Process, Uncategorized

Emotional Landscape

Hmmm I would have thought that I had written this one already. It seems not. How it missed it off of the top 100 of The Life Doula usable phrases I have no idea. How it has failed to make into blog post noteriaty is beyond me, given that it is one of the core tenants of the work I do. Maybe it’s because it so close to emotional m I didn’t think it was necessary. This morning I have already been writing You Are Here, about where you stand on the map of your life. What you need to know about what surrounds you in order to make more powerful better informed choices. Not sure if I explained the power of You Are Here as succinctly as I did here. Note to self. Anyway I referenced emotional landscape a lot in that post/article and I thought I better follow up on what it actually means. As I am sure references to emotional landscape in pop culture are at best rare. You see it’s been a journey this blog itself is called process because I don’t always know where I am or where my emotional journey might take me. How can I when I don’t know where I am? In fact writing gives me the greatest opportunity to discover where I am and that is why I do it. The process laid bare. How are we supposed to know where we are if we don’t think or talk about it? That’s my vibe.

You see as humans we are constantly and continualy dealing with the unseen. The unseen can be expressed, understood, suppressed, repressed, invisible, ignored, incommunicable and even preverbal. The unseen realms are all about feeling. What can’t be felt lives in the unconscious shadow. In recent years there has been an explosion in shadow workers and now more recently trauma practicioners (of which I am one). I didn’t start this journey knowing I was either. All I knew is that I wanted to help people feel and talk about emotional health rather than mental health. That emotions were the key to feeling and healing everything.

That to me, is what emotional landscape is. It’s the place where you reside within your soul. The landscape that no one else can see, that only you feel, that often acts as a barrier to conecting with others. You see our emotional landscapes often don’t look like the ones you see on T.V. (who watches T.V. anymore?) The emotional landcape can be dark, confusing, cloudy, messy and most of all unnamable. We dont know how to talk about our souls unless someone gives us language to do so. The language that we are taught quite often doesn’t match the langauge that we have. We think love is scary or family is safe. The beach is happy or that clowns are funny. Each of our emotional landscapes is highly unique to us and can often feel non-translateable. Until of course we find that painting, that song, that film that somehow expresses the unsayable for us. More confusingly every day, every moment is different as life is fluid. We can be on the edges of bliss one day and exploding with anger the next. We can be dancing with excitment and wrestling with peace at the same time. Our emotional landscape is caught up with oximorons that can make us feel insane. The world is supposed to be structured and finite, not random and fluid and yet it can be both sumoultaniusly. No wonder we get confused or feel lost, lonely isoloated and lot of the time. You see we haven’t understood our invisible emotional landscape and until we do we are never going to find ourselves, where we are and head in the direction we want to be going.

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Process, Uncategorized

You Are Here

Last year 2020 (Yes that one) I started out on creating a free course called The Free Buffett, that could be used by those experieincing trauma. 2020 being the year that it was my course didn’t get very far off the ground, even though the ground work was there. This year after reassessing it’s contents I decided to use the course segments titles to inspire each of my weekly blog posts. The first of these titles being ‘You Are Here’. It’s a stange title to begin with, I know, yet if I explain it it might begin to make more sense. You see it really is quite straight forward. You are here. Right here exactly where you are. You exist and it seems like a very good place to get started, in the quest to both heal trauma and the journey to reclaim your infinte power. It’s a really exciting concept. That no matter where you are? There you are. If you know where you are you might be able to figure out where you are going. I thought it was quite a funny title as it made me think of one of those tourist maps that you find at an amusement park or country park. We often don’t know where we are standing unless we have taken the time to look. It’s a strange question too as we often don’t think about our lives in terms of where we are. We don’t think about the unseen landscape that surrounds us. And there is one.

You see all our lives are made up of multiple elements from how we feel? Who we are in relationship with? Where we live? and what we think? Life can be super complicated and we carry so many unspoken things it can be difficult to to even consider the emotional landscape within us. Much less express it or convery it to sombody else. Often we just don’t have the resources and in particular time to understand, appreciate and acknowledge how we are feeling. Where we are? Where we are going? or where we want to be?

You see when we grow up in traumatised landscapes we often don’t have access to the feelings we need to make a better life for ourselves. In fact much of our positive emotions are considered to be toxic. Joy can be scary, happiness dangerous. hope deceitful. What happens to our inner landscapes when nothing every changes? Nothing gets better? When everyone around us is stuck and we are trapped along with them? Trying to get out, leave or take a step in different, new or upward direction can be terrifying. It can feel like any form of movement might kills us.

Obviously this might not be you. I totally get that. What I am really asking is; Do you know where you are? If you were to draw a map of your life where do the monsters live? Are the gremlins inside your head allocated a reasonable amount of space to speak and if so where do they meet? Where does fear live in your everyday life? What brings you joy? What make you happy? Where do you find peace? What are you seeking to experience and where do you think you will find it? If you were in perfect flow where would you flow too with and inbetween? It’s time to open up your emotional landscape and take the next best step you can even if that just means reading the map for a little while. It’s nice to get some options of where you would like to go. Remember when the scary places on the map seemed like the most exciting?

If you are interested to find out more about where you are you can find out more about Emotional Mapping you check out The Life Doula Shop

Process, Uncategorized

Radical Acceptance Circle

Well I need some Radical Acceptance right now it’s abotu 1 am in the morning and I’m tryign to ine up a years worth of email sending in order to buy time to do a MRes in Human Geography. Like seriously I feel like I am gaslighting myself as to whether this process and line of action is even possible at this poitn of the game. Bar 1 essay thus far everything I’ve submitted has been late. yet I am still doing the best I can and forging on, failing hard. Yet here I am writing my future. At least we can see where my priorities lie. It certianly isn’t in impressing a whole bunch of university professors, though it would be rather lovely to pass.

Anyways I have got somewhat of a dirty little secret to share. I’ve been running a circle and I haven’t told you about it. Mainly because it was started in service of a select group of doulas. Now it would appear that this time has come to open it up to everybody. So if you would like to join a circle of people every Monday and Friday that are deeply into some radical acceptance you are more than welcome to join us to cry, wail, keen, scream and well whatever you would like really. I’d love to tell you all about, However I working on a ‘manuscript’ and I would hate to spoil the surprise. When I’m ready to add a pre-order button on the finished product I’ll be sure to let you know. 2020 was tough and if we are truly honest it looks like 2021 is going to get a bit tougher. Click through to sign-up for the Radical Acceptance Circle it runs on a donation basis though there is absolutly no obligation to donate. You are free to join us however whenever. It’s all about the Wellbeing Economy you know.

I’m in the process of setting up and integrated trauma wise community, which you can access through my Healing Humans Facebook Group Please be aware that once in this group you might be exposed to some rather mindbending information, after all exapanding conscioussness is and extensive part of the job of a healer. So yeah see you on the flip side or say hello to Janice my higher-self, she’s great, much wiser than I am.

If you have enjoyed reading this article you can donate here or check out my shop for services.

Process, Uncategorized

Trauma Bomb

Well I’m sure somewhere in my badly executed media strategy I had a concept of all the issues that might revolve around the idea of Feral. My new Systemic Healing Circle for anybody that actually gives a shit about current world affairs. Where I was going to outline very intelligently all the ways in which the Feral concept came into being. About wildness, re-wilding, where in the meantime some of us (aka me) never managed to get fully sytemised in the first place. Like a feral cat that didn’t get exactly what they wanted out of system, that was supposedly designed to support them I was all and am still all too ready to tear the dysfunctional system apart if it didn’t serve me perfectly.

First of all this kind of approach and attitude to the system is highly indicative of personal trauma and second of all why the fuck is everyone else so compliant? There are more questions too that include: Is it just me? Why can’t you just get along? Accompanied by deeper musings… if the system doesn’t serve everybody does it serve anybody? You see that is the challenge with systems (speaking as somebody that just spent a week of her life scheduling emails for the year) they don’t work for everybody. As human components of the system when we meet people that don’t fit into our agenda, the trajectory of an organisation or the guiding principles of society we tend to ignore, overlook, dimiss, silence, reject, remove, exile and even kill the people that don’t agree. Fucking scary right? Why do we do that? Because its uncomfortable, inconvenient, disruptive, time consuming, difficult and ultimately embarassing to admit that we don’t have all the answers, nor are we capable of delivering all the solutions. That the rules, the law and ‘our’ procedures don’t work for everybody. That actually the system denies our humanity by denying many of the humans that belong to it. And you know what? We do this mainly all in the name of progress.

As I am sure that I have written this multiple times the micro informs the macro. The challenges that we have globally are relational. That the system rejects the interpersonal as significant and engrains, neglect, abuse and trauma into systemic relations. This is why I often tend to talk about the anti-human system. There is so much programming that fuels these kind of behaviours it’s hard to accept that for the most part we are contributing to the toxic systems that keep people at best stuck and at worst traumatised. The real trick is figuring out where we are perpetuting harm in a toxic system. And more than this where we are silently complicit. This week (tonight in fact) I start the Feral Systemic Healing Circle, which morphed and developed from a few approches that included the idea of a group called Complicit Anonoymous (that never got off the ground). The premis of Complicit Anonymous was that most of us with any ____________ (insert applicable word here) know that we cause harm and are contributing to societal collapse, the 6th mass extinction and climate change. Most of us are all operating in systems that largely refuse to ancknowldege the ways in which they cause harm. From the single mother that won’t receive a wellfare check to the petrochemical dependency of most companies and yet we choose to carry on buisness as usual. Where there are so many things to stand up for so many injustices to fight against it’s fucking exhasuting. Yet we carry these burdens as we too remain trapped in the cycle of perpetuating economic growth and maintain economic power by controlling resources, such as land access. Yet at the same time impacting basic resources such as air. The consumptive behaviour of the money classes and developed countries are having dire consequencies of the air quality of the systemically abused and ‘developing’ economies. Yet we carry on. Of course I am as guit as the next person. The challege is that all these behaviour are interconnected and intersectional as we try to build a way out of the Systemic Trauma Bomb that we have created.

Why is this artilce called Trauma Bomb I often write about how the personal informs the planetary. Last week I witnessed and experieinced what I can only be describe as a trauma bomb. It’s where two or more emotional triggers and thus unresolved trauma meets and blows up. It was an interpersonal relational masterpiece of destruction that threw most of if not all of my work schedule totally of schedule. It would have been great to ignore it. It would have been great to deny that my unrecognised trauma, the previously unseen shadow had anything to do with it, ignore the other persons issue and of course bythly carry on. That wasn’t possible. No matter how bad the circumstances. How dire the consequences of an emotional outburst, explosion or trauma bomb is we have to take the time to work with the trauma, acknowledge the pain and find new strategies. Nobody, not even a trauma doula is going to get it right all of the time, especially when we are working with our shadows, the things that we can’t see. You see shadow work gets complicated when we start to understand collective shadow work or even just the shadow of the companies organisations we work for or even run. You see what are the trauma bombs of thes organisations, companies and structures when their shadows meet. I think we are seeing these play out perfectly in the USA right now. Where corporate media fails to take repsonsibily for promoting and endorising very traumatised man and encouraging all his traumatised followers while denying the legitmacy of Black Lives Matter. Racism is systemic trauma. Yet the USA seems to be living a polarity of full scale systemic trauma denial that is engrained into most of it’s insitutions. Why won’t Mike Pence get rid of Trump?

That’s why my spelling is wobbly, I’m not trying to hide that I am dyslexic. I’m actively exposing my shadow. Why do I say I’m traumatised frequently? So it liberates you to say it too. Trauma is the real pandemic. In a society built on privilige, competion and capitalism Letting everyone know where all the gremlins are puts me at a major disadvantage. I’m absolutely fucking certain that numerous people have judged me for the quality of my output. Indeed totally bypassed it. I thank you. Language and presentation even though I have forgetten to mention it numerable times in my writing is a key componant of Systemic Trauma. Saying you could do better? If you just paid a bit more attention to your work? or the killer “Can you speak english please?” The answer to that question is no I can’t. Are you listening properly? Are you paying attention? Can you see where your biases, your prejudice and your biggotory yet? If I waited until I met your standards I would never have gotten started and indeed the terror of being judged for my seeming laziness or lack of attention has prevented me from flourishing far sooner in life. So yes here we are all complit in a toxic system, looking for a way out we can’t buy. If you are looking for solutions it’s time to sign-up to Feral Systemic Healing Circle.

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Process, Uncategorized

Feral

I’m fairly confident that I have not written about this before. I’ve got no idea why, given that its’ been burning though my brain as an idea ever since forever ago. Like alot of the ideas I have. Anyways I’m really excited about this one. Let me say this very clearly, I am feral. I don’t belong in the system and my natural environment has been destroyed and well it’s left me somewaht untameable. That might be how you youd describe me if I was an animal, and then of course I am. Human’s are animals, we certainly seem to follow our worst impulses a lot of the time (that will be the trauma). And yes most of live very far outside the confines of our natural envirnoment, most of us don’t even have access to a natural water source these days, especially if we live in cities. We are forced to drink chlorine for our own good.

You see I got a bit pissed of with all these re-wilding wild women posts, projects and groups that seemed to need a matching head dress to go with you mass produced slave labour arm bands in order to feel free. What true wild human have you met that has a warddrobe of accesories that are weather essentials? Anyways I should probably stay quiet here. My bad attitude hardwire is being to shine through after a rather intesne week. That’s my problem that is why I might describe my self as feral. I don’t fit into the system, in fact it terrifies me that so many people do. I’m literally lost as to how people keep together such a distinct and fuck-up socital lie. Except of course for paychecks. That’s how. Would anybody like to talk abour corruption? We are courrupt. Remember you can’t eat money? Universal enslavement has been a thing for a while now. As I’m sure any Marx theorist will tell you. So yeah I called bullshit on the system a long time ago. I didnt’ like it going in and I’ve broken the heels of all the pretty shoes I have doing the best I can to stay out. In fact I’ve nearly destroyed myself to be non-complict in the system’s anti-human ways. So yes fuck the system. Fuck the system hard.

It’s not very productive though is it? So I’ll internalise capitalism and keep on writing. So if you are disruptor an interested in Personal Activism and Systemic Healing you can sign up to join the Feral Systemic Healing Circle which convenes on or around every new moon of 2021.

If you have enjoyed reading this article you can donate here or check out my shop for services.

Process, Uncategorized

Trauma Wise

It’s 2021. Who new that would feel like such an achievement. We’ve survived the first stage of the Zombie Apocolypse. Now it’s time to get real about the future of the the human species. Where our survival might fit in both individually and collectively. For me that’s everything to do with trauma work. What we need to learn about ourselves and what we need to heal in order to move forward with a little bit of grace. Up until now I would have used the term Trauma-Informed to describe the Trauma Wise process and realise that we need new language if we are going to really understand trauma at all. We all have the innate abiltiy to heal from trauma, we aren’t told that though are we? That is fact trauma responses are the most natural thing in the world and getting to grips with them is purely a matter of creating mutal respect and learning about consent. What do we consent to? Why do we consent? What is tacit consent? And how does tacit consent make us complicit in toxic systems, even if they are just family ones? What are we creating in our lives that generates trauma? How do we heal from trauma if given the space and time to. Primarily trauma healing is all about our relationship with our body. How our brain is functioning. If we are running on our adrenal system and what is stored in our muscle memory. Trauma healing is actually about listening to our bodies and allowing it to tell the story of what happened to us.

What if we were safe? What if we were heard and what if the environments we live in were designed for a peaceful human existance in harmony with nature? What if our bodies were a reflection of our environments? What if our bodies were implicit and complicit in creating the toxic environments that surround us? You see becoming Trauma Wise is accepting your place in the macro and that you are indeed a micro unit resposible for creating the macro environment. That trauma is both interior and exterior to family systems. That family systems are not soley responsible for the truama that you carry. That trauma is systemic.

Over the next year I am going to be using these blog posts to outline the most basic understanding of trauma, to create a personal intervention and promote personal activism. Trauma can be treated both proactively and retroactively simoultaniously. As humans we have the ability to move back and forwards through time transforming trauma. That should we wish to do so we can transform ourselves personally, generationally, ancestrally, systemically and even planetarily if given the tools to do so. If you would like to learn more about trauma, how to heal it and how to support others through trauma you can follow this blog for more infomation. If you want to take a more proactive approach you can sign up to any or all of three circles that I run below as part of a wellbeing economy approach. (In other words don’t let money get in the way of attending.

Radical Acceptance Circle

Trauma Wise Circle

Feral Systemic Healing Circle

If you have enjoyed reading this article you can donate here or check out my shop for services.