Process, Uncategorized

The Emotional Journey

Victimhood exploded into my consciousness today as I wondered what that really meant for so many of us. Victimhood has become a dirty word. So much of what we are told to be outraged about is in fact inconvenient, uncomfortable and honestly best left under the carpet for most people. We just don’t talk about it. About our weaknesses about our fears. Nor do we take the real-time to identify their origins. It’s an ever-ongoing journey the journey back to ourselves. Most of our journeys start with trauma, whether it’s garden variety childhood trauma or something a little more dramatic. Trauma lies at the root of our emotional journey. Of course, not everyone might believe that, for me it’s certainly a larger part of my truth. Once we get to a certain point in our own lives we really have no other option than to take responsibility for our journey. We have to take responsibility for our choices and we have to stand in our own sovereignty when reaping the consequences of those actions. So many of us walk the tightrope of boundaries trying to figure out what is just the right amount of give and take. For me personally, I always lookout for the best in people and now as I get older I have truly given deep thought to what is the most compassionate thing I can do for me. That seeing the best in people and wanting what’s best for them is not necessarily what is best for me. That in a world where you could be anything being kind isn’t always helpful. I’ve been mulling all of this over for months now. All the flawed belief systems that I have been running my life on. Unconditional love, sacrificial love, guilt, kindness, compassion and trust (I was raised a Catholic after all). Of course they are great values to have however what I have learned is that I have to put myself at the center of that circle. Even more recently what I have learned is that in my early twenties I was actually doing a lot better than I thought. More than this, the world is a lot more fucked than I thought and even more interestingly the people that are trying to save ‘the world’ are the most fucked of us all. Like seriously I’ve figured out a lot and although in my fortieth year I think I might have bordered on becoming a bit more conservative I fully appreciate that now more than ever I’m more radical than I ever thought. More than this I am frustrated, bored and quite frankly over it. Over what has been dished out and served up like dog vomit for us all to willfully eat. The terrible thing is that nobody actually knows any better. Like seriously unless you are invested in deep listening. You are not even close to discovering or unleashing the answers to the world’s problems. The world is at a loss.

Wow. It really is emotional. What else did you expect when you were catapulted into a human life that is bookended by birth and death? Yes, the emotional journey is about everything in the middle from dropping your first ice-cream to signing off on your will. It’s intense in here, this human life.

It’s certainly not what we are sold from the family films to the bible or even something a little edgier. It is really clear that most of the narratives are false. Well at least from my perspective? Or are they? You see I’ve been sitting at the centre of the emotional journey for a while now. I’ve been alive for a while now and like most of you I didn’t start out with anybody talking to me about how I feel. How I should feel or indeed if any of my feelings were ok? From joy to dismay most of my feelings by most of the people I have met on this journey through life have been dismissed, overlooked, ridiculed, mocked, weaponised and ignored. As a result, I have suppressed, repressed and ignored my feels and along with it any sense fo self. To be clear I here I am only talking about my feelings here. I amn’t even delving into the more resonable realm of thought. When it comes to human conversation orginal thought can be treacherous if you dare to have and imagination.

You see there’s a lot of talk about the heroes journey about the predictive steps that you might take to self-redemption. The real kicker is that you have to lose everything to gain something and go to where the fear is. I know it sounds straight forward. However it really isn’t the case. Especially when we are hiding from our own fear. Have you ever hidden from you own fear? To be honest the best label that I have for that is anxiety. The truth is it is super difficult to step into your own power especially when everyone is telling you not to. You might find it super confusing to discover that many people don’t want that for you, especially when you are living a life with deep authenticity. You see it highlights all the things that other people are not and they don’t like that. It’s actually quite a mission to turn off the exterior chatter that dictates your process in your head. More than this detach from it completely. There are so many people who are willing to hold you back from your dreams, question your curiosity and even undermine your moral commitment.

In a world where many of us are engaged with the world through the filter of screens controlled by an algorithm, now more than ever it entirely possible to control what you witness. Scary on one side of things and an incredible opportunity on the other. Of course, I am not a sunshine and roses kind of girl. I am ultimately someone deeply aware of the thorns. Although we do have to face our fears we don’t have to stay witness to human tragedy and especially not our own.

It’s a problem. It’s a problem that our feelings aren’t considered valid. The real challenge that I present in this article is how do we present emotions as both necessary and valid? How do we get on the emotional journey? More than this how do we get anybody to share the emotional ride. I suppose at this point we might want to ask is what is the first emotion that we felt can we remeber? Do we know how we felt as a child? Do we know how we feel. For many of us this is the revelation that takes us onto the emotional journey as an adult. It’s recognising the way we feel now is often related to how we felt in the past. That often our emotional journeys as adults is the recovery of the emotional journey of our pasts. That understanding the emotional journey of the past is absolutely key to unlocking the emotional journey that we desire in the future. Often the emotional journey doesn’s always start well. It’s sometimes all about all the feelings that we don’t want, that we are emmersed in, that we can’t seem to get out of. It’s the point at which that we can no longer stand the ‘negative’ emotions that we feel that creates a trajectory of radical change.

Of course it isn’t easy stepping out on to the open road with all you vulnerabilty on view after all isn’t that what unifoms were for? If we all dress the same, act the same, speak the same, think the same , then how could anythign possibly go wrong? You are not the control sample of the universe. We are not the play thing of corporations and institutions. We have feelings, we have emotions and we are entited to have our thoughts, feeling and emotions respected. It’s a no brainer. Literally stop thinking about it and start doing the work.

More than this the emotional journey is not linear. Somehow in this wack world we are all told that we have to continually prove ourselves. To be honest I wonder sometimes what it would be like to coast for a while. Yet somehow that doesn’t seem to be allowed. We have to keep pushing for ever greater success and ever greater emotional upgrade. What if you just put either one of those two things down for a second. In recent years it’s become ever more clear that the work never ends. That our evolving emotional landscape is the journey. That we as individuals are there for all our emotional ups and down and unexpectd sideswerves. I feel like I am, of course, pointing out the obvious. Yet truly in a world where the term ‘Mental Health Crisis’ is banded about like a ping pong ball we have to start connecting the dots. As a species we are not well. As a species our mental and emotional health are impacting our lives, familes and communities. Our mental health is impacting the planet. What are the deep seated emotions that are stopping you from doing the right thing? What is stopping you from addressing this ‘Mental Health Crisis’? Where and how is poor mental health affecting you? Is this the intersection at which to start the conscious emotional journey.

This article was written by a dyslexic with a punk attitude to accompany the Feral Systemic Healing Circle

Process, Uncategorized

Trauma Bomb

Well I’m sure somewhere in my badly executed media strategy I had a concept of all the issues that might revolve around the idea of Feral. My new Systemic Healing Circle for anybody that actually gives a shit about current world affairs. Where I was going to outline very intelligently all the ways in which the Feral concept came into being. About wildness, re-wilding, where in the meantime some of us (aka me) never managed to get fully sytemised in the first place. Like a feral cat that didn’t get exactly what they wanted out of system, that was supposedly designed to support them I was all and am still all too ready to tear the dysfunctional system apart if it didn’t serve me perfectly.

First of all this kind of approach and attitude to the system is highly indicative of personal trauma and second of all why the fuck is everyone else so compliant? There are more questions too that include: Is it just me? Why can’t you just get along? Accompanied by deeper musings… if the system doesn’t serve everybody does it serve anybody? You see that is the challenge with systems (speaking as somebody that just spent a week of her life scheduling emails for the year) they don’t work for everybody. As human components of the system when we meet people that don’t fit into our agenda, the trajectory of an organisation or the guiding principles of society we tend to ignore, overlook, dimiss, silence, reject, remove, exile and even kill the people that don’t agree. Fucking scary right? Why do we do that? Because its uncomfortable, inconvenient, disruptive, time consuming, difficult and ultimately embarassing to admit that we don’t have all the answers, nor are we capable of delivering all the solutions. That the rules, the law and ‘our’ procedures don’t work for everybody. That actually the system denies our humanity by denying many of the humans that belong to it. And you know what? We do this mainly all in the name of progress.

As I am sure that I have written this multiple times the micro informs the macro. The challenges that we have globally are relational. That the system rejects the interpersonal as significant and engrains, neglect, abuse and trauma into systemic relations. This is why I often tend to talk about the anti-human system. There is so much programming that fuels these kind of behaviours it’s hard to accept that for the most part we are contributing to the toxic systems that keep people at best stuck and at worst traumatised. The real trick is figuring out where we are perpetuting harm in a toxic system. And more than this where we are silently complicit. This week (tonight in fact) I start the Feral Systemic Healing Circle, which morphed and developed from a few approches that included the idea of a group called Complicit Anonoymous (that never got off the ground). The premis of Complicit Anonymous was that most of us with any ____________ (insert applicable word here) know that we cause harm and are contributing to societal collapse, the 6th mass extinction and climate change. Most of us are all operating in systems that largely refuse to ancknowldege the ways in which they cause harm. From the single mother that won’t receive a wellfare check to the petrochemical dependency of most companies and yet we choose to carry on buisness as usual. Where there are so many things to stand up for so many injustices to fight against it’s fucking exhasuting. Yet we carry these burdens as we too remain trapped in the cycle of perpetuating economic growth and maintain economic power by controlling resources, such as land access. Yet at the same time impacting basic resources such as air. The consumptive behaviour of the money classes and developed countries are having dire consequencies of the air quality of the systemically abused and ‘developing’ economies. Yet we carry on. Of course I am as guit as the next person. The challege is that all these behaviour are interconnected and intersectional as we try to build a way out of the Systemic Trauma Bomb that we have created.

Why is this artilce called Trauma Bomb I often write about how the personal informs the planetary. Last week I witnessed and experieinced what I can only be describe as a trauma bomb. It’s where two or more emotional triggers and thus unresolved trauma meets and blows up. It was an interpersonal relational masterpiece of destruction that threw most of if not all of my work schedule totally of schedule. It would have been great to ignore it. It would have been great to deny that my unrecognised trauma, the previously unseen shadow had anything to do with it, ignore the other persons issue and of course bythly carry on. That wasn’t possible. No matter how bad the circumstances. How dire the consequences of an emotional outburst, explosion or trauma bomb is we have to take the time to work with the trauma, acknowledge the pain and find new strategies. Nobody, not even a trauma doula is going to get it right all of the time, especially when we are working with our shadows, the things that we can’t see. You see shadow work gets complicated when we start to understand collective shadow work or even just the shadow of the companies organisations we work for or even run. You see what are the trauma bombs of thes organisations, companies and structures when their shadows meet. I think we are seeing these play out perfectly in the USA right now. Where corporate media fails to take repsonsibily for promoting and endorising very traumatised man and encouraging all his traumatised followers while denying the legitmacy of Black Lives Matter. Racism is systemic trauma. Yet the USA seems to be living a polarity of full scale systemic trauma denial that is engrained into most of it’s insitutions. Why won’t Mike Pence get rid of Trump?

That’s why my spelling is wobbly, I’m not trying to hide that I am dyslexic. I’m actively exposing my shadow. Why do I say I’m traumatised frequently? So it liberates you to say it too. Trauma is the real pandemic. In a society built on privilige, competion and capitalism Letting everyone know where all the gremlins are puts me at a major disadvantage. I’m absolutely fucking certain that numerous people have judged me for the quality of my output. Indeed totally bypassed it. I thank you. Language and presentation even though I have forgetten to mention it numerable times in my writing is a key componant of Systemic Trauma. Saying you could do better? If you just paid a bit more attention to your work? or the killer “Can you speak english please?” The answer to that question is no I can’t. Are you listening properly? Are you paying attention? Can you see where your biases, your prejudice and your biggotory yet? If I waited until I met your standards I would never have gotten started and indeed the terror of being judged for my seeming laziness or lack of attention has prevented me from flourishing far sooner in life. So yes here we are all complit in a toxic system, looking for a way out we can’t buy. If you are looking for solutions it’s time to sign-up to Feral Systemic Healing Circle.

This articel is the first in a year long series acompanying Feral Systemic Healing Circle

Process, Uncategorized

Feral

I’m fairly confident that I have not written about this before. I’ve got no idea why, given that its’ been burning though my brain as an idea ever since forever ago. Like alot of the ideas I have. Anyways I’m really excited about this one. Let me say this very clearly, I am feral. I don’t belong in the system and my natural environment has been destroyed and well it’s left me somewaht untameable. That might be how you youd describe me if I was an animal, and then of course I am. Human’s are animals, we certainly seem to follow our worst impulses a lot of the time (that will be the trauma). And yes most of live very far outside the confines of our natural envirnoment, most of us don’t even have access to a natural water source these days, especially if we live in cities. We are forced to drink chlorine for our own good.

You see I got a bit pissed of with all these re-wilding wild women posts, projects and groups that seemed to need a matching head dress to go with you mass produced slave labour arm bands in order to feel free. What true wild human have you met that has a warddrobe of accesories that are weather essentials? Anyways I should probably stay quiet here. My bad attitude hardwire is being to shine through after a rather intesne week. That’s my problem that is why I might describe my self as feral. I don’t fit into the system, in fact it terrifies me that so many people do. I’m literally lost as to how people keep together such a distinct and fuck-up socital lie. Except of course for paychecks. That’s how. Would anybody like to talk abour corruption? We are courrupt. Remember you can’t eat money? Universal enslavement has been a thing for a while now. As I’m sure any Marx theorist will tell you. So yeah I called bullshit on the system a long time ago. I didnt’ like it going in and I’ve broken the heels of all the pretty shoes I have doing the best I can to stay out. In fact I’ve nearly destroyed myself to be non-complict in the system’s anti-human ways. So yes fuck the system. Fuck the system hard.

It’s not very productive though is it? So I’ll internalise capitalism and keep on writing. So if you are disruptor an interested in Personal Activism and Systemic Healing you can sign up to join the Feral Systemic Healing Circle which convenes on or around every new moon of 2021.

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Process, Uncategorized

Systemic Healing

It’s such a big quest and question…are you ready to take on the system. I’m fucking not. I put in toes and I somehow seem to lose a limb and snap some very weak heart strings. I’m not sure my nerves can take it anymore, in fact, I know that can’t, it isn’t for a lack of courage. It seems these days due to growing wisdom several weeks ago I wrote about the ideas of sacred schism and even splits. In fact, I’ve been seeding this consciousness into a new understanding of progress that dances between values and purpose and how they can be navigated in more personal ways. Of course, lets be clear I can get as trigger happy as the next person. I am happy to take an ejector seat out of any situation that no longer serves me. You see what does splitting and schisming really create if not allowed for? I often wonder what the world were to look like if we simply viewed it as a massive playground. I don’t like it over here. I think I’ll go over there. Sometimes you end up doing this you really hate with people your really love and sometimes you end up doing things you really love with people you really hate. You see for me so far, life has been a navigation of these two polarities. I’m sure navigating these polarities may even be partway of the source to systemic healing. What if you could find the middle road? Indeed at 39, I believe that it might actually be possible. You see we aren’t supposed to be alone, we are supposed to be in community to operate from within the centre of supportive systems that are both regenerative and sustainable. This may be where the word holistic has been sprouting with and growing everywhere like a Waldorf School garden.

In fact, in recent months and especially since COVId 19 my co-collaborators are taking a very interesting turn. These days I have found myself working with Multi-Dimensional Therapists, Alchemists and even Sangoma’s as my human life becomes ever more expanded in consciousness. It feels to me that I have finally left The Matrix as I officially got accepted into Hogwarts in September (I’m not kidding).

For me, it seems that ultimately Systemic Healing can only occur by leaving the sytem or in fact any system that puts the objective of the organisation over and above that of it’s members. That we have to go solo hang tough and wait for our tribe to find us right on the edge of what might be possible. No one can do exactly what you are doing or be exactly as you are and we all have a unique calling and divine path to walk on our ways back to ourselves. Speaking our truth and living it as best you can is only the way to move forward with integrity in order to live as an authentic self. It’s ok that is exactly where all the ‘others’ find you. I can’t imagine it is easy being a Multi-Dimensional Therapist, Alchemist or even the more traditional Sangoma. This morning alone I wondered if Cast Out might be yet another book title for me to explore if I ever find a place to settle long enough to write it.

What I can tell you for sure is that no one living within the system told the ‘others’ how to become. The had to lose themselves to find themselves. As the seed cracks open in search of the sun.

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Systemic Trauma Revisited

It really is the motherload of understanding all the ways in which we are gaslit into believing that our society is relatively functional as we hurtle towards human extinction. Systemic Trauma bounced into my consciousness a little over a year ago. Now I finally understand who I am and what I do.  Although systemic trauma it might be a toxic heap of shit it is actually relatively easy to unravel if we work on it from the perspective of the personal.

I’m sure you don’t believe me. Yet at the same time what much else do we have to work with? Right now this article feels like it’s going to draw on the much deeper understanding of Systemic Healing. Rather than the actual trauma that I seem to have been covered quite extensively. The key message is; the anti-human system that expects you to work until you die while living in an ever-increasing toxic environment, as a result of the willful neglect of our environment and us people by both government and business. It’s not rocket science, as post-truth gaslighting carves the way for an emerging new consciousness.

You see we have to be able to work collectively in order to be able to survive. We have to be able to survive locally in order for life to be sustainable. We need to be able to live in balance with our immediate surroundings in order to collective action to work effectively and limit detrimental impacts further afield.

It’s quite straight forward and I think most of us that are on any form of quest to “Save Ourselves” has probably noted most of these key components while booking flights abroad and eating a lot of chickpeas (I’m still waiting for the bio impact of chickpeas consumption to emerge and eagerly awaiting the news of the human catastrophe it has caused). You see it’s all well and good to be an activist or even trauma-informed. It’s another thing to constantly and continually have to consider the repercussions of our actions. I wonder if more of us were able to do this with a deep commitment to the personal,  how our world might radically alter. Even for me as a “Systemic Trauma Specialist” I have to tell you my trauma management is a full-time job. With an ever-deeper exploration of what I need to both learn to allow and contain. Where my flow between rigid boundaries and clear consent and allowing can be refined for everybody’s benefit. The last few months have been a deep act of aligning as well as witnessing the way in which I betray myself and in the process let other people defile me and my work as I allow them to bleed their trauma into my life. You see we have a sacred responsibility to the communities in which we live to the do the work of healing ourselves. That by picking up carrying and caring for our own burdens we give other people ways to do the same with their own. Healing hurts and we cannot heal all at once. Though we can take a very good crack at it from time to time miracle do and can happen. The thing is identifying the things that cause you pain, the things that trigger and traumatise you. We need to move away from them at speed the moment that the overspill becomes real. There is no need to intoxicate others with things that cannot be contained. Yet at the same time we either all go together or none of us does. Somewhere in this strange life, we have free choice and free will. However, in my experience how much of it is dictated to by laziness or worse resignation? It’s always been that way and I can’t be bothered. That’s fine? Then why should I be bothered with you?

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Wellbeing Economy

A Wellbeing Economy sounds like the perfect solution to the anti-human system that I keep going on about. The only thing is though how much would we have to decolonise ourselves in order to make it work. Only the other day I was involved in a discussion that looked at the impacts of the free food market and how it might impact food producers in the long run. As availability of free food might impact the need for food consumption. For some reason it made me think of the French’s appetite for very freshly baked bread and how that particular corner of the market may never be undermined by late free food. Maybe there in lies the answer or at least part of it. The desire for fresh produce. After all, fish does tend to go off. I’m still worried about all those cold climate Vegans though. Who am I to judge? I’m not  a permaculture specialist. I just wonder where all the soya and chickpeas come from. I’m sure somebody somewhere is going to give me a super intelligible answer.

I was listening to a really interesting radio show (How retro!) yesterday that was and examination of the Scottish Highland Clearances. It was a rather nuanced exploration tha looked at forced displacement and emigration as a result of the changing economic needs of society. When actually it was rather about the greed of the land owners within a feudal society. It was rather fascinating as it suggested that the uprising of the highlander or lack thereof came out of a deepening confusion of clan fealty. For me as an aforementioned splitter it’s hard to imagine that people would put such trust to a man of power, even your own kin. It’s a bit mental isn’t it. That basically you were made destitute and homeless by your own kin.

Anyways I wonder how all of that might work now. It’s had to imagine a world without hierarchical structures. Or even a world that agrees to a slow down of the economy for planetary welfare. Well I say that, that’s what we thought and knew only a few months ago. Yet here we are at the edge of The Great Pause, sitting a very different possibility of human and planetary existence. Who exactly is going back to work and why? Why have the government chosen to bail so many of us out? How are people surviving within the greatest known economic depression. Who is going to be the new Hitler and is there going to be a global war. Will it be based on a conspiracy theory or something that actually happened? Will the unmasked menace of white privilege finally wipe itself out with it’s own self-interested approach to life.

Five months ago I might have been writing about the possibility of a four day week and more localised work solutions and even mused on my own work practices (which allow time for emotional integration) .

Now when I think about the Wellbeing Economy it’s almost impossible to ignore that we might be collapsing into it. That I collapsed into it many moons ago after refusing to opt in to burn out culture. Things should take as long as they take. That’s the healer in me. Maybe even the creative. That the creative and the healer and instriabley link. Maybe that should be the basis of the Wellbeing Economy how creative and healers can work together to tell all the accountant to fuck off.

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May All Beings Be Well

It is a bit of a Buddhist troupe isn’t it and yet far more powerful than you might think. In the ‘spiritual’ realms in which I have been drifting of late there has been a lot of discussion about ideas of “The Highest Good For All”. Being flat structure kind of girl I’m sure you might instantly see that I might have beef with that much like “Some are more equal than others” Fuck that shit. You see I’ve been figuring out the idea of flat structured systems for a while and in fact there is nothing that I like to discuss more than a bit of circle work, common grounds, flat structures  or indeed in the case of this week this ideas of a  Wellbeing Economy and even more recently in my consciousness Sacred Economies. (No I am not an economist, nor do I intend to be).

In fact my latest community schism has really highlighted to me the very dire need for slow coaching (which is one of the names I first thought of for my business many moons ago). That called upon the ideas of In Praise of Slow by Carl Honore (look at the clue in that name). That for real unity consciousness to emerge we have to be willing to go at the pace of societies slowest member. Fuck I wish I’d known that years ago. This ideas came up for me a few articles ago using both and African proverb and a wolf pack as good examples. It really falls into the idea of what are we willing to sacrifice in order to get ahead. It also made me question my firmly held belief that principles might get in the way of progress. That being alive is a very complicated dance. That systemic trauma both upholds, neglects and enforces as a way of controlling. That I am part of that. Also that being part of something you disagree with doesn’t necessarily give it power over you unless you surrender your sovereignty. Yes there’s a lot in here. If you are keeping up, you are doing great.

Which leads us back to May All Being Be Well. As species we can no longer afford to work at another living beings expense, whether it be human, river dolphin or the mighty Amazon. All life has it’s palace and deserves it respect. Though we have a long way to go to regain that knowledge. That it become more than just a Buddhist troupe. That we must accept the unconscious harm that we do by dismissing the intangible. As other previous posts point out clearly we are all woven together in way that way beyond what our neural pathways can store. That that weaving is never ending as we travel through time and space in both the micro and tha maco. Even if we stay indoors for all eternity and order everything we need from amazon. Even if we stay indoors for the rest of our lives and everything we need it brought to us by a well meaning stranger. There are so many was in which our existence can manifest and be supported way beyond what we are able to personally take responsibility for no matter our circumstances. There are also so many ways in which we can corrupt ourselves by believe that our need is greater than somebody elses or indeed that we have the right ot control influences and even report on other behaviour. It’s a big lesson for me especially as I watch and follow multiple relational Instagram accounts about what we need to expect from our partners and relationships. I’m still figuring that out. Where does a schism form the greater good and where does it simply abandon people in need. It’s not simple thing for one person to figure out. Whether we all move together in a slow and destructive pace or whether we leave the collective in order to get ahead. “I fucking hate splitters” yet I most definitely am one. If there has to be something as brilliant as a divine union there has to be something as brilliant as a divine split. Am I just kidding myself I wonder… Did I ever mention that I am a Libra?

The dance of union, separation and wellbeing seem irreversibly linked to each other it’s hard to think of this idea as anything other than a huge relational pondering.

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Systemic Constellation

I’ll admit it took awhile for the penny to drop on this one. A long drop with gentle thud at the end. Even my brilliant brain couldn’t piece together the obvious quickly right up until it did. Did I ever tell you that the Systemic Informs the personal and the personal Informs the Systemic. It seemed highly impersonal that Family Constellations are also know as Systemic Constellations and I didn’t fully recognise the connection until much later on. To this day I have never done a Corporate Systemic Constellation. I feel to do so might risk my own suicide. Somebody once asked me if I might consider doing corporate “Wellbeing Workshops”. To this day if I was ever to do such a thing I’d take the fee and then give everyone the afternoon off. Like fuck them, fuck corporate power. Fuck the System. LOL. I don’t get triggered much I promise.

Anyways so yes systemic constellations are a way to find out exactly how fucked up your world is. The way I do them is entirely centered around self. They’re more like an ‘Emotional Map’ than a standard constellation and god only knows how my work has morphed over COVID. I barely do floor maps anymore and it seems to deepen my clients experience in much the same way.

I’m a way ahead of myself here. I think this is supposed to be some kind of useful and directive explanation of a systemic constellation. Let me back track…

A Systemic Constellation is a process used to understand either family or system dynamic and how they impact on the individuals involved. The process was appropriated by Bert Hellinger from IsiZulu cultural healing practices. The process relies on people taking on the varying roles of a family system and playing them out as part of a catharsis healing that allows us to alter patterns and dynamics within the family system. It allows for the pre-verbal and unseen thinking of family members to be explored in non-threatening ways.

As I have said, the way I work with this process is largely through creating an emotional map of a client’s interior innerscape to unlock relational aspects of their emotional field. It’s really cool. I use bits of paper and it’s really easy. What is also really cool is that you get to see how you feel in a physical map that’s all laid out on the floor. You also tend to realise that you have complete control over your feelings and indeed what you feel and how you think. That you have the power to break the pattern and indeed the cycles within your own behaviour and the family system. That you can become and observer of your feeling that you don’t have to embody them. It’s a lot easier said than done though. It takes practice, before practice comes awareness and that is what Systemic Constellations are all about.

There are loads of different methods as to how to do a family constellation or indeed a systemic constellation is done. Emotional Mapping is the method that works best for me and my trauma-informed practice. What I love about Emotional Mapping most is that it is entirely fluid and allows you to express and feel fully. It also allows for a deep personalisation of the process especially when I work with creative practitioners and healers. (yes I work with healers) It’s really cool. What I often find by the end of an Emotional Map is that creative practitioners have created the basis for a body of work or even created a body of work. This is either through a collection of their words and/or a visualization of what has arisen while working with me.

Healers also get deepening insights into their own healing practices. As my sessions often form a fusion healing unique processes that may only occur through healing collaborations in a singular time in space of these sessions.

Guided entirely by intuition very little of what I do is replicable. Very little of what I do is replicable because it is centered around your own very unique experience of both trauma, healing and self-expression. Very recently I was described as a Master of Soul Retrieval and I have to say I loved that description of my work.

Process, Uncategorized

It’s The System Man

I’ve probably been saying this while holding a joint and putting the world to rights since about 1998 when Fight Club seemed to capture the mood of a generation. Is it any wonder why Xennials are so fucked up? I still get really excited and explosively joyful when I watch the end scene of that film. At the same time very curious about Helena Bonham-Carter’s particular role given her inclusion endorses the artistic aristocracy. Hypocrisy lives everywhere. (Just in case you hadn’t noticed). Do you need me to critically unpack this further?

All sorts of things seemed to appear when I start to explore the systemic. For the last 30 mins I’ve been watching Brad Pitt on YouTube talking about his career. Brad was one of my favourtie actors right up until Angela Jolie happened. Even here in a flat in 2020 it came as a bit of a revelation that my flatmate and I might be on the different sides of Team Jennifer and Team Angela. Luckily about 20 years has passed for passions to subside. It’s moments like these that you glad that time machines don’t exist and that we can’t walk through them, or god only knows where that discussion might have ended up. Anyways what has all that got to do with The System? Sadly everything, from the media you consume, to the films you like or even the books you read. Like Girl Interrupted for example. What might cause someone to end up in a mental institution and at what point did that become glamorous? Or indeed necessary in society? After all it was quite clear the main protagonist wasn’t nuts. That the system she was being asked to operate in was, even the nut house.

Culture and The System has been portrayed in literature and art for a very long time. We only have to look to Dickens, Oliver Twist or even Great Expectation to see how The System or societal pressure dictates how our lives may or may not work out… Before that Jane Austin with all her matchmaking prowess. Until we get all the way back to Asops Fables. Stories about the way things are, rather than how they should be. They all relate to the stories that we tell ourselves, endlessly. More than this, the stories that we tell ourselves to build an anti-human system based on control. How did I get from Fight Club to this? Hmmm curiouser and curiouser. Do you have a smouldering pile of ikea furniture sitting outside your apartment, that you blew up during a psychotic break down? Recently I’ve been getting more and more interested in Shamanism and not for the ways you think? Why the fuck I would presume to know what you think is a little beyond me… More than this given that I write about trauma a lot it is probably highly probable that I might at some point reach out to grab hold of the idea of shamanic illness.

So yes Shamanic illness. Guess what? Your ancestors are fucked up. Your geographic location is fucked up? Your relationship to land is fucked up? Your relationship with wealth is fucked up? Your relationship with family is fucked up? Your relationship with yourself is fucked up? And you are surprised that you are ill? It’s fucking obvious isn’t it?  We are so controlled and dependent on The System that we outsource our own liberation to the next well meaning movement of our time. That some governmental organisation might actually skip to our aid and look to ‘fix’ everything that is broken. Yet they can’t because what is broken within that system is broken within us. Why would you outsource your power like that? We are the ones we have been waiting for and yes I still retain the right to stand with a joint complaining about The System.

Uncategorized

Three Hour Sessions and Why They Are Important.

This is probably the most unimaginative title for a blog post ever. No matter how inane it might be is that it has been a huge process to arrive at the idea of a Three Hour Session. That has as much to do with my own healing process it does to do with decolonising time. Two very big ideas and exploration to fit into a 500 word blog post. Yet let me make a wild attempt.

The idea of a Three Hour Session probably emerged in my consciousness over 10 years ago as I attended a consultation for a Mental Health Day Clinic at which I had to run through my immediate traumas in super quick time in order to beat the one hour clock. I was completely unable to stop for breath before gazing across at the Mental Health Practitioners and witnessing their own unguarded expression of shock and awe at the tail I had unveiled to them in the search of some Mental Health or rather Emotional Support. It was only this year that a rather lovely somebody was able to describe it rather eloquently to me as a Trauma Shopping List. That somehow we are meant to trail off an ever expansive list of the tumultuous events that has led you to need Mental Health support in the most inconvenient space of any hour. It’s bullshit. What’s even better if you get to hang out with a load of nutters in a similar state they will also tell how alarmingly inadequate and hour is to unpack and life time of trauma. Like seriously. Not only that, the very real impacts of retraumatising are completely debilitating as you try to prevent complete  emotional collapse on public transport. Aye it’s fucked up. I myself have had more than a few very serious public meltdowns as a result of the unconscious, unboundaried approach of careless professions to my trauma. Seriously unless you going to talk to traumatised people right up until they are finished talking, don’t fucking talk to them. Just don’t.

So that’s me and my position of Three Hours Sessions. I want you to be able to talk until you are finished, not stare and the clock in terror nor spend the first 20 minutes panicking to find out if you trust me enough to speak to me. Or that when you do get to the source of your increasing  distress it isn’t just a matter of handing you an elastoplast and saying thank you so much for sharing would like to spend even more money to feel worse next week. Fuck that.

So in greater news Three Hour Sessions are about reclaiming time from the capitalist system and in fact healing too. You can’t heal trauma in an hour. You just can’t, nor can you address it appropriately. It’s like a surgeon hoping to do a 12 hour operation in an hour because well a botched job won’t kill you. Fuck that. Primarily I’m interested in healing. I’m interested in making sure that you have the scope of the issues you are working with before you even begin to unpack the more sensitive topics or unfold the healing journey. How do you expect to ‘treat’ someone’s trauma in an hour when they have a twenty years trauma history and actually in the current climate most of us do. As more and more of us start unrolling our healthy histories that start at eight or even younger. Seriously it’s a thing and it’s common. What even more common is the volume of people that have been seeking medical help since that time and are still fucking ill. It’s mildly enraging for me and that is why the work I do centers around the systemic.

So for me Three Hour Session are a way of decolonising time. Where I like to think that back in teh day you wandered up to witches hut and it was a half day immersion. Yet if you think about it, not so long ago , you would have spent a morning of your life able to talk to your gran, or your aunt or actually just anybody able to listen. You see this would have been the role of the elderly back only a couple of decades ago to listen and hold council. Now the elderly are part of the on mass societal narcissistic discard. You have no economic contribution to make and now you are not of any value, It’s pretty sad imagine if we all had a kind older person to speak to. Imagine none of us had to feel lonely or isolated. Imagine how that might cure trauma?