exile and even kill the people that don’t agree. Fucking scary right? Why do we do that? Because its uncomfortable, inconvenient, disruptive, time consuming, difficult and ultimately embarassing to admit that we don’t have all the answers, nor are we capable of delivering all the solutions. That the rules, the law and ‘our’ procedures don’t work for everybody. That actually the system denies our humanity by denying many of the humans that belong to it. And you know what? We do this mainly all in the name of progress.

As I am sure that I have written this multiple times the micro informs the macro. The challenges that we have globally are relational. That the system rejects the interpersonal as significant and engrains, neglect, abuse and trauma into systemic relations. This is why I often tend to talk about the anti-human system. There is so much programming that fuels these kind of behaviours it’s hard to accept that for the most part we are contributing to the toxic systems that keep people at best stuck and at worst traumatised. The real trick is figuring out where we are perpetuting harm in a toxic system. And more than this where we are silently complicit. This week (tonight in fact) I start the Feral Systemic Healing Circle, which morphed and developed from a few approches that included the idea of a group called Complicit Anonoymous (that never got off the ground). The premis of Complicit Anonymous was that most of us with any ____________ (insert applicable word here) know that we cause harm and are contributing to societal collapse, the 6th mass extinction and climate change. Most of us are all operating in systems that largely refuse to ancknowldege the ways in which they cause harm. From the single mother that won’t receive a wellfare check to the petrochemical dependency of most companies and yet we choose to carry on buisness as usual. Where there are so many things to stand up for so many injustices to fight against it’s fucking exhasuting. Yet we carry these burdens as we too remain trapped in the cycle of perpetuating economic growth and maintain economic power by controlling resources, such as land access. Yet at the same time impacting basic resources such as air. The consumptive behaviour of the money classes and developed countries are having dire consequencies of the air quality of the systemically abused and ‘developing’ economies. Yet we carry on. Of course I am as guit as the next person. The challege is that all these behaviour are interconnected and intersectional as we try to build a way out of the Systemic Trauma Bomb that we have created.

Why is this artilce called Trauma Bomb I often write about how the personal informs the planetary. Last week I witnessed and experieinced what I can only be describe as a trauma bomb. It’s where two or more emotional triggers and thus unresolved trauma meets and blows up. It was an interpersonal relational masterpiece of destruction that threw most of if not all of my work schedule totally of schedule. It would have been great to ignore it. It would have been great to deny that my unrecognised trauma, the previously unseen shadow had anything to do with it, ignore the other persons issue and of course bythly carry on. That wasn’t possible. No matter how bad the circumstances. How dire the consequences of an emotional outburst, explosion or trauma bomb is we have to take the time to work with the trauma, acknowledge the pain and find new strategies. Nobody, not even a trauma doula is going to get it right all of the time, especially when we are working with our shadows, the things that we can’t see. You see shadow work gets complicated when we start to understand collective shadow work or even just the shadow of the companies organisations we work for or even run. You see what are the trauma bombs of thes organisations, companies and structures when their shadows meet. I think we are seeing these play out perfectly in the USA right now. Where corporate media fails to take repsonsibily for promoting and endorising very traumatised man and encouraging all his traumatised followers while denying the legitmacy of Black Lives Matter. Racism is systemic trauma. Yet the USA seems to be living a polarity of full scale systemic trauma denial that is engrained into most of it’s insitutions. Why won’t Mike Pence get rid of Trump?

That’s why my spelling is wobbly, I’m not trying to hide that I am dyslexic. I’m actively exposing my shadow. Why do I say I’m traumatised frequently? So it liberates you to say it too. Trauma is the real pandemic. In a society built on privilige, competion and capitalism Letting everyone know where all the gremlins are puts me at a major disadvantage. I’m absolutely fucking certain that numerous people have judged me for the quality of my output. Indeed totally bypassed it. I thank you. Language and presentation even though I have forgetten to mention it numerable times in my writing is a key componant of Systemic Trauma. Saying you could do better? If you just paid a bit more attention to your work? or the killer “Can you speak english please?” The answer to that question is no I can’t. Are you listening properly? Are you paying attention? Can you see where your biases, your prejudice and your biggotory yet? If I waited until I met your standards I would never have gotten started and indeed the terror of being judged for my seeming laziness or lack of attention has prevented me from flourishing far sooner in life. So yes here we are all complit in a toxic system, looking for a way out we can’t buy. If you are looking for solutions it’s time to sign-up to Feral Systemic Healing Circle.

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Process, Uncategorized

Feral

I’m fairly confident that I have not written about this before. I’ve got no idea why, given that its’ been burning though my brain as an idea ever since forever ago. Like alot of the ideas I have. Anyways I’m really excited about this one. Let me say this very clearly, I am feral. I don’t belong in the system and my natural environment has been destroyed and well it’s left me somewaht untameable. That might be how you youd describe me if I was an animal, and then of course I am. Human’s are animals, we certainly seem to follow our worst impulses a lot of the time (that will be the trauma). And yes most of live very far outside the confines of our natural envirnoment, most of us don’t even have access to a natural water source these days, especially if we live in cities. We are forced to drink chlorine for our own good.

You see I got a bit pissed of with all these re-wilding wild women posts, projects and groups that seemed to need a matching head dress to go with you mass produced slave labour arm bands in order to feel free. What true wild human have you met that has a warddrobe of accesories that are weather essentials? Anyways I should probably stay quiet here. My bad attitude hardwire is being to shine through after a rather intesne week. That’s my problem that is why I might describe my self as feral. I don’t fit into the system, in fact it terrifies me that so many people do. I’m literally lost as to how people keep together such a distinct and fuck-up socital lie. Except of course for paychecks. That’s how. Would anybody like to talk abour corruption? We are courrupt. Remember you can’t eat money? Universal enslavement has been a thing for a while now. As I’m sure any Marx theorist will tell you. So yeah I called bullshit on the system a long time ago. I didnt’ like it going in and I’ve broken the heels of all the pretty shoes I have doing the best I can to stay out. In fact I’ve nearly destroyed myself to be non-complict in the system’s anti-human ways. So yes fuck the system. Fuck the system hard.

It’s not very productive though is it? So I’ll internalise capitalism and keep on writing. So if you are disruptor an interested in Personal Activism and Systemic Healing you can sign up to join the Feral Systemic Healing Circle which convenes on or around every new moon of 2021.

If you have enjoyed reading this article you can donate here or check out my shop for services.

Process, Uncategorized

Trauma Wise

It’s 2021. Who new that would feel like such an achievement. We’ve survived the first stage of the Zombie Apocolypse. Now it’s time to get real about the future of the the human species. Where our survival might fit in both individually and collectively. For me that’s everything to do with trauma work. What we need to learn about ourselves and what we need to heal in order to move forward with a little bit of grace. Up until now I would have used the term Trauma-Informed to describe the Trauma Wise process and realise that we need new language if we are going to really understand trauma at all. We all have the innate abiltiy to heal from trauma, we aren’t told that though are we? That is fact trauma responses are the most natural thing in the world and getting to grips with them is purely a matter of creating mutal respect and learning about consent. What do we consent to? Why do we consent? What is tacit consent? And how does tacit consent make us complicit in toxic systems, even if they are just family ones? What are we creating in our lives that generates trauma? How do we heal from trauma if given the space and time to. Primarily trauma healing is all about our relationship with our body. How our brain is functioning. If we are running on our adrenal system and what is stored in our muscle memory. Trauma healing is actually about listening to our bodies and allowing it to tell the story of what happened to us.

What if we were safe? What if we were heard and what if the environments we live in were designed for a peaceful human existance in harmony with nature? What if our bodies were a reflection of our environments? What if our bodies were implicit and complicit in creating the toxic environments that surround us? You see becoming Trauma Wise is accepting your place in the macro and that you are indeed a micro unit resposible for creating the macro environment. That trauma is both interior and exterior to family systems. That family systems are not soley responsible for the truama that you carry. That trauma is systemic.

Over the next year I am going to be using these blog posts to outline the most basic understanding of trauma, to create a personal intervention and promote personal activism. Trauma can be treated both proactively and retroactively simoultaniously. As humans we have the ability to move back and forwards through time transforming trauma. That should we wish to do so we can transform ourselves personally, generationally, ancestrally, systemically and even planetarily if given the tools to do so. If you would like to learn more about trauma, how to heal it and how to support others through trauma you can follow this blog for more infomation. If you want to take a more proactive approach you can sign up to any or all of three circles that I run below as part of a wellbeing economy approach. (In other words don’t let money get in the way of attending.

Radical Acceptance Circle

Trauma Wise Circle

Feral Systemic Healing Circle

If you have enjoyed reading this article you can donate here or check out my shop for services.

Process, Uncategorized

Rest

It’s been one hell of a journey and that was before I had even started this 12 month endeavor of rebirth. My take away moment – I ended up in Heathrow in the middle of a global pandemic through choice.

What the fuck can I tell you 2020 has been one crazy ride and lots of people haven’t made it. The good, the bad, the ugly and even the brilliant. Last I checked David Attenborough and The Queen are still alive. Not that that is much of a list when we call into play white privilige. Is anybody else still having converstaions about it other than people of colour. Like seriously? George Floyd did not make it and he wasn’t even sick. Guess what our society is. 

Maybe me most of all. I have bitten of way more than I can chew this year and I am still choking on what I have instigated. Somethings are more finished than others and in another year maybe I will be able to engage in a long period of self reflection. That isn’t now though. It’s reserved for these posts until then. Obvioulsy I can’t tell you everything. It’s a partical and a wave kind of thing. There is so much flowing to me and around me right now everyday is a selective channeling.

For this year alone, I have engaged in birth doula training, death doula training, celebrancy training, started a MRes in Human Geography and graduated as a Sangoma. I even got a new name Water Star (I’d been longing for one). A kaelidoscope of ideas are running through my being forming the rainbow bridge one step, one breath, one moment at a time. From zoom to whatapp my being is more full than it has ever has been as I expand ever more deeply into who I am. Ever more deeply into my purpose. I couldn’t be clearer it’s sytemic trauma, I’m a Trauma Doula and a Systemc Trauma Specialist. No they didn’t have a name for that in high school. In previous incarnations I might have been known as a witch or a cailleach. I probably prefer seer. I’m caught up on the meaning of all things. Though I now own a cauldron and that is a delightful thing to have.

I still dream of long nights in front of the fire and an empty head for reading books. Yet here I’m not in hiberation as I sit in the southern hemisphere. I long to be still and yet the world seems to be speeding every faster into a new age of magic and miracle. Where you get finished as the work gets done. If I was to untangle capitalism from within my being who might I be instead? I think that I have been here for quite sometime. I fell out of time a long time ago. I saw the world very differently from the edges and from within the void. I was voided for a long time. You’re expereince isn’t vald. If I put myself  at the center of my own life for a while how would it be? Uninterrupted writing by the fire I think, isn’t that a dream. I wrote a book once… I fell in love. We are all just these transitory moments colliding together in the human field.

I’m still sitting with it, wondering who I might be. Who I might have become. I’m exactly everything I am supposed to be and changing daily. Embarking on the work of a generation. The real work , the work I cannot deny or ignore. The place where all my resoning has taken me. It all leads to systemic trauma.

In the meantime I have to remember what I love, what heals me. The trees. The birds. The garden. For myself I must find time for that. I must rest within it. This sacred Earth our Water Star.

Drink &  Be Merry. They’ll be more holdays next year and the world spins.

If you have enjoyed this article or any of the others from this year please make a donation here https://ko-fi.com/thelifedoula

 

 

 

Process, Uncategorized

Rest Is Resistance

I wrote a whole article and WordPress just deleted it. Such is my dance with the digital, often these days. Is this where the next levels of control emerge from the hive mind of human AI. Before all that popped into my head I was saying how Rest is Resistance is the rallying call of The Nap Ministry. Who restfully challenge the system by opposing burn out culture. Sleep is essential to our survivial as a species, far more than water actually. You better get yourself some. Even sleep hygene is hard to manage in our industrialised environment, where light and sound pollution invade the private sacred space of sleep.

If resting gives us back our power and wonder how stillness and even contemplation fair in the equation? As I this year have scrabbled to find both rest and balance. All as it is made clear to me that my content creation works as a form of internalised capitalism. Which leads me to the question should you be paying for this? Is that where I am at. Today I got 2000 views on my website. it’s only taken four years. Four full ones and as I come to terms with that I wonder what is really stopping me from pushing myself further. They key answer is rest. Long persist and continuous rest. That maybe I need to lie fallow for a while. That the means of production even on things I love is acting as a strange corriosive force in my life as I try to eeek out the things that really support me. Maybe if I could rest more I could find a better way forward. The truth is the system is exhausting. Being ethical is exhausting. Caring is exhausting.

As we all become more trauma-informed it clear that as we move into the Aquarian age that more feeling is required. That feeloing is require to heal and that we all need more time and space to do that. Everything depends on it. My slogan is time for change. That the long expanses of empty space is where the magic happens. That we need time to heal. Not just ourselves, everything round us. As we find out the meanign of true right relationship. Where am I in relation to that? Now that is a question of spaciality and even the mutlidimensional.

Only today I was having a conversation abotu neglect that has perturbed me. When really the neglect we feel in raltion with others in the neglect that we have for ourselves. Is there rest in movement I wonder more deeply? 2020 has been a clanger of a year. For me better than 2019 if you can even imagine that. Where living more fuller as been a case of livning in far deeper presence with myself. Finding my fear. It is there and sometimes I don’t know where to sit with it.

What I do know and that I openly admit here is that I spend more time looking a online tarot card reading to find my center than anything else. Can some one else plug me into the messages of the divine while I am denying myself. We can heal all out once. We can’t feel all at once either. We can always take time to heal though. Even though our system tells us otherwise.

Rest into yourself. Imagine the Earth as a warm wet blanket. It’s time to douse yourself with love.

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Process, Uncategorized

Water

My journey with water this year feels immense. Like I retuned to it through a subconscious loop whole. It’s hardly surprising that it became part of a new name, Water Star. Or more correctly Gogo Water Star which means Grandmother Water Star. I haven’t put it like that before and now it feels to me that that is quite a name. Gogo Water Star is my Sangoma name and it came to me as you might imagine through an exposing of the unconscious mind.

As I’ve been talking about it previous posts the Earth is water and if we look at the planet from a disatance as we see it as a Pale Blue Dot. Yet we do not call our planet Water and what colour is earth anyway? As the vison of my new name came to me so did the vision of our blue planet. I have seen it many times in meditation as a I float off planet for a few moments. This time never from so far away, as to fully appreciate it, not a my global home in this embodiment but as our global signifier to any other life forms out there. That we might be able to understand Gaia from the outside rather then from our ‘Earthly’ experience. The land doesn’t define us. The water does as it dictates the edges of our knowldege rather than the depth of it. It represents the humans unknown landscape, the water. What can be know there in something as changelable as water. If we are to truly embrace it? What might you learn about elemental force of water if you were to really speak to it. What would you learn if you were to ask it questions? All life comes from water.

There’s been a lot writeen about water in recent years many people have been talking about Maseur Emoto’s Water Science. Some buying it hook line and sinker and others decrying it as pseudoscinece. In case you hadn’t noticed yet 2020 has been the year of alternative realities. Where I have posed the question a few times now. In a post truth word are we allowed to question somebody elses reality? There is good science, bad science and funded science. It’s almost impossible to find science that doesn’t hold an agenda. Even accidental discoveries tend to emerge from a line of scientific enquiry. Scientific enquiry usually develops through asking questions.

So my conversation with water or more specifically with the lack of water has been an interesting one. If all thingsa are connected surely water is the connecting force. The energy source that guides us all. After all aren’t we 85% water. Many many years ago it was pointed out to me that the Moon had the power to move the ocean and with this power what impact might it have on the human body. Water holds the consciousness of all things on this planet. In holds the memory of what was, what is and what is yet to be. My understanding of water has changed radically. Water holds the bodies of our anscestors, the histories of our places, the knowledge of other times. It has been our constant companion liquid, gas and solid. It changes form too.

For five years I drank almost exclusively Table Mountain spring water from a fresh local source. Now I wonder if my trouble with water isn’t a frequency one? When I think of all of Edinburgh’s dense energies and the consciousness that brought chlorine into the water system. How much liquid poison would you like to cosume in this life time? What kind of world do we live in that they composite part of our being that we are made to consume is toxic?

If humans were robots surely we must me working on manual overide at this point. That there is no way that a well functioning human organism knowingly poisons themselves as an act of survival.

It seems to me we need a lot more Gaia force in our lives.

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Uncategorized

Water & Wine

It’s Christmas time! It’s been the most extraordinary year. Way beyond what I imagine for myself or for mutliple others. The world has change and we have change with it. At the beginning of this year I wanted to write again about water. How important it is to my daily routine. How it makes almost everything better from waking in the morning to brain function. How for years I have relied on it as a pick me up. It’s better than sugar, or coffee, there are no side effects and well it’s just great.

This year however for me it has been a personal water tragedy. That is probably reflective of a global one. My water habits have disappeared. All year I have been literally struggling to find and drink water.  Of course for the most part this year water has flowed steadily through the household taps, unlike previous years. Of course I’m very luck to have access to such a resource. However when it came to finding a clean live water source in the city of Edniburgh I was rather surprised to find that there was none. That chlorinated water was making me sick and my body simply wouldn’t take it anymore. I got a bad stomach, with ongoing stomach cramps. It would appear I had been to good to my body for to long to be able to return to chlorinated water.

What happened next – I stopped drinking water almost completely as I couldn’t bear the idea of having to continually buy bottled water in order to feed my water habit. Like seriously, having a water habit is a bad thing for the planet, if you insist on drinking clean live water. Also the transfer from hot warm climate to a cold damp one didn’t help much either. With an interest in Systemic Trauma it got me thinking about land resources in far more specific ways. How many of us were clear about our need for water soveriegnty. How many of us were aware of how poor quality our drinking water actually is. Over the years I have met plenty of people who either purify the water that comes into the house. It’s very rare indeed in the UK to find someone who is able to to source and find local live water. It got me thinking how far does anyone of us live from a clean drinkable water source? I haven’t answered that question yet and maybe there is a lot more research and work to go into this too (if I ever get round to it). That rectifying this essential to human survival. How long has it been now since we were able to have drinkable streams?

So the long and short of it; in order to fix my stomach problems I started drinking wine to regulate my gut biome. Fermentation isn’t just about pickles. There I was at the center of my own ecological disaster buying imported wine or drinking water from plastic bottles. I still don’t kjow which is more ahrmful to the environment, (which includes my body) Sometimes I wish I had the skills to pull together my own mini research studies so that I actually knew the answer. In fact when I die I really would like there to be a cause and effect programme for the environment, where I get to understand how the hours of my life I spent pondering the equally awful environmental choices I had to make were actually worked out.

Anyways I watched the equally disturbing Planet Of The Humans last night just I was getting to grips with the Anthroposcene.

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