It’s the 1st of May. It’s Summer what a bummer that we are still trapped indoors feeling thoroughly confused about the unkownness of our butterfly existence. Just the other day I got into a fankle about what I was doing with my life. Then realised that a global pandemic was no the time to start future faking yourself about the intentions you have that right never be fulfilled (the things we do in our head).
If you go look at my Instagram you’ll see that I’m in the middle of rebirthing right now. What exactly does it mean? Well it’s all about the Heroes Journey, Life Cycles, Rites of Passage and much much more. I’m right in the middle of my story so I am unable to outline the predominant themes. When I do know I’m sure I’ll be writing about them. Right now though in this moment it’s the know and unknown of birthing and rebirth. It’s epistemic or as some therapists might say;It’s preverbal.
What exactly is rebirth? I suppose it’s a bit mystical. It’s about making changes and knowing that who you are, has intrinsically changed. Birth, Death & Rebirth it’s like life is an endless loop. That’s why I’m all about the Trequetra. A repeating cycle caught in infinity.
Rebirth is fucking painful, most modern-day coaches or gurus might talk about, transformation. I myself might even talk about crisis, or crises (I kinda specialise in that, the more fucked up the better if you ask me) as an opportunity (I know it’s such a cliche).
Mainly it’s about living inside the body of a disintegrating caterpillar rather than the moment of the emerging butterfly. Does a butterfly even know it is a butterfly? If it had a word for itself what might it be? So seriously this is what all Life Doulaing is all about it’s witnessing you in your protective cocoon and figuring out what might cause you to break out. You see you need to be safe to be effectively vulnerable. What might you be if you believe in something, anything? Even yourself? That’s all it is. That is what secure attachments are all about. That is the work of a doula. Push, breath, take up space. Birth. Then at some point, you do it all again knowing that you can.
When it’s time to rebirth we often don’t even know what we are birthing. We don’t even know what it is that we want to create or even that we might need to let go of something. All we know is that we can’t spend one minute, not a moment longer tolerating that which doesn’t serve us. We are evicted from the lives we live. We are liberated and it’s up to us to find out what is next. Where are we going? You lose all your friends, become estranged from family and actually it’s ok. It’s time to move on. As they say in Scotland “What is for you will not go by you”. And as it stands you just have to trust in the universe as you take a huge leap into the abyss. Its ok monsters can be friendly and incredibly kind. Dancing with the devil in the sea of the blind. ‘Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose’.
Then all of a sudden it’s time for reinvention and you literally get to decide how to invent yourself. What a wonderful thought….