Exponential personal growth has been a massive feature in my life over the last 2 years. Over the last few weeks I have been witnessing my programming change. That for the last few years I am becoming increasingly savvy at figuring out what is my stuff and what is other people stuff. Creating clear boundaries and operating from a space of compassion without enabling. Which is can be very easy with clients. Yet increasingly difficult within the personal relationships and friendships that I’ve been growing within over the last few years. All of a sudden I’ve been finding glitches in the system and I have felt for the last few days that I have been merging old and new files of myself within relationships. Who I am and who I was, who I can be and how everyone benefits. That the programmes of the past no longer serve me in my future.
It many ways it might appear that I am becoming what would classically be described as more selfish. That word alone makes me begin to understand how quickly and how early we are trained out of fulfilling our own needs. That somehow me buying myself flowers could be a whole host of things from uppity to attention-seeking or even doing it to make someone else feel bad. Not today, not in this home but you can feel where this is coming from, can’t you? That if nobody loves you enough to buy your flowers then why should you buy yourself flowers? Creating a cycle of depreciating personal value in your life.
What is more, other words than selfish are creeping into my insight of the shadow. I witnessed more and more how poorly the words manipulative and complaining are being banded around in response to emotion. If woman or children cry for example it is often classed and manipulative, in order for them to get her way. Or even when someone says how they feel “I don’t feel you are listening to me” “Stop complaining”. These words as defence weapons largely by people that have no connection with there own emotional landscape. It’s kind of like watching someone who’s been jagged by a thorn lashing out a thorn tree without removing the thorn. Painful very very painful to watch. As we see so many online videos of how to negotiate emotions with children it becomes clearer to me that who is doing this for the adults out there running the world and in need of so much more support than a paid therapist or councillor. Even who is looking after me? As I look round more and more I begin to understand it has to be me. That I have to learn to nurture myself deeply, on levels I have of yet to fully understand. That I need to get to my three-year-old self before anybody else can and ask her questions. A simple question like why are you standing outside a locked door waiting for someone who clearly hasn’t and isn’t showing up for you? My heart breaks for her and then all of a sudden I adult myself, who are you waiting for and why? How long have you been waiting? Then all of a sudden I realise I’ve been waiting for me and it’s my job to show up and care for myself in ways I never was. Love myself in ways only I know-how and trust the adult in my life, me.
Well, I can assure you that change is something I’m pretty good at with 34 house moves under my belt, I might even say that I am a master craftswoman or something like that. It’s something that many businesses and corporation go on about a lot these days, change management. Let’s face it the world has been speeding up for a while. Technology is outdated before it’s even hits the shelves and everybody wants to be everywhere all at once. FOMO seems to permeate the millennial life and more than that there is already a whole new generation getting ready to emerge. Millennials are already old news and insta perfect lives seems to a get to be a less manageable delusion. We all make mistakes. We all have bad days. Most of us crave more than we already have. Something different, something new, even if it is just that new restaurant that opened up in town. While other stick to the daily grind stay in their rat runs of existence and do there best to protect themselves for unseeable forces or simply embrace making the best lives that they can (Gold stars for them) My mother once said to me a long time ago that “Life is change”. My life of all people’s is certainly demonstrative of that.
For me right now it’s not so much what is going on for me in my personal life than is the challenge. It is the world at large. We often hear people talking about this period in history, as if nothing like this has ever happened before. Like religious, political, racial and gender persecution hasn’t been a thing. It is hard to acknowledge that it always has when we have experienced 75 years of relative peace in the western world. It’s so easy to forget that that peace is built on conflict. That the privileges that we have right now were developed in response to deep crisis and that most of the world systems have developed through exposure to disaster, whether it be in health, education or governance. Like Game of Thrones and the White Walkers, the biggest threat that we have right now is the preservation of life itself. It goes beyond what little scrap of Earth we may be able to dig out and protect for ourselves. It goes beyond our individual materialist needs and individual survival. It’s about land, waterways, communities and respect and believes that we are now on the very brink of a major paradigm shift where the world as we know it is about to change. Every ten years or so there seems to be a massive emergence of what we might call the radical left. Last time it was the Occupy Movement this time its Extinction Rebellion. Fundamentally what you need to know that movements evolve that many of the people involved in the Extinction Rebellion were involved in Occupy. The goal posts have moved somewhat but what you need to know is that the requirements for a successful resolution to our global challenges have not. What we need is a wellbeing economy that put the needs of the planet first. As The Life Doula, this is at the core of my work as I believe that in order for that change to happen that we need in essence to heal humans of the sickness of greed and the disconnection that fuels so much of our insecurities. That we need secure attachments, strong communities and the ability to sustain ourselves, having all the resources that we need for survival within walking distance. It’s time to get back to where we belong, in loving families, intentional tribes safe from the disruptive forces of capitalism.
Do you every get to a point where you think I might never nail this? I think that’s where I am today. I’ve got unfinished projects, new progressions and self-nurturance projectories that I just can’t keep up with. Then I fall back let go, look around and realise my head is driving me crazy. My life is great. I have enough insight to know that my life is on a gentle upward trend. I have a secure homes, running water (Which this time last year might have seemed an impossibility. Find out more here) money in the bank. More importantly I like myself and for someone who often feels like that there personality seems to be bouncy castle embedded with hidden razor blades I love myself plenty. I just have no idea what that looks like to the outer world. For the most part I don’t really care much about that, excpet of course I’m always doing my best to serve and love other people. Cause after all who wants to end up with a personality that’s a bouncey castle with hidden razors blades. quite frankly that’s a lot of what I deal with – Yes my personality me. Sometimes I wonder how it is that I make it into the future and other times I wonder how I used to managed that so well way back in the day.
Working for yourself is such a different ball game when it’s almost entirely customer facing and perfectionism isn’t the end goal. That you need to keep it real that you need to say. You know life? It’s fucking hectic and messy. There are so many things that act and do exactly what they want and they are wonderful. Sometimes I just want to follow my intuition down rabbit holes or do what’s easiest in stead of what’s hardest. That sometimes placating a situation is far easier than drawing lines in the sand. Every day feels like a negotiations tournament of priorities of me, my clients, my husband and then the things you own that own you. And of course then there are such things as the greater good. The collective will. Collective futures and better ideas of how life is. Then you stop and take it all in for a minute. I’m here for you. I really am. If you reach out to me I’ll pick up the phone, I’ll answer the mail and I’ll get to you where every you are if it your fucking falling apart and it bits and their is nobody else to call.
So from here on in – with my consistantly inconsistant self I’m letting me off the hook. Cause I live a real life where Mondays aren’t predictable. I don’t know most days what time my husband comes home from work (cause he does shifts) and well feelings are important to me. That my feelings almost always come first because thye dictate everything that I am and am able to do in the best possible way. That if I can manage my emotions. It might take coffee, it might take sleep or even some kind of meditation. If I can make that time for myself then fuck I’m doing the best you can and showing you what that looks like. That it’s part of a greater goal of what a wellbeing economy really looks like.
So this is an experimental post. Which is slightly different for a temperamental post. (Yes really it is) Sooooo you may have noticed last week that a wrote a whole story about my life what I do, Why I do it. It was supposed to inspire, uplift and possibly intrigue you enough to urge you into action. Yes really it was. That story brought me to the end of the Purple Chilli Accelerator 21 day programme that was intended to bring me closer to my real story than ever before. So that I can slowly bring together all the key elements of my “brand” in order to market to the right people more effectively. Are you rolling your eyes? Swiped left or pulled my classic which is scrolled to the bottom of the page to see how much more you might have to endure this befor clicking out? Anyways If your a member of my Healing Humans Group you will have learned from an article by James Clear that it’s all abut imporving systems, instead of setting goals. Deue to being flawesome I’m leaving this here my course work for the #purplechilliaccelerator as part of the process of re-reading and defining my story. If indeed interests you at all leave a loveheart (and I’ll explain more about that in the future). Yes fuck it’s long. I hope you’re life is too.
#purplechiliAcellerator#day2#thelifedoula I’m a Life Doula, I use coaching skills to help people navigate difficult times in their life. I offer ongoing free sessions every week to anybody who wants them and specialise in 3 hour coaching sessions. I like to get to the root of the cause of your distress quickly and longer sessions let me do that. What I really love about my business is that I literally get to live my best life doing what I enjoy most. Talking to people. I love talking to people learning about their lives and what makes them tick. Then finding the small solutions that make a big difference. What motivates me is knowing that I am changing the world one person at a time and that through my own personal commitment to love I am learning and growing every single day. My clients inspire me they are some of the most awesome people I have ever known who share in my commitment to healing themselves and the planet.
#purplechilliAccelerator#day3#thelifedoula My company helps my clients transform their emotional environments. You may think my company does coaching. What you might not know about us is that provide ongoing free support to anybody in need of emotional help. If you get into the heart of what I really do and why, you will find you’re dealing with a deeply authentic person who genuinely wants to make the world a better place for everyone.
#purplechilliAccelerator#day5#thelifedoula I am inspired by the beauty of life and the creativity of people. What I believe about my work is that above all it has the ability to improve every bodies quality of life. I am passionate about helping people discover who they really are.
#purplechilliaccelerator#day6#thelifedoula My why is bringing meaning to my own life journey by sharing my knowledge and experience with others. I started The Life Doula because I was inspired to create connection with everyday people and mitigate my one pain.
#purplechilliAccelerator#day7#thelifedoula I want all earthlings to have a vibrant and rich life. I do that by creating meaningful connections for humans. I offer free weekly coaching sessions and donation based coaching to humans that are ready to feel optimistic about themselves and our eco-logical future.
#purplechilliAccelerator#day8#thelifedoula I have always loved finding beauty. The reason that I get out of bed in the morning is the to embrace the slow gentle process of my own changing life and share it’s richness with others. I do what I do every day because deeper connection with the people and environment around us brings wisdom and a happier, healthier earth life experience.
#purplechilliAccelerator#day9#thelifedoula I believe we can change the world one person at a time and that that journey begins with me. Why is this important? Because the world needs radical transformation now. The old systems are in melt down and as humans we need to find our gifts and share them to that we can turn this shit around. I want everybody to experience good quality of life. I’m not really a Life Coach, I’m a Life Doula. I help people navigate difficult times in their lives using free ongoing support and donation based 3 hour coaching sessions. Working this way helps me break down systems that keep us chained and returning to a natural flow and ebb of the healing process. I free minds and I offer people the freedom to make their own choices informed by their own guidance.
#purplechilliAccelerator#day10#thelifedoula Radical Curator committed to evolution. Honest, Generous & Funny I want to find out what makes you tick. You can have a better life. Be the change you want to see in the world. I believe that life can be beautiful for everyone. Make time for change.
My Ideal Client Avatar (ICA) is not defined by Gender, is 13 – 70, it’s Complicated (because it nearly always is) is focused on the focused in The Human Legacy Project. Dreams of living Off-Grid as part of a integrated community. Hippie and Deliberate Co-Creator. The are interested in Sustainable Living, Yoga, Meditation, Community Activism, The Hemp Revolution, The Natural Environment, Cycling, Social Media, Creative Interests. The spend there spare time building connections that support The Human Project. The are most likely Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest users. The follow Barefoot Five, Afrikaburn, Greenpeace. The Human Project #Collective Futures. During there day there will be food the adheres to principles of #conciousconsumption reducing the #carbonfootprint#communityfocused Excercise, Spirituality, #nature#connection The goal is that one project that is going to change everything. The need help maintaining balance, changing the system. They love pictures of #ecoarchitecture and #changemaker quotes and #bulletjournals. They love people, nature, creative endeavours, local solutions on a global scale. There wear their own clothes that they picked for themselves and like all the time. They’d be on my team because without them we are all fucked. #opensource gets them excited, eating good food and sharing good content. I really want to work with #observatoryresident#actlocal They want to keep the dream of #sustainableliving alive. Marrying work life with the #authenticself#emotionalhealth#capacitybuilding#findingflow. I can connect with them in person through #wordofmouth and #socialmedia I help them build the sustainable life they dream of. I used word of mouth #freesessions and run a #donationbased business. Whoooooaaaahhhh got there.
#purplechilliaccelerator#day15#thelifedoula I was 18 and living in a high-rise flat in Glasgow when it first occurred to me that I could by myself out of the system. At 26 I realised that urban sprawl seemed to have no end game. That the planning process failed to account for environmental impact or engage communities effectively. That is was a global issue. This forced me on a journey of self-discovery and healing that resulted in me creating The Life Doula as it was Time For Change. I love work with people and communities. If you want to find out more why not check out my group Healing Humans https://www.facebook.com/groups/165008280785091
I was 18 and living in a high-rise flat in Glasgow when it first occurred to me that I could buy myself out of the system. At 26 I realised that growing urban sprawl seemed to have a very bad end game. That exponential growth on a planet with finite resources was at best impractical. That the current human system wasn’t humane and operated at the detriment of most people, families, communities and our natural environment. That these challenges were global. That we needed to find local solutions to global problems and that creating good infrastructure started with conscious communities. We had so many solutions yet were confused and divided at where to start our sustainable dream. Yet everything always seemed to be sorted out with a long chat and a cup of tea. We had to start with ourselves our own, hearts, minds and consciousness. We needed to find our own truths in order to know where we fitted in with anybody else’s. And that if we stayed true to that? We made friends, bonded together in community, we became collectively happier and as a result stronger. Far better equipped to take up the challenge. So if you want to find your starting point for global change why not come see me for a wee chat. https://www.facebook.com/events/797458117283349
In the morning I wake to spectacular life
I occupy time, live beyond myself and for myself.
I love witnessing people’s emotional environments and how they map communities and define cultures.
I love finding out what makes you tick, watching you smile and sharing the laughter.
I love finding the light in the darkness, the joy in the struggle, the beauty in the pain.
The Story of the Broken Goddess aka The Life Doula
Time To Change
Are you a Healing Human? Join my free Facebook group now https://www.facebook.com/groups/165008280785091/?ref=br_rs
It all started with a road trip down the longest dirt road in South Africa, a car crash and a desert retreat and it ended up right here telling this story to you. I first met Karyn when I drove into into the Tankwa Padstal on the way to a small festival in the middle of the Tankwa Karoo. I drove in alone after a 4-hour drive to be immediately approached by a guy asking if I was alone? Of course, I was a little perturbed by this as I had essentially arrived on what seemed like post-apocalyptic film. I was completely vulnerable. This guy had been in a car crash and inside the bar, I found his new girlfriend and her mother, Karyn. Who were all heading the same place as me. It would have been anti-human to refuse them a lift and that is how my relationship with Karyn of Purple Chilli started. We spent the weekend talking about unicorns, universal energies, past-lives, her role in Afrikaburn and her plans than to set up a new burner festival called Sentella, never mind her role as a Consultant for the South Africa FIFA Football World Cup. She was an is an impressive lady.
Fast forward a couple of years and Karyn found her self reaching out over Social Media over a personal crisis she was going through. I can easily class myself as a crisis specialist, having recently self-diagnosed my self with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and being a Master Life Coach. Due to my own life experiences I am always happy to reach into the unknown, wade into the dark, then swim in the abyss for a while to witness someone’s pain. It’s one of my superpowers and I’m very good at it. It’s also an intrinsic part of what I do and even who I am. In the process of engaging in what was Karyn’s radical transformation, I discovered that she was changing career. That she was setting up a digital marketer. I have been building a business for nearly a year I was very interested in this. As I had been trying to push up engagement on Social Media in order to get some clients. In exchange for some coaching work, I got a full marketing review with some great feedback on how to build on what I’ve got and invited to join the Purple Chilli 21 Day Accelerator course when it was up and running.
I have to say I was excited to sit down to the challenge when it came but I had no idea how hard it would make me push myself in the process. It feels like it has cracked open my soul and made me meet my source purpose and this is even after being a qualified Master Life Coach for quite a few years. This process has made me step more deeply into my own healing journey. I won’t bull shit you at moments it’s been terrifying.
I started Karyn Reynolds Purples Chilli’s Accelerator 21 Day course with the intention to build confidence & strategy for digital marketing (I have achieved so much more than that). My intentions for The Life Doula was to create radical community focused business grounded in my local area that works on a donation basis that creates emotional health and promotes a wellbeing economy.
All very straight forward until you get into the why story…..the thing is it’s complicated and within that it was complicated and scary because explaining my “why” meant I had to delve deep into the origins of my business and thus into the origins of me…… which was something that will become obvious from this developing story.
My why is because I wanted a better world and in order to have a better world I need to to be a better person. I’m a good person with a challenging history. I grew up in a highly dysfunctional family where physical, verbal and emotional violence is accepted as a norm to this day. What even more shocking is that my family comprise of well read highly educated and professional people. Some of them even in the healing professions. Yup it’s fucking mental. In essence, I was terrorised as a child and for most of my life, I’ve been riding a roller coaster of emotions. Intense emotions have always been very difficult for me to self regulate which have to lead to issues with self-harm and co-dependency. As well as attracting some very unhealthy associations. The truth of the matter was that from a very young age all I’ve wanted to do was run away from it all and express myself freely. I wanted to be a gypsy. However for many years the trauma from my childhood has prevented me from engaging in almost anything creative. As being myself was essentially continually scorned or violently punished. After years of attempting to appease people to no avail, I fell prey to an incredibly abusive person. I had a complete nervous breakdown at the age of 26. Where I was signed off on the Uk welfare system for five years fully paid because I was a risk to myself and others. It was like being given a golden ticket you could never cash because you were too unwell to go anywhere. What it did get me was a stable home and a place to call my own, with the greatest luxury of all time.
Separately to that my own mental health and sense of wellness had been greatly diminished by the destruction of my village’s natural environment when I was a teen. The places that I had run away to to escape my family were removed from me. I was completely discouraged at all times from standing up for anything I believed in. All my joy was stolen and I ended up falling into a deep depression. The destruction of the environment had in essence spiritually crippled me.
As I progressed through my adult life the environmental theme kept coming up everywhere I went and there were no easy solutions to it. You couldn’t outrun the concrete, you couldn’t escape plastic pollution and the further you ran you destroyed a little bit more of that thing that your sought and hoped to protect.
It was an endless list of catch 22’s. Then luckily I got paid for 5 years to sit down and think. The pain of development and the capitalist system had crippled others too and that is why vast swathes of people were moving out of London and taking over villages in the hope that a beautiful spot in some quaint countryside may ease their suffering. Gentrification spurring on a new pain of displacement and community disintegration. The dislocation of tribe and creating new intergenerational trauma. People with no way to connect, no tradition to guide them, to places to gather. Town councils obsessed with money, developers obsessed with profit. The word was a sick place with no end game. Yes this had always been in the word, yet now it seemed somewhat critical. Clean air, land access and environmental security and personal wellness were rapidly being depleted all in the name of progress. We had to change the way we think, the way we consumed, what we valued. I had always wanted to buy a big house by the sea, plant some trees, grow some food and dance and paint on the lawn. That now seemed increasingly part of the problem?
My solution we had to deal with ourselves. We had to sit with our emotions however painful or destructive to stop them from having any power. Hurt led to hurt. Pain grew more pain. Unless we just found the strength to quietly sob into our pillow or even better found someone who had seen it all before and listen to our story without judgement. We were destined to run forever taking our pain with us where ever we go. Fuck it’s a mission. Fuck it’s relentless, brutal and exhausting. This was the work that needed to be done.
Then hope upon hope the world conspired to support me, I had a counsellor and a kinesiologist that worked with me for free. The held me together with masking tape and glue until eventually, I could hold myself again. Then I acquired a friend, a proper one. The kind that actually gives a shit, that turns up listens, helps.
With five years off (and all the therapy) I actually became a person that people wanted to be around, even if I was ill. Before you knew it I had a regular flow of people who would come to my door and overspill their challenges, despair and often dreams with me. I ended up with a caseload of informal client referrals that simply started with a cup of tea and a long chat. A morning, an afternoon and sometimes dependent on the unique dilemma a three-day intervention. Everyone left feeling better, even me. In exchange, I got just about anything I needed from anybody that asked because I had helped them sort there shit out and that is how The Life Doula was born.
Why did I do that – It eased my own personal suffering, made me feel useful and minimised the pain and curtailed anyone else from making the same soul-destroying life choices I had based entirely on fear. Yes, I was ruled by fear. However, I was able to offer love. Love in the shape of a sandwich, love in the shape of a bath, love in the shape of kindness and this was something I came to know as nurturance. Love was the answer, love was the question. It just needed one simple act of kindness that was intended for another person’s growth and that was enough. Nurturance offers an action based solution that created secure connections for people that had none. I started building communities in sustainable ways. Started to propagate the skills of nurturance. Taking back the human life cycle, so that grief is recognised, love is celebrated, mothers are supported, the elderly are respected, children are heard, babies are cherished, the dying is held. That we needed access to humaness. That life purpose is only a part-time pursuit in experiencing the joy and beauty that we already have. That is the work of The Life Doula to get everyone to create their global awakening. Time for a change.
If the ideas of self-nurturance, healing humans, communities, human geographies, wellbeing economy, global awakening and collective futures appeal to you? You can find out more here
Sooo if you want to grow balls big enough to write this story, that will help you explain your painful past and find out how that informs a powerful future. I’d get hold of Karyn immediately and gently coerce her to tell you her magical unicon secrets. It’s free for now. Purple Chilli