I just wrote a wee post on instagram about this. As I actually considered the future of this blog. I was so committed at the beginng of this year to staying on top of everything when a few months ago I had to allow my work schedule to collapse for my own mental health it was a bit wild. As I sit here writing this I still have to evaluate exactly how it it is that my mental and emotional health can so easily eclipse my productivity. That even though I am a ‘trauma specialist’ or even a ‘trauma doula’ I still get caught up in some pretty destructive life cycles. Which in all seriousness will take several books to explain and that you probably deserve to read.
One thing that I can absolutely assure you of is that I have had a very interesting life. I’m also incredibly proud of that fact too. In the run up to this year’s winter solstice (in the southern hemisphere) is that the unconscious shadow has a huge influence on our lives (no shit sherlock). I know it hardly news is it. It’s also funny as I move through life how many terms I find for the same thing. I mean the unconscious shadow it’s literally the subconscious right? That means that we are unconscious of what is lurking in our psychic field. Depending on how aware we are of our own preferences, behaviours and beliefs we ,can also hold a lot of postive stuff in the subconscious too. You know like, the things we like to do when we aren’t being forced to work in shitty jobs. Or even better the things that bring us joy. Many of us have been entrained to believe that the things that we like, hold no value. It simply isn’t true. If it’s of value to you it is something that you should strive to create more of. The unconscious shadow is the unknown fear that drives you and I’m beginning to learn that it’s a very interesting thing. That the greater our progression through our healing journey the greater our shadow manifests. That actually love and light is a toxic deafening of some of our very real concerns. Unless we learn to listen to ourselves deeply we often repress and project what we feel unconsciously out into the world. That we attract the shadow to ourselves to be continually healed.
What I appreciate now is that much of what I have been trying to write about from my past life is old news for me now. It isn’t keeping me inspired even if it is crucial to what I want to teach. So how is it that my motivation collapsed and my anxiety exploded? When it’s simply a matter of getting shit down. I think it was the idea of having to revisit the same old shit. Of course I’m not meant to say that. It’s like saying what I have to offer is shit, boring, old but then again that is only to me. You see it’s taken me years to figure a lot of shit out and we are constantly evolving and groing. We forget how much we have had to learn to get to where we are. So maybe this is an opportuntiy to reflect on how far we’ve come, what I have learned and how much more I have to give rather than bearate myself for having writers block, being bored and stuck.
Just like that my commitment to this blog is back. It’s in writing that I find my solutions. The passion for what I am doing and creating and the clarity as to how I want to move forward. you see sometime I wonder how would it feel to wake up with a clean slate everyday. As I wonder about people who have had full time jobs all there lives, the things that they have been forced to achieve through consistancy and persistence. Sometime I think that these are qualities that I lack. I only have the pressure of my own conscious to keep me going. If I am out of alignment, have lost my inspiration or purpose it is hard to keep going. I often wonder where my writing is leading me. When actually it is always leading me back to my self . That writing gives me the clean slate that I deserve. That it cleans up the mess of my mind, You see to express somethign fully is a form of trauma healing. Writing is a way to be heard when nobody else is listening. Which leads me to another story.
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