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Land Healing

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Carnelian & Red Jasper gather from a local beach.

I’ve always found it incredibly short-sighted of the human race how we go about both tearing up and carving out land. That land ownership is even considered a thing and that land custodianship is not that important to us as a species. Which is kind of remarkable given that we are almost entirely dependent on it as a species? That somehow it’s considered acceptable for humans not to have access to land.

I have look at churches and at malls and felt the negative impact that they have had on land. Why is it in our desire to worship god and even consume we seek to destroy the creation of nature? It’s a question that has pressed on me for quite sometime. I’ve struggled with the idea that as humans that we can engage in worship that and honouring that endorses nature destruction. Like so many other things these questions are easily dismissed as a ‘necessary evil’. People need a place to live. People need a place to shop. The work that we do is so important it somehow it’s ok to overide nature to perform it. It’s a bizarre kind of corrupt lie that we are all complicit in. That we can ‘operate’ detached and separate from nature. That our very existence is entirely connected to the honouring of land and the ecologies it hosts.

Beauty spots, Areas Of Outstanding Natural Beauty and even World Heritage Sites can be protected yet the unique and sacred relationship that humans have with land isn’t. This can be clearly demonstrated with the eviction of the San of Botswana

from the lands that they had lived off of for millennia. This was in order for a newly classified nature reserve to be undisturbed by human interaction. Even though the San had been living there in harmony with nature for all of their history. That begs the question who gets to decide what happens with indigenous lands? I’m getting bored of Autocratic systems within my life and even the planet. Where one person holds the final decision on what is to happen with our land. A person who doesn’t live there, wasn’t born of it, yet through a corrupt capitalist or even well meaning benevolence believes that they own the right to what happens to land. We live in a system that seeks to displace the sacred human from his home environment. It is an issue that lies at the very core of what believe is an anti-human system.

Many of us now feel and embody this dis-harmony as we attempt to buy ourselves outside of this system by going off grid. However no matter how far we run or even how well we plan that consumption of land is chasing us. It is chasing us from the very land we stand on and even own.

There is so is a plethora of information out there about land conservation, management  and in recent even the idea of re-wilding. That also continues to be explored withing the collective psyche of our species. Where we search for the wild spaces in which to heal both within and without ourselves. That seem to be forever seeking to be in harmony with one another. Once again the challenge with Land Healing much like the other forms of healing of which I write starts with us, where we are. The soaces we occupy and forces us to ask the questions in the most basic way. Where doesn my water come from? Where does my food come from? Do I have access to green space? Why are these things important to me? In or current society we know that we need to deeply engage with these question in order for our species to have a sustainable future. What is your relationship with land? Is it consumptive? How do you give back, conserve and even preserve your balance with nature? How has this balance been corrupted? Are my choices or lack thereof consensual?

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Ancestral Healing

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This is my British Passport (my only passport) It makes me want to vomit, not as much as the Union Jack though. To me they are the very symbol of oppression & colonialism. Of planetary ancestral trauma and all the things that we have to unlearn in order to heal the future.

In recent generations it has become very clear that we have forgotten who we are. Our ancestral stories and oral histories have been thrown out the window in favour of Netflix. Yet if you were really to ask? Or rummage around in the family history book what might we find there? In fact maybe that is why you are watching Netflix? Maybe it’s a bit to difficult to embrace our origins stories.

Are we uncomfortable yet?

Ancestral healing is pertinent right now as we sit here trying to figure out the rights and wrongs of the past. Where the ancestors might sit in that? What insights they might share from their perspectives if they could share their stories? What might they say about slavery, indentured servants, colonialism and/or capitalism. It’s probably as deeply personal to them as it is too all of us right now.  I’m sure if there were a round table there would be a plethora of opinions playing out, where most may not even be heard. So here we are wondering what needs to be shared, released of embraced from the past in order to heal the future?

As we attempt to understand how our ancestral experience has informed our own. Just because ‘his-story’ got away with bad behaviour doesn’t mean that it’s impacts aren’t still felt in very deeply personal ways. It’s a bit disturbing to finally realise that your nice life still costs somebody else something. Whether in the here and now, in the historical and possibly even both. Shocker. You see our lives are unsustainable built on the physical and emotional labour of less ‘advanced’ economies. We need people to stay poor and dependent on the capitalist system in order for us to be safe. At this moment in time we are barely able to reconcile our current sins, misalignment and exploitative habits whether it be in the personal or the planetary. Now we’re being asked to fix the past with no idea how to fix the future. Here in the now the very presence we ascribe to being fully alive.

Our systems are inherited from the people that came before us that were both unable and/or unwilling to make the changes possible to live in and equitable and fair society. Systemic racism, perpetuates that trauma as does all systemic abuse. It stems from the point at which we drew our attention away from the human story that accompanies all our goods, services and even cultural practices.

We also inherit our DNA and within it unresolved inter-generational trauma. If you are the descendent of slaves it would be almost impossible for you to not to carry the inter-generational pain of that trauma in your very DNA. If you are finding yourself being branded in with privilege you’re probably wondering what did I do other than inherit the sins of the father? Well exactly.

Sometimes it blows my mind how disconnected we are from our own ancestry much less anything else. That somehow just because something happened hundreds of years ago we don’t have to ability to make amends. That because we ourselves did not commit the crime or weren’t involved in the wrong doing we can’t take steps to rectify those misdemeanors on behalf of something as abstract as universal balance.  Isn’t it what we are meant to be doing anyways even in our most intimate relationships. The knowledge and acceptance that we often get it wrong and that we are willing to make it right. It’s the very essence of grace.

I call bullshit on that idea; That what’s done is done, and we just have to move on.

Right at the center of the conundrum lies systemic trauma that somehow we aren’t responsible for the wrongs of this world. That we are not complicit in allowing those wrongs to continue. That making amends seems to be a weird concept from another time and place. That something has gone so wrong for so long that nobody is responsible for fixing it in anyway and we should all just carry on as normal. This is literally the world we live in, racism isn’t my responsibility, the environment isn’t my responsibility, sexism isn’t my responsibility. Response-ability would anybody like to jump into some Polyvagal Theory here. Fight, flight freeze, fawn and I’ll add in my own face-off. FFS. Being unable to respond in a trauma response. Something I read only yesterday; ‘Just because you ignore the facts doesn’t change the facts.

It’s been extraordinary watching all the video footage of the racists online.  Getting all triggered by the burning of flags, the destruction of statues and the uprising of the oppressed.

We know that attention and intention has the ability to alter and change things. Imagine that you became present in your life, turned off Netflix and just witnessed for while. You don’t even have to watch the news you can talk to your neighbours if you like? What’s going on. Event though your story is not my story how might I be able to to help you? How might we be able to fix this. In what ways can we help one another.

I wonder what The Great Council or The Karmic Board might say about all of this? As they sit round the fire observing this potent period in human history. I can imagine all the people that have come before us rubbing their hands together and reaching for the popcorn. How are they going to handle this? How are they going to wipe clean my wrongdoing. As the whole of humanity pick up the collective failings of his-story.

No matter which side of the fence you are sitting on right now, you got here. You just happen to be alive for this experience. It’s an extraordinary time to be alive. And yes you were sent to be better, do better, live better than anybody else before you.

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Generational Healing

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Birthkeepers are Earth Keepers

Is Generational Healing confusing you? Why exactly are people out marching for equality 150 or so years after slavery? Trauma is inter-generational. The inequalities and injustice of slavery have never been fully healed. Why did slave owners get compensation? Yet the newly freed slaves didn’t? And why has this never been addressed? Ah I think you’ll find it’s something called systemic racism. Just because you ignore something it doesn’t mean it goes away. So here we are witnessing a nation demanding the generational healing it should have received 150 years ago.

I work with systemic trauma. Maybe this is a good opportunity to explain exactly what that means. I believe that overall we live in an anti-human system. If your looking for references why not ask your nearest essential worker about their day to day lives? You can ask a woman what it is like to feel silenced? You can ask a person of colour what it is like to live in their body? (Ask for consent for the conversation first and remember enthusiastic consent is the only form of consent that is acceptable) You can ask an immigrant what it is like to be treated as ‘foreign’. Speak to a disabled person what it is like to be discarded or for the old to be abandoned. These individual stories are important, relevant and pivotal at this time. And Yes Black Live Matter.

If you preference the book of an academic or a well respected figured over the personal stories of  your locally marginalised ask yourself why?  Why do we trust the published, the legitimised over our neighbours and friends?  Published and legitimised by who? and what? Why do we value the opinion of a Oxford Don over a Cape Flats Builder? Where does your reasoning come from? In what way have you been prejudiced in your thinking and why?

You’re carrying the weight of institutions and ideas that you have never actively consented to be part of.

Even if something can be reasoned does it mean it’s justified?

Ideas of race are non-scientific invented by the powers that be in order to keep us separate. Our institutions and governments are built on a race based fantasy. You inherited these systems and you have been forced to accept them as your own. Paradoxically even though the system is based on unconscious bias the impacts of non-scientific belief systems are very real and have measurable impacts on the demographics affected. Systemic racism demands that you believe that people of colour are inherently disadvantaged as result of ‘race’ rather than by systemic racisim. The system is of course narcissistic in it’s characteristic gaslighting of it’s participants with lies and propaganda. It is the most extreme tool of oppression. The idea that any human is superior or lessor based on any physical attributes, belief, creed or ability is of course anti-human.

That is why systems of governance are very much about keeping you stuck, as we wage war within ourselves and against each other. Information overload is designed to bamboozle you. To stop you from taking any concerted action about most things.

All my personal questioning has led me to the understanding of collective systemic trauma that affects everyone in the system. Yet negatively impacts the quality of life of those marginalised by the system. The privileged have a responsibility go on a decolonisation journey to understand how our choices impact everyone in society.

We can’t reason with the unreasonable. So for me the far deeper question is what do you feel about it instead? Is whats happening out there on the street inhumane? Is what happening to you and your family unjust? Are you finding it hard to survive in anti-human society? Are you bamboozled by the cognitive dissonance of what is presented and what is actually happening? Have you found a way to reconcile that?

In my work all I ever do is listen to stories, powerful deeply unique stories. There is no one size fits all solution to systemic trauma because it is all so deeply personal.  How I was treated in school is very different to how you were and so we draw different conclusions.

I wonder what would happen if we listened to each others stories. Personally I feel that the systemic racism that occurs across the western world is abhorrent and that the best solution that I have is to continue to discuss and explore systemic trauma in response to that.  I care about people of colour or whatever politically correct term,  we are using this this month to identify people, people who are actually more than capable of identifying themselves.

You see experience has endlessly taught me that I don’t get to pick someones descriptive, pronoun or identity. When it comes to the classification of people we are only every following guidelines and ultimately how someone chooses to identify is down to them. If you really want to talk about race, you can ask someone how they self-identify. You might find that they don’t even identify with colour. Lets face it I’m a white person that wouldn’t use white a my first descriptive, that’s white privilege at work in case you didn’t get the memo. You see white identity is normalised inside the white system this = whiteness.

In the last few weeks I have been on the most extraordinary journey with The Red Tent Doulas. All based in birthing and story. I never knew that birth stories could be quite so powerful if shared with intention. What is more generationally healing than a story about birth? Your own birth. The birth of a movement or a nation? What are our origin stories? That tell us who we are and the ways in which we were brought into this world? What’s your birth story? You might be very surprised at what you find here. It’s not sugarplum fairies and the stork. Did you know that in the UK  a black women is 5 times more likely to die in childbirth that a white woman? That’s 3 times higher than the US’s known statistics on the matter.

Isn’t it interesting this is a uprising starts with death and a grown man’s cries for his mama. What would it take to heal this injustice for one family? What would it take for this injustice to be healed for all families dealt the same brutal state orchestrated execution. What would it take for us to heal all the people involved in those stories? What would it take for the trauma not to be catching? Could we heal a community? Could we heal a nation? What would it take to heal three continents that the story triangulates round? Only to find that we’d excluded all the places in the world where slavery and colonialism have co-existed for millennia. This affects everybody and we can only heal together. We can only heal in community. Where it is safe. Where we feel safe, heard and loved. The answer is in listening to stories.

In the healing circuits we say continually that healing is non-linear. I believe the only reason for this is that we have not been allowed to heal. That our emotions have been disregarded as non-fact. That our humaness has been denied in order for us to fit into a system that values our profit making abilities more than our innate human gifts. We have to change everything about ourselves to undo this reality as it stands at this moment. I’m asking you step beyond individualised trauma here.

I’m asking you to build a bridge between the relational, the generational and systemic. That the way that we relate to people how we treat one another gets passed on. We are all equal we are all valuable and we are all worthy of each others love and respect. To step out of this  we have to move beyond our own pain. As someone with privilege I need to use all the skills I have to minimise harm and utilise the resources I have to support those who are highly vulnerable at the hands of the oppressor. Which happens to be, me, someone who is complicit in an oppressive system. Yup don’t look away now. The problem is you. We are complicit in a system that is designed to traumatise.

Process, Uncategorized

Generational Questions for a New Age.

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Wow I just realised Generationl = Gene Rational

I have to admit that when I set out this heading I was more focused on a climate emergency, than a global pandemic or indeed the continuing questions of decolonisation that systemic trauma is always posing.

Yes WTF? I was taking a very privileged stance as they might say. My privilege affords me the right to take a ‘wider view’ to consider the big questions. Do you know why? Because I don’t live my life in abject terror on most days. Fight, flight does stuff to your brain. It’s called trauma.

Yet at the same time, I’m still interested in root cause, you see. The root cause is trauma and trauma in my experience is largely systemic. For me trauma is the question of our generation. That is why I’m always talking about it. It affects everything and my hashtags might teach you.

The earth is not the issue, a global pandemic is not the issue, nor is race. It’s the way that we relate to each other and the world at large that needs to change. It’s why I am interested in the oppressor. I’m interested in a deep examination of self. How to use that personal power to fall out of the system, redirect my attention and create the new.

Systemic oppression is complicated if you are witnessing it through the lens of trauma. We’ve been taught to believe that feelings don’t matter. That only objective facts matter. Except objective facts aren’t human or humane. This is an inherited tool of oppression. It’s been passed down through the generations. It’s one of many. If we don’t care how people feel we don’t care about people.

It’s for that reason that the killing of George Floyd is so powerful it’s an objective fact that he was murdered on film by an organisation that is intended to protect him. We can’t argue with it. It’s truth. Yet at the same time, we aren’t taking the same heed of what ‘isn’t’ happening in the UK, Israel, The Yemen, Brazil or even South Africa. Our social media is biased, or news platforms limited. We are all bound up in systems of oppression. We are all oppressed. That is what the powers that be don’t want you to know. It’s divide and rule all the way.

We need to come together to debase systemic abuse on all fronts, on all levels, in all nations. That until we take control of our own trauma it’s almost impossible to take care of the people we need to help most. I’m ready to be torn down in flames over this. Fuck like really. Decolonisation work is scary. The reason that it is scary is because there is so much trauma involved.  You say the wrong thing you hit a nerve and a whole situation explodes. I’ve been there. I’ve been there plenty and still, I need to learn more so I have to ask more questions. Read more books and wonder what is actually going on. Really it’s trauma. The questions that we need to ask is how is our trauma preventing us from acting?

In recent months I have come to a conclusion, even though I’m writing now, even though I am centralising myself and even though I don’t understand everything and I will never get it all right. Oppressors need to be quiet. Unless of course, we are speaking to oppressors about oppression. We need to be able to hold space for the oppressed. We need to do some deep listening if anything is going to change.

The challenge that we face is that we seem to think that emotions aren’t’ real. That rage isn’t justified. Everybody’s rage is justified and it’s the result of not being heard. Black Lives Matter.

Process, Uncategorized

Emotional Healing

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Running like fuck dropping the ball, falling flat on your face and then having a wee cry. That what my week has been like. How about yours? never mind feeling a little overconfident, to begin with. Humility, that where I need to begin. In other news the sun is shining in Scotland?

 

I wish I had better news for you. That you could heal your self and your trauma without feeling anything, It’s just not possible unless of course, you are talking about the physical pain and even that is a little tricky. I have believed that emotional healing is at the centre of all physical healing. That our bodies react and even responds to how we feel. That our bodies are constantly and continually responding to emotional information.

We need to pay attention to how we feel or can’t ignore it or it won’t be long until we are in the myre. Like seriously. I know that there is a lot of talk about plant medicines these days and alternative therapies. Really all they are is guiding you on a journey back to yourself to visit your core wounds see where the hurt lies and get you to sit with yourself for a minute. It’s a lot of what I do too. When all you have to do is sit down and talk to me. Imagine that. What you will discover is that you are actually making time to have a conversation with yourself. When was the last time you did that?

You don’t have to believe in some secret kind of woo that somebody just discovered from some archaic branch of ancient knowledge. All you have to do it sit down and speak. Speak the language of your soul and realise whatever has been vexing or stealing you out into the world. It’s wild huh? This is the world that I know. Holding space talking, tea, chat and conversation or in Scotland we call a wee blether. A wee blether and even a long blether offers us the opportunity to fix just about everything. To get it all out in the open in a safe space. Where it’s all about you. Where there is no reciprocity required and you can just be heard, find space to feel and even cry. Sometimes rage. I don’t mind the raging and in fact, it’s important that we are able to feel into those spaces of anguish and desire. That we don’t drink run or dance them away. That we own them and then realise we can bear them like new life that we can carry their weigh, love and care and find ourselves there. I know it all sounds very hippie and trite and maybe even a little bit shite, yet it is true. What more could we want from this world other than to be witnessed and heard and at the very least by ourselves? Have you learned to lick your wounds and love yourself in the dark spaces beyond what you have already known? Have you swam in the abyss? I know, I have lived there for years of my life. If I could find a comfy sofa I’d probably sit down. You see we enter the inner scape and make it real with our own metaphors. that is how we tell our stories, that is how we heal, for Churchill it was the black dog for me it’s the abyss and for others, it’s the dark side of the moon. It’s the pushing beyond and just like that… self-realisation happens.

Process, Uncategorized

Emotional Labour as a Priority

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The Red Tent Doulas Community know all about emotional labour.

All is not right with the world. The media is gaslighting us along with most governments. The conspiracy theorist are going at it too, it’s all a hoax, to keep us compliant as the reptilian forces continue to clutch at control. I believe you. I’m convinced and it’s exhausting. In the past I fought everything, from NHS cuts to the bombing of Gaza all in the name of doing what is right. Holding back the storm of shit that is destroying humanity and the planet. I have exhausted myself trying to be right and do right. Expecting sane responses in an insane world. I’ve learned over the years that there is not much use in fighting things. I’m far more interested in building things.

That healing ourselves and the connections we have are the key to community and planetary recovery.

I’ve drilled right down into the centre of my need for equality, justice and found that there is everything right with this aspiration. That I as humans we should all be entitled to it. That we have to create it for ourselves. That healing ourselves and the connections we have are the keys to community and planetary recovery. That unless I create it for myself there is no way to share it. That if I wanted to create equality and justice in this world my emotional state has to be at the very centre of that balance. I need to be stable to create stability, to create safety. The micro informs the macro. Our healing is central to the maintenance of humanity.

We create what we focus on. I live my life differently to most people. I prioritise my emotional over just about everything else. My feelings matter because they are the compass of my soul. My soul doesn’t work on clockwork. At best it can be timed by the moon and it cycles and the flow of my womb and all worst of other magic that has been whole scaled denied for the convenience of control. That what makes us safe is not necessarily comfortable and there is always pain in growth. We have to push, lean, relax and even expand into pain to learn it’s lessons and this takes time, the kind of time that you can’t set your watch by. All my effort as a human has to be put into creating the new by clearing out the old. One emotional disturbance at a time that needs to be felt into.

That vision is ensuring that I am continually committed to doing the personal work and emotional labour to ensure that I am in alignment. So that I am always able to have the conversations that have been denied us. So that we can hold circle and protect the balance of our centres.

Process, Uncategorized

Trauma Healing

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Trauma can leave you standing on the edge.

We are all fucking traumatised, have been traumatised and there is just no way round that. Life happens we get told shit by our primary 2 teacher and it sticks with us for life. Unless you’ve been working at the challenge or have a remarkably put together family,  you are more than likely quite fucked up and even if you aren’t that’s probably traumatising on its own. Guess what nobody can ‘fix’ it except you.

You literally have to be the change that you want to see in the world and commit to it if you ever hope to make any significant difference in how you feel. It is still ok to be radically flawsome in all of that too.

Trauma is real and many of us are dealing with its impacts every single day. For a long time, maybe a decade I’ve known that trauma lies at the centre of almost every life disruption. That we are living in societies and systems that spend most of there time gaslighting us then act surprised about trauma. All Trump and Boris are doing is making it very clear that both our governmental systems and our leaders are very unwell. You’d be insane to heed either of them. Yet here we are having conversations about bleach and staying alert hopefully to stories about drinking bleach. We are living in extreme times in every way. There are nearly 35,000 dead in the UK and the government keep telling us they are doing a good job. Did I mention the gaslighting?  If we were in a personal relationship like the one we have with the state, we would have all been institutionalised years ago. There is a reason why the Scots are known to be aggressive. We don’t like being lied to.

This is really just the tip of the iceberg as to a whole host of things that have been de-humanising us over time. A baby is born and your back at work after 3 months. Bereavement is treated as an inconvenience rather than a personal tragedy. Cardboard boxes are deemed an appropriate disposal method for a human life.

Work-life to has now been radically altered, maybe never to be the same again as people move away from the traditional job and god forbid the idea of the commute (Cause that was healthy). Interdependence seems to be the word of the year. As the anti-human agenda of the, capitalist system truly begins to sink in. Capitalism is a crock of shit that is designed to keep us stuck on the hamster wheel of hell for all eternity. Where is the life in that?

Beyond this and natural disasters, humans can be truly ghastly to one another. Religious wars, Colonialism, Capitalism, Genocide and then there’s just day to day murder and torture. Never mind the minor issue of global poverty and inequality that drive the whole negative cycle. People feel shit they do shit things in desperate attempt to go to better places or something as simple as safety. It’s remarkable that in the times that we are living in that adrenalin fatigue is a real illness and we aren’t even running away from lions. We are simply working so hard that we aren’t able to look after ourselves. That even with all our improvements, we are burning out trying to keep up with an unreasonable system that treats us as human-robot there to fuel production and profits.

Off the factory floor, the impacts are massive; breaking down families, breaking down tribes, polluting communities and driving us to social and planetary emergency. As a species, we have been through a lot. In the last century, we have developed technologies that are capable of bringing armageddon in the haze of perpetual war.

All of this stops when we begin to take control of our trauma. Hurt people hurt people. We need to heal our hurts rather than inflicting them externally. It’s all about truth and reconciliation.

Check out my email free series on brain trauma

Here’s Gabor Maté talking about trauma.

Process, Uncategorized

Brain Trauma

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Brain Trauma is in full flow right now, with the Covid 19 lockdown still in place. Right now Occupation Intelligence looks a lot like staying at home, if you can.

I’m so pleased I put this forward as the subject for today. It’s been exactly what I have been thinking about all this morning, so far. Where’s you head at? Where’s Your Head At?

Brain Trauma, impacts our perceptions, our choices and our responses. It’s very real even if you can’t see it. Last year my friend invited me on a Responsive Leadership course with A2B Transformation. Being a qualified Master Coach I didnt’ think I was going to learn anything. I was so board of coaches & healers trying to sell me things. my friend. I could spend the next 20 years of my life consistently studying and I might never get there (where? right?). That you just need to do that one more course. Luckily I am beginning to realise that that is now all part of the healing journey.

With reluctance, I went. I knew it was the universe knocking. Divine intervention (it happens once in a while) and it turned out to cause a paradigm shift that changed the trajectory of my business and life.

What I learned is immense as I literally had my brain blown open to the true impacts childhood experiences on brain development and neurological trauma. I’m not talking about brain injuries in the physical sense. I’m talking about about the development of neural pathways in the brain caused by either physical or emotional trauma.

Stepping into a deeper understanding of the brain enlightened me as to my own behaviours way beyond what I thought was possible in any academic process. Please bear in mind that this goes beyond personality typing.  A2B Transformation have come up with a process called Hardwires that allows you to identify your own neural pathways and how they are negatively impacting you. As well as if you are are right, left or whole-brain dominant.

The course was also designed in such a way that you are also able to build new neural pathways very quickly. I can honestly say that after a weekend on that course my brain has never felt better and as a result of that intervention and interaction. Ever since I learned about brain trauma I no longer suffer from blind overthinking and overwhelm. They are no longer a source of anxiety for me. It’s changed everything in my life and my understanding of what I thought was the self entirely.

If you want to find out more about my own insights into the wiring my brain you can sign up  To a series of essays I wrote here.

Below is a video of from A2B Transformation talking about brain development.

Process, Uncategorized

Flawsome Revisited

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The secret flower language of tulips is perfect love. That’s pretty flawsome.

I’m not even sure that I believe in the idea of flaws anymore. They seem to have gone drastically out of vogue along with the world sin. Even though I might embrace the word flawsome as a philosophy what I need you to know it that there is everything right with you. The only thing that has lead you to believe otherwise is everybody else’s opinion of you. It’s sad but true. Go grab the tissues have a wee cry and come back to be.

Fuck living for other people. I know personally, it has been the bain of my life. All the ways I am supposed to be but aren’t. All the ways I am supposed to behave and don’t. I’m meant to speak quietly, brush my hair, never swear,  probably wear less pyjamas and dedicate more time to my appearance. Now on that note, what I have to say maybe revolutionary. I’m one of those women who is generally very happy with her appearance, except when I bear more fat than is healthy. Yes, I get fat. It’s ok to say so. I also I get fat for a whole plethora of emotional and systemic reason that are far too complex and nuanced to go into in this blog post. It’s also ok to not like the things that you don’t like about yourself as long as they are deeply informed by your own feelings and not somebody else’s. You see flaws are superpowers. Maybe you speak loudly because you are supposed to be heard, maybe you swear because your frustration is supposed to be acknowledged and witnessed, maybe your hair should be messy because you’re disrupting the appearance of women. Maybe wearing pyjamas highlights how ridiculous it is that we expected to be uncomfortable in the world. That fashion isn’t designed for us. That we are expected to fit into a world not made for us. That is what flawsome is all about. We aren’t flawed, the world in its current format is. Because we, yes you an I are perfect. It’s the system that is fucked. It’s the system that rejects us our non-robotic selves, where we are conceived and engines of productivity and wealth generation for the elite. What if you lived in abundance. Would singing as you worked be a problem? Would your messy hair be disruptive? Of course not. That’s the thing the way you do or do not adapt into the system by the people, organisation and institutions that surround you have everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. Your adaptation is to do with how other people need you to be in order for them to feel well, whole and successful. Any form of judgement is a trauma response that values control and dominance of the sacredness of human life over the innate non-linear gifts that we have to share with the world.

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Gaia The Traumatised Goddess

 

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It’s my shadow.

 

Last year I wrote The Story of the Broken Goddess. As like most of my blogs it was largely about me. My process, my journey. Over the last year I have been exploring deeply how the micro informs the macro, right down to discovering the term Systemic Trauma. The term Systemic Trauma has liberated me from a lifetime of confusion and gaslighting. Where it is obvious that almost everything in the human world is not as it should be.

That the spiritual belief systems that we are sold as children of peace and love are totally out of odds with the current forces that drive our human world. That greed and acquisition in no way lead to human harmony or even better quality of life. Instead, they leave us on a never-ending trail of consumption of first things and then experience in the hope of hitting the high notes of the emotional human experiences as illustrated in The Story of Stuff. Currently, most human life can be predicted by one succinct dopamine hit after another. We have become nothing more than hedonistic thrill seekers, where even a death to-do list has not escaped our quest of human experience. We always have to be somewhere else to be comfortable. Whatever happened to be here now and honouring our lifestyle choices, that this is indeed good enough? That a sense of worth and the value of human connection around us might be all we need. Right now that is exactly where we are. I live with the deepest hope this is something the human world is now beginning to fully appreciate as part of The Great Pause.

The human world is in crisis and not the planetary system that has supported human life for aeons. It is the human life choices that have come deeply into question in the passing weeks and not the value of our Earthly environment. In fact, being locked in our personally designed human environments must have brought much of human existence into the stark realisation of what there chosen life, that has been successfully enforced by the propaganda of a greedy system.

For years now I have been doing my best to understand what it would take to heal humans of their instinctual blindness and indeed what might be the attitudinal cause of the laissez-faire attitudes, as the thousands of miles of concrete consume our mother Gaia. That fairer humans have been endlessly trying to outrun like The Lost Shamans of Scotland.

It’s easy to say that the world is broken. It’s easy to say that we have offended and brutalised mother earth and that she is fighting back. It’s also easy to believe that everything will go back to normal and that human life will resume unaltered. Where we will be able to travel again. Where we will get right back to poisoning the planet as usual. The harder part is saying the human world is broken and that I was a human have played a role, by disengaging in my own emotional journey, ignoring my family or disengaging in community success. Of course, there are always greater forces outside of us to overcome, the business agenda of greed, the power of corporations and the ineptitude of government and even our internal will to change.

In case you didn’t know already we are paddling ever further into the new age of Aquarius which places humanity at its centre. The times truly are a-changing. The divine feminine continues to be on the rise with Gaia’s resurgence that seems to come hand in hand with the Kali the destroyer; specifically in this case of men. These times seem to be a time of prophecy where myth, legend and even the biblical seem to be more applicable and indeed useful than the fodder and spin of the daily media.

Things are very clearly changing and I have been using this time to continue and deepen my spiritual quest, looking into the mythological histories of Scotland, learning about the Cailleach Bheur. A hag creator goddess who seems to personify winter and fight spring. The more I read about the Cailleach. The more this creator goddess seem to ring true with the singing of my soul in the 3D realm. That Gaia herself maybe a Cailleach and in fact be Kali herself with another name? The creator stories seem to be guiding us all now as we search for the deeper meaning in all of this as we are all collectively figuring out what we are actually doing here in human form on planet Earth at this time?

So very few of us are living the old ways connected to our histories and our lineages. It’s all become tartan and bagpipes and a wee nod to what once was. All this as I personally push through the weight of my own ancestral healing decolonising what is known with what has been lost. It all seems to be making perfect sense now just as the whole world seems to have gone bonkers. Or is it that Karma takes time to take its toll. You see if you’ve done the work this period isn’t a challenge. We shouldn’t have to consume our lives to be well.  We have everything we need and we need to wake up each morning and be grateful for that.

You see one of the core elements of trauma is that if we don’t heal it we transfer it onto other people. Through relationships, intergenerationally and even ancestrally, where we often don’t know what is our trauma and what is somebody elses? We as a species have taken our trauma to a whole new level and displaced onto a planet. It’s easy to both imagine and personify a planet, that it might have feelings, opinions and even responses to our parasitical behaviour. When our parasitical behaviour simultaneously extracts and pollutes using some of the Earth’s greatest gift against her. There is literally only so long that you can gaslight a planet (literally). What kind of toxic system are we in that the source of our nurturance is both, exploited,  objectified and commodified. Isn’t this the story of woman herself? Birthing creation only to have it abandon and destroy her. It’s no way to live and so here we are. Watching the domestic abuse cases rise globally as the lockdown takes its toll. Bringing into stark contrast what can and can’t be tolerated in confinement. That we have finally got to sort our shit out. On the micro and the macro and that is why suddenly we are all being homeschooled, only to discover that we aren’t sure what the lessons mean. There is so much now that is suddenly superfluous. Lives of excess are traumatic. Lives of disconnection are traumatic. Lives of isolation are traumatic. Lives indoors are traumatic. Which begs the question not just what are we doing here but what have we been doing here. When it is obvious that our only asset is life itself? Even Louis Vuitton realised that hand sanitiser was more important than handbags early on in the game. Yet most of us are trailing behind this realisation and lamenting our chipped nails.

Whether the Covid 19 started in a lab, mutated from a pangolin or is indeed caused by 5G. I consider sentient forces all using the phrase “I let go of that which no longer serves me” As we all seem to be surrendering to the universal breath of this collective shadow work. That may be our collective summoning of what is best for us has led us exactly here? That is our heightened sense of separation we understand what actually has the ability to fall away. Maybe it’s a whole species, even entire behaviours and possibilities? I baulk at the idea that we might mourn entire industries. Somewhere in the swathes of information, I’ve been deciphering, I heard that we don’t fully let go of and old branch until a new one has appeared. Right now it’s so exciting just to consider us all dangling like wild monkeys trying to figure out what is the best next move as our instinctual responses get the better of us. Maybe we aren’t waiting for a branch? We are waiting for an eagle to take us far above what we have known before.

Mother Gaia and a cohort of beings and indeed beingness have been waiting for us to listen and listen we must with no question and no answer.