Process, Uncategorized

Support Systems

What the fuck are they? I hear you cry. If you’ve made it to this blog and I am very pleased you have, you are probably wondering what exactly do I mean bu support systems? Is that it I have a really good mechanic? Sometimes the hairdresser lets me cry and doesn’t ask any questions..? If I could go to bed every night cuddling a bottle of red wine and gave it a name would that make me actually mad? If you dedication to ‘medicinal substances’ are the deepest and sincerest relationships I know. Then this is probably a blog post for you. 

You are supposed to have real humans in your life, as both a source of reassurance and comfort. You are supposed to have humans in your life that nurture you. Now, this is where being human in 2020 gets scary, I know very well from my own personal experience that this is more often than not, not the case. Though I do remain ever hopeful and as I continue on my journey through life I see ever-increasing examples of functional family units out there. I know who would have thunk it? However, being me and having my own history I fully understand and appreciate the toxic and dysfunctional nature of many family units. Where most members are fighting to get their needs met at best. At worst family life can be a toxic shit storm of violence, verbal abuse and emotional castration. Love feels like gaslighting, confusion reigns and functionality can feel like a distant fantasy reserved for the strange bastion of children’s stories.  

I kid you not I met Cinderella once and she worked in a boxing club. What does that tell you? That the handsome prince didn’t save her? Her feminist friends hadn’t found her? One day I do hope that, that particular fairytale has a happy ending. The last I heard she had stolen cash from the reception and never been seen again. You see we are all only ever one bad move away from destitution. That only a good friend or reliable family member might prevent us from slipping there. Yet so many of us are forced to put our mental health and emotional wellbeing at risk when we either have to visit, live with or even ask for help from our families. 

Personally, it has taken me years to understand the full impact that my family have on my emotional wellbeing. As well as the deepest understanding of both theire dysfunction and toxicity. Also the deeper physiological impacts of growing up in an unpredictable and chaotic environment where adrenaline addictions and trauma bonded formed relationship status quo and home environment. Is it any wonder your on edge, anxious and triggered?

So I’m going to give it to you straight. The way that you know if you have a good support system is that they consistently make you feel good. They say nice things about you. They value your input, are supportive of your dreams and do their best to encourage you most of the time. No one person is perfect or can fulfill all of your needs. You need a team of people who are able to share the laid of your wellbeing and maintenance and this should be reciprocal. That means that you should be concerned about other peoples well being. Be able to consistently say nice things. You are not going to get it right every single time you will make mistakes as will you friends. You get to decide how much you value your relationship and the work that you are willing to put in to maintain a support system. To build trust you need to six good, positive, trust-building experiences to one trust-breaking experience. It really is that simple. There is a science to everything. It’s called a secure attachment.

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Process, Uncategorized

Nurturance

Nurturance has been a word floating around in my emotional body for a while. It always felt a little strange that it was so underused by wellness practitioners. Nurture it’s a big word and I wonder sometimes what it really means? For me, it means creating behaviours and environments that promote growth. Physical and emotional growth. These days as a fully fledged adult nurturance normally has a more interesting flavour it seems prime picked in order to support healing as I speak about in Self-Nurturance, you see we have grown, some would say that we have mistakenly flourished  in toxic environments meant for house plants and not wild roses.

It’s interesting that I should write that now as I see the nurturance lies at the very centre of a new circle that I am presenting over the next few months. Called Feral: A wild adventure in an uncivilised world. Where we learn essentially about all the ways the system is fucking us. All the ways we embody the system. The programming we carry. Our toxic beliefs based on productivity, as well as both of systemic abuse, capitalism and ultimately the anti-human approaches that are destroying lives, family and societies, quite deliberately.

Over the last year, it has made me laugh hard the volume of people that have been telling me about the fear-based propaganda of COVID 19.  Those who have desperately sought to educate me as to all the ways we are being controlled while I have blithely listened. I’ve yet to get to space of recommending my this blog as a form of countenance.

Fear frequency is so old school and given that I have spent most of my life terrified of other peoples blyth ignorance, it now makes me laugh that people think that I am one of those people. I’ve been fighting and brutalised by the broken system for your benefit most of my adult life and have come to a radical understanding of its anti-humans nature. That nurturance is the antithesis of the anti-human. That personal care, self-love and nurturance are the real tools of the resistance. In fact, this is something that I consider to be personal activism that the journey inward offers the greatest stability for us all. I know many of you might consider this spiritual bypassing. If you’ve read my previous blog post Minimalism, Essentialism & Necessity you might consider otherwise. The life of an activist is a far from easy one. I have spent a lot of my life displacing my own trauma finding cause to fight for when in fact the I’m really fighting for my self my own survival my own stability my own growth. My own right to life, a safe space to live and be unhindered to peruse my dreams. The pursuit of dreams is a luxury to those not bound up in the toxicity of end-stage capitalism and enduring the ever-increasing oppression of both propaganda-driven and fascist states. The only way that anybody can effectively organise it through the lense personal activism, community activism and collective healing all of course while unpacking our own systemic trauma.

So how is it that you nurture yourself? Only you know. Is it a long bath and pomegranate juice? A long chat with a close friend? A flask of tea on the beach? A pedicure? A wild swim? Some Netflix and pyjamas? A glass of wine at the end of the day?  A music gig? Some sparkly nail varnish or a political discussion? All of these things are valid forms of nurturance cause what nurturance is for you is not the same as everybody else. You are unique wild and lovable and you deserved to flourish.

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Process, Uncategorized

The Basics

The Basics, it seems like a growing list of essential self-care tips rather than an immediate list of essentials. If I was going to get right down to the bare bones, which indeed the home page of my website once used to. I once talked a lot about air and water. Those are the real full-blown basics of human life. Beyond that maybe even the potential of land on which to find nurturance. In 2020 even air has become toxic and it seems to be a continuing theme of my writing, as I go. That even the most basic of human necessities seems to be under threat as part of our unrelenting anti-human system. 

People these days talk about essentials like they really are disposable facial cleansing wipes or indeed scented bathtime candles. I wish I agreed and I think the revelation that someone packed scented candles as essential travel must, was probably around the time I stopped reading any kind of lifestyle magazine, along with all women’s magazines. I often wonder why these magazines don’t come with free loose-packed razor blades or a craft knife? As all most people seem to get from them is as an opportunity to entirely berates their life or claw together a vision board. Fuck I’m cheery today.  

The real thing when it comes to the basics is what is necessary, what are the absolute essentials? The thing is that when you are living on the edge of survival a candle can feel like a luxury. I’m not talking about a luxury candle. I’m talking about a sock standard household candle. That people in the first world rarely have to consider as an essential item. After several years in South Africa candles are no longer quaint. They became necessary along with the cute little enamelware candle holder. After several years of load-shedding (that’s where the government turn the electricity of whole cities off) electricity was no longer a given, nor even running water due to a drought and a climate disaster. 

This year it’s air, like some kind of elemental warfare is taking place. You see in extreme times we can find the deepest appreciation for the simplest things. Air, water, light, a candle. Nail scissors, a hairbrush, a shower. For me beyond access to our most basic elemental nurturance is the idea of safety. In an anti-human system that pushes people into survivalism, safety can seem forever out of reach. The endless quest for security (due to poor land access) can push us into extreme acts of self-deprecation. It’s ok it seems to be what the capitalist system requires. Anyways what you really need to know right now in the era of post-truth and divergent narrative (that always existed) is the fear-driven perspectives are fueling the breakdown of society. Love is an added bonus in a world that values human productivity over soul contribution. I know, it’s brutal out there and remember the only ones worth holding onto are the ones that are holding on to you. 

If you’ve enjoyed this blog post you can donate here https://ko-fi.com/thelifedoula

Uncategorized

Activists

Actually piss me off most days even though I am one. I look straight in to the heart of most activists and invisibly ask ‘tell me about your trauma?’ Tell me about your dysfunctional family? Tell me all about all about all the ways you feel unseen, unheard, dismissed,  disregarded, ignored? Tell me, tell me, tell me? Then talk to me some more? Tell me about the Palm Oil in Borneo? Tell me about the amputees in Gabon? Tell me about the child cancer victims that can’t get treatment? Tell me about the old lonely people locked in their houses? Tell me about the mental health patients that are so isolated by the system they get madder? Tell me about all the people that fall through the cracks? Tell me about the alcoholic single mother who was abused as child? Tell me about the neglected child with the alcoholic mother? Tell me how vulnerable children get abused in state care? Tell me about the still born babies that never got held? Tell me about all the dead babies in unmarked graves? Tell me of all the babies that were never given names? Then tell me of the people that die alone with no family? Tell me of the abused women to frightened to speak? Tell me about coercive control? Tell me about the impacts of prostate cancer? Tell me how processed food is killing us? Tell me about the benefits of a vegan diet? Tell me about animal rights? Tell me why all beings are sentient? Tell me about the indigenous population about to lose all their land, again? Tell me about the corrupt governments? Tell me how Justin Treudow is a sexy fraud? Tell me about propaganda? Tell me how Trump is a national hero? Tell how Trump is a facist? Tell me that Boris is alright? Tell me why you love The Union Jack? Tell me about the increasing rate of childhood obesity? Tell me about the starving children? Tell me about the starving children in the UK? Tell me about your Uncle that died of kidney failure? Tell me about the failing NHS? Tell me how the NHS saved your life? Tell me how you go through cancer? Tell me about the importance of indigenous knowledge systems? Tell me about your dying language? Tell me about what it feels like to be a black woman in a “white country”? Tell me what it’s like to be a black woman in South Africa? Tell me what it’s like to be a black woman immigrant in any country? Tell me what it feels like to not speak your own language? Tell me what it feels like to be scared of your own skin? Tell me what it’s like to be racialised by your hair? Tell me what it is to hate your father? Tell me what it is to have survived you husband? Tell me what is it to be ignored, beaten and brutalised by the police? Tell me of your torture? Tell me of your torture of both the physical and the emotional? Tell me of your troture both real and imagined. Tell me of your friends who have ‘disappeared”? Tell me of your past pain? Tell me of your future worry? Tell me of your living hell? Tell me why Eco-Anxiety is a thing? Tell me about the impacts of slavery on your life? Tell me about systemic racism? Tell me what its like to be a sex worker? Tell me why you are a sex worker? Tell me about your children in care? Tell me about your baby daddy? Tell me about your abusive mother? Tell me the impacts of your physical illness on your emotional wellbeing? Tell me about your workload? Tell me that you’re busy? Tell me about you overwhelmed? Tell me about all the causes you can’t keep up with? Tell me about your underearning? Tell me about long term unemployment? Tell me about homlessness? Tell me about drug addiction? Tell me about AIDS and HIV? Tell me about how your mother dies of tuberculosis? Tell me about how you see things? Tell me about why you hear voices? Tell me how the natural environment keeps you sane? Tell me? Tell me all at once? Tell me forever? Tell me the same story over and over again? Tell me the same story over and over and over again until it is changed or willfully forgotten. Scream me your pain. Wail me your terror. Burn away the ugliness and. Cut out the hard part. Bleed me your soul. Cry for the world and everyone in it. Swim in your sorrow. Water your dreams. Love your heart. Break the old to build the new.

Tell me of your birth trauma? Tell me how your wife left you? Tell me how the work doesn’t pay? Tell me about the natural disaster? Tell me about the flood, the famine, the wild friends? Tell me about the hurricane? Tell me about the tsunami? Tell me about your village that was destroyed? Tell me about the Tower Block theat burn down? Tell me about the negligent council? Tell me about the corporate greed of building manufacturers? Tell me about the burning of the witches? Tell me about womens rights? Tell me about menstruation? Tell me about land rights and why we haven’t got any? Tell me about the enclosures act. Tell me about Apartheid? Tell me that your grandfather survived the holocaust? Tell me about microaggressions. Tell me how you identify? Tell me what education means for you? Tell me what it was like to grow up in a cult? Tell me what it was like to grow up in a propaganda state? Tell me why Nelson Mandla was useless. Tell my why nothing has changed? Tell me about capitalism? Tell me about the anti-human system? Tell me about the perils of plane travel? Tell me about cultural appropriation?. Tell me about extractive economies and why they are harmful? Tell me about child labour? Tell me about slave labour? Tell me about emotional labour? Tell me about civil rights and freedom of expression?  Tell me about the refugees? Tell me about the neverending war? Tell me about nuclear weapons? Tell me about the Middle East Peace Process? Tell me what it means to be Palestinan? Tell me what it means to be Israeli? Tell what its like to work in antarctica? Tell me how your white privilege in fucking up the world? Tell me about plant medicines? Tell me about your psychedelic trip? Tell me how iowaska saved you life? Tell me about the impacts of chickpea farming and biofuel? Tell me why Tesla are bastards? Tell me why everyone else is wrong? Tell me the ways in which I can violently agree with you? Tell me about dehumanising language. Tell me how to change my language and use my words? Tell  me how controlling and annhiliting other peoples, communities, religion is necessary? Tell me why you only wear underpants woven out of your own pubic hair? Tell me why it is everybody else but you? Tell me why your frequency sucks and your life is a mess? Tell me why you will never be successful and we are all doomed? Tell me why you are a stoner and cannabis is the answer? Tell me why your right to alcohol is more important than a woman’s right to be safe? Tell me about your civil liberties? Tell me about your land trauma? Tell me about crime? Tell me about poverty? Tell me about connectivity poverty? Tell me why you haven’t got data? Tell me about the benefits of Cannabis? Tell me about the 1%. Tell me about education privilege? Tell me about the rights of the dead? Tell me about disabled access? Tell me about braille libraries. Tell me about clean water. Tell me about all of it, from the beginning to the end. Tell me the long story? Tell me the short version? Tell me where you lost your humanity? Tell me where you found it? Tell me what you dream of? Tell me what you love? Tell me what you aspire too?

Then after everything has been said that needs to be said. Feel it feel it all and just when you think you are finished, done,  completed. Then and only then act on it.  That the undervalued Art of In-Action.

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Process, Uncategorized

Trauma Informed

Trauma Informed I don’t think I even knew it was a thing until I started using it as a hashtag. It’s funny the things that I know that I now presume that other people know, just because I know it.

Trauma Informed is exactly what it says on the tin. It’s being informed about trauma. It probably sounds incredibly complicated? Messy or indeed difficult to work with. I come to this conclusion because I have found my own experience of trauma quite isolating. Nobody is interested in helping you with your trauma. It’s considered to be a social pariah much like depression was a few years ago. Nobody wants to hear about your shit, it is an inconvenience to what could have been a nice day. Few people have the skills to listen to unrestrained emotion that often comes with the trauma loop. How do you break the cycle. I’ve been feeling a bit sorry for myself this week.

It takes a concerted form of effort to become a trauma healer. It takes patience, the ability to witness rage, live within the transformative nature of the more extreme emotions and hold space for people there. To accept all emotions as valid and equal. That whatever someone has to say is true. It is their truth and you would be at pains to deny it. Being trauma Informed is the simple act of accepting that everything that everybody says is true. It’s astoundingly that simple. What if you just believed somebody? And didn’t desire to get your needs met through the desire to be seen, heard or acknowledged yourself?  I know it’s just a wee bit revolutionary.

Right now, as I write this I am bordering on the edge of raging. Internalising a long held dialogue about the trauma bonded relationships that I have had and how they have manifested. How the stagnating shadows of others can be mistaken as your own.

The thing is as much as we’d like to believe that trauma can stem from unanticipated events in my experience it is far more likely to stem from dysfunctional family systems as a result of systemic trauma. That an appreciation of the systemic tends to speed up the healing process. Of course trauma healing is complex. Yet I  continue to say that it is witnessing, listening and hearing of trauma stories that leads to the deeper understanding of trauma.

These days though much trauma work is hidden under the guise of both physical and mental illness. As what psychologist would state as the presenting issue. The real trick to trauma work is you quickly and deftly move past the presenting issues. Presenting issues being things such as anxiety, depression, burnout, chronic fatigue and even Fibromyalgia. There is now increasing evidence to suggest that these ‘Illnesses’ or dis-ease can now me better understood through neuroplasticity in the brain. Through learned dysfunction trauma responses the are hardwired into the brain such as addiction, narcissism and even tendencies of abuse. That most of these ingrained Hardwires are informed by primitive brain functioning. Fight or flight responses that are dependent on adrenal secretion and in fact adrenaline addiction to survive. That the treatment of trauma is largely about getting people to experience their limbic systems for the first time and indeed get them into working with high functionality by engaging the higher brain. Fucked up and true story, it’s like trying to run a car engine on coal fuel. It is this kind of information that large swaths of the population are desperately in need of in order to take control of their emotional and physical health. Yet much of the medical profession are in deep denial about the corrupt medical systems that keep ‘patients’ dependent on unnecessary medication. When tea and a good chat might suffice.

Uncategorized

Collective Evolution & Futures

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Life lives in the cracks.

Several months ago I was standing on my balcony in Cape Town looking at an avocado seed sprouting the beginnings of new life, witnessing how perfect it was. That it had taken generations of avocado life cycles to produce such a well-formed seed. I occurred to me that this seed was demonstrative of collective evolution and that it must retain some form of collective consciousness to have developed in such a way. It was astounding to me that this seed was capable of transferring information through the invisible.

It feels much the same way right now with human consciousness. We are plugged into the power of collective consciousness in such an interesting time of planetary evolution. That we are all connected to everything, that we can’t separate ourselves from one another. That our feelings are all mixed together and that none of our feelings are either isolated or anomalous. They all belong here in this time.

So many cycles and patterns are folding in on themselves. The pattern of our anti-human behaviour, whether it be how we relate to race, gender, culture and nature as a whole. Whether we are experiencing the waxing and waning of the moon or being balled over by these supercharged eclipses. There is an acknowledging going on as much as there is an awakening.

That right now more than ever our collective trauma inherited and lived are all mixed up and mixed in with one another. We seem to be continually asking ourselves is it just me? As we breakdown and breakthrough. I’ve just been asked as part of a workshop by Robin Lim and exceptional Birthkeeper to write a letter about this time to read in 9 months. Yes we are rebirthing individually and as a collective. It’s incredible to live in such a historical time. To wonder where we might be in a year or five or even fifty as a result of this shift? As I think back to other pivotal moments in history. That seems to be being presented again and again, as we seem to be dancing with fascism all over. Yet still we live our lives day by day only able to deeply connect to the immediacy of the people and causes around us. Yes I was there. Yes,  I am here witnessing writing, living breathing. Wondering what the next 9 months might bring as I untangle my collective karma. The unperformed rituals, the missed rights of the lost placenta and the unmarked graves of the long-dead and the abandoned long living. So much to remember to forget, record, release and even heal. That can only be done with speaking unspoken truths and collective revelations.

What I do know form that avocado is that we are driven by a benevolent force that is committed to our betterment.

Process, Uncategorized

The Birthing Process

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The blossom on the tree is not the end product yet it is the most beautiful part of the process. It seems to tell us a story about beauty that it is the blossoming. That real value can be hidden from us that the red flesh of the cherry tree might warn of danger yet if you are brave enough to bite through the dangerous flesh you will find delcious fruit

Right up until this week the primary focus of my work as The Life Doula has aways been Emotional Labour. Louiza Doran very kindly reminded me of.  Emotional Labour is largely the work or women and is the internal unpaid work we have to do in order for The System to function effectively. In addition to this Emotional Labour is our way to embody our collective wisdom, it also the way in which we navigate our own trauma; release and mitigate it on behalf of the collective. I was first introduced to Emotional Labour via a friend Natalie Swan, who had been reading Emergent Strategy by Adrienne Maree Brown (which I still haven’t read yet due to the clusterburach that was 2019). Part of that Emotional Labour has been the slow-moving realisation that there just hasn’t been the language or terminology to explain what I do. Which left me somewhat forlorn and frustrated in my slow diligent movement forward through life. I’ve been delighted to discover that the language that I am looking for is that of decolonisation. And beyond this I discovered a knew word this week epistemic – relating to knowledge or the degree of it’s validation.

Mental & Emotional health have been colonised by the limited insight of science that is bound up in matter. The only way I have been able to explain The Life Doula being “that you wouldn’t leave someone in labour. Why would you leave someone in emotional pain?”

In the process of becoming The Life Doula I have had to unlearn and challenge much of what I have been told is true. That one-hour sessions are optimum so that clients don’t learn dependency. That offering too much value undermines the financial stability of your business. The thing is I’m interested in healing. In ways that only The Great Pause could highlight. Our world is fucked because we failed to pay proper attention or take due care. That all of my work and the approach that I take is painstakingly considered through the teaching of my own healing journey. Now the science is catching up with my own theory and I find that I have allies in the shared work of trauma healing. To my disbelief, I stand on the precipice of being an educator nor just a dessentor.

You see the informal healing culture of the west is covert, as it has needed to be to survive. “You’ll be needing a cup of tea” is short form code for you’ll be needing a long chat and some ritual connection. We have always known how to heal each other. It’s that our wisdom has been removed from us in favour of the linear precision of the surgeon’s knife. We would rather have things cut out of us than gently resolve our inner wars through presence of mind.

Our healing challenges are now systemic. That we have outsourced our intuition, sovereignty and our ability to heal; to people that have no connection to us. Our being, our lives, our place. That somehow the human spirit and body is one miraculous generic creation that can be ‘fixed’. I think not. This is why I am a doula, not a coach. I’m not interested in your productivity, functionality or civilisation. I’m interested in the jagged edges of your soul and how they cut you to ribbons at night, silently in the dark where your screams consume you. Maybe this can be best described as your Emotional Labour. Now we long for something else beyond the pain of oppression, repression and survival. We long to be heard honoured and cared for. These radical ideas of worth are the decolonisation of a species. The decolonisation of a planet. Where the forced extraction economies of Mother Gaia may be coming to an end, it’s all very symbolic.

One of the most valuable lessons that I have learned this year is that you can’t have true love without respect. Which seem very pertinent as I start my Birth Doula training. You can’t extract a baby and the creation of one under force isn’t recommended. All creativity stems from vulnerability both sex and birth are representative of this act. The truth is you can’t achieve human life through human individuation, nor can you achieve optimum human status without the support of community. It is our human connections that make us capable of bearing human life, as well as bearing the wait of pregnancy. Like everything birth and birthing are a process. Where it is once again hard to know where is begins and ends. Where thresholds are crossed both literally and metaphysically, a baby is born, just as the mother is birthed. Birthing is painful, life is painful. It is also exquisite, miraculous, beautiful and extraordinary as The Great Pause is amplifying that stillness, waiting and gestation all hold purpose. Nothing is conceived fully formed. Where would the fun be in that anyway? We have to honour what emerges.

I started out this year following a theme of rebirth returning to Scotland after several years abroad. What occurs to me now is that I am deep in a birthing process; is that I am only now creating a life, a practice and knowing that I conceived years ago. That I was not ready to bear. The deep truth that I was not ready to bear being me and all the very real things that I would have to lose in order to find respect aka love. That the birthing process is one of love, protection and care that cannot be commodified and doesn’t belong in a system that wishes to do so. That my real work is birthing the sacred in all of us where birth, death and trauma are inextricably linked.  Where the light meets the dark and the shadows create the sparkles.

If you want to find out more about my work with the The Red Tent Doulas please do get in touch. In the meantime please enjoy the below meditation from The Soul Matrix

Process, Uncategorized

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

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Twilight under the Salisbury Craigs and I wonder why they bear this name? It’s certainly triggering a little bit of systemic trauma.

Aye that. It’s an illness that’s trending (well was). I can tell you that. Guess what they found a name for being proper fucked up beyond Gulf War Syndrome. Yup and a lot of us have it and we don’t even know it. If you have it you are a human superstar. It means you have lived life at the extreme more than once. Either actively or passively and you still survived. Good job!

I started writing this before the time of Covid 19 and now as I progress through my work for the next few months my pre-scheduled topics for the next few weeks, it’s going to be interesting how these topics pan out. You see before I was writing about all of this stuff in the time of normal. In the time of being outdoors, talking to people in person and having an attainable mission in life. Now all of that has changed. It seems it’s the perfect time to be bathing in our trauma. Why? Because we finally have time to do so. This time is time for healing. It’s a time for retreat. It’s a time to heal the soul and bring everything back into harmony.

Trauma is something I’ve been managing for years, even in the time of Covid when all is calm on the home front dissociation can be rife scatteredness can lose me as my brain tries to connect to itself.

For me, the main cure is sleep (if you can) and some better friends. There are some great online Facebook groups. If you’ve been involved with a or even some narcissists you might want to check out Melanie Tonia Evans. She got some great stuff on this. If you are experiencing flashback get on the EMDR it really works. TRE is also a great way to work with your body I have never done any extensive work with it what I can tell you though is that I used to suffer from disassociative fits. That means you are totally stressed to fuck and TRE gave me the ability to understand my boy in new ways. If you want to find out more about somatic experiencing then you can also check Iren Lyon. I also thoroughly recommend looking into the work of Mastin Kipp he’s the first person that I came across that truly gets it. If you are too traumatised to deal with him I’d say your next stop in me. Yes me. If of course, you live in the Edinburgh area. (I’m in the process of updating all my stuff after a big move) If you are in another are globally I mean then get in touch and I’ll do my best to let you know who I think is well informed and good in your area. I’ll put the shout out.

When it comes to healing trauma the number one thing is connection. (Please don’t throw your phone across the room) I understand how enraging that can feel when you are totally isolated. I know it’s shit, and it sucks. You can go eat the ice cream or lie on the floor if that’s what’s going to make you feel better. If this is where you are. All you need to focus on is feeling better. What makes you feel better. Do that until you get bored. When you get bored you are ready to feel different and that’s great. Anyways if you’re not there. It’s all about connection if not with other people with yourself. How do you feel? What makes you happy. What is happiness anyway? Do I like my clothes? It’s ok to hate yourself it’s not ok to pack up and live there. Look for colours and objects and things that make you feel safe. If you have a friend call them. If they are good friend keep calling them if they make you feel shit, don’t.

Process, Uncategorized

Self Healer

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There’s has been a lot of rainbow weather lately. I’m going to miss this as follow through on my commitment as a Self Healer. Remember lots of people live lives of isolation and desolation daily.

Yes that is me. I’m fucked up too. I’m traumatised too. No I don’t have all the answers and even if I did I wouldn’t tell them to you anyway. Yup it’s fucked up being fucked up.

All those marketers say to tell your story, make yourself vulnerable and as a Systemic Trauma Specialist I say bollocks to that. You know why? Because I’m trauma-informed. We tell our stories in the hope of being heard. That people will both consider and validate our experiences, views or opinions and the truth is they don’t always. The internet is not a safe place. It’s not safe for women. Yet here we are asked to bare all in the hope of attracting, a following, a tribe, a crowd, a mob. All this when we actually have a word for trolling.

We have to be brave to tell our stories to be unheard, ignored, overlooked, criticised, mocked, ridiculed and even humiliated then carry on telling them anyway. You see we need to be partway to healed with a minuscule droplet of self-belief in order to survive the process. This is what it really means to be a Self Healer. It’s having to go against the mob when you are at your most vulnerable. You have to take on those arrows of misfortune and pull them out your back one by one. While everybody is shouting die.

Of course I believe in the best of humanity and that is because I have learned from the worst. I’ve learned from the property developers, the business leaders, the corporate managers, educators, and even the well-meaning exactly how cruel the world can be. People with power prescribe how they are going to help people, largely by deciding who is the most deserving, because they have the power to do so. Abuse of power is rife and most of us have given up our divine sovereignty for a monthly paycheck. We are employed doing things that go against our values or even common sense inflicting undue pain on our immediate and planetary communities.

This is what it really means to be a self healer it’s to pick up your pain and stop inflicting it on anybody else. It’s all about mitigating your trauma and recognising that trauma is largely systemic. When I fully understood this, that I couldn’t consume my way out of it, my only choice was to take what measures I could to detox from a toxic system. That I had to change everything that I believed conscious and subconscious. That I had to dig through all the ways that I had been programmed for somebody else’s benefit. That I had to claim my own humanity for my own sanity. That I had to be kind to myself, supportive of myself because love is the revolution.

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Systemic Collapse, it’s here.

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The view from the bedroom window as we begin the process of social distancing.

I heard the news this week that a good friend of mine had finally secured some land for growing willows where they could live out the end of there days as a basket weaver. It’s a delightful story  I’m sure you’ll agree. I congratulated them on their commitment to the revolution, that includes many key elements like slow the fuck down, stay local, grow your own food and do you know your neighbours? Forcing us to aks the much bigger question like do you like where you are?

It’s been a question many of us have been asking as we chose to travel the world looking for better places to be all without taking on the full consequences of our actions. That includes me. Honestly, I was well into my twenties before I realise the impact or air travel on our environment or even seriously started to consider where my food came from. Back then it was all about food miles and now it’s all about community resilience.  Here we are at the end of capitalism and many of us are still living in a bubble where we have very deliberately chosen not to engage with collective responsibility. As we jet set from one global conference to another, barely conscious of the communities we live in and how they might function in a period of systemic collapse.

Systems collapse is here and for me it’s exciting. It’s the real stuff of life. The imagined structures of the world are exactly that, imagined. There are no effective borders for air born illness. We live in a planetary system. We know we can’t eat money. It certainly can’t cure Covid 19 and yet we worship this imaginary substance, that is nothing more than a digital commodity, that has no other purpose than control what people can or can’t do. Imagine if everything was free. Imagine if living was free. What would we be doing then? Most of us would be resting. Most of us would be in deep recovery after centuries of abuse. If our worth wasn’t caught up in money or the idea of productivity. A very different world is now emerging where community resilience is key. More than that where human connection is at the forefront of how we interact. How are many of us going to live if we actually have to stop? What is going to come up for us? That we are isolated? That we are alone? That it’s uncomfortable? That we need to make changes to our lives that doesn’t involve chasing down a mystical cash cow. What if you just did what you love? What if just if you believed that rest was resistance and it’s powerful? What if we just change how we thought about everything even ourselves. what if we didn’t have to call it fancy things like systemic change or human-centred design? What if we deeply took on board how interconnected and interdependent things are. So that when we have global emergencies governments didn’t have the power to make decisions that might condemn us all to death with on decision. It’s too much power for any one person to have. These are decisions that need to be taken collectively and we must all play our part.