Isn’t this the reason that we are all fucked up in the first place? Yeah probably. We are going to have to go a few hashtags deep before we seriously move beyond this. And yes relationships fuck you up. Here’s the real fucker if you ask any serious guru or even a friendly yogi they’ll tell you that they may well be the very reason why we exist at all. We are the universe experiencing itself. I am you, you are me and we together mirror each other. If I’m pissing you off it’s actually all about what you have or have not mastered in yourself. Yes, that. I know it’s annoying. No matter how your spin we are all being forcibly sucked into relationships, even if it’s with the slugs in your own personal hermit cave. #justsaying. Not much we can do about it unless your planning for a big exit.
So how do we heal relationships? That depends on the relationship? Yet at the same time, it largely depends on you and the inner dialogue you are touting. We treat people the way that we have been treated. The science is clear. We perpetuate what we don’t heal. Many of us grew up in a family of dysfunction. As adults, it is by no means an excuse to set up camp and live there. We all have choices in this life. We all get to chose how to treat people and more than this we get to chose how we get treated.
I have struggled most of my life, specifically in romantic relationships because it’s really hard to break what has been modelled to us. More then this it’s hard to break the beliefs systems you’ve been born into. What I have learned in the last twelves months is that in the west martyrdom is a paradigm we’ve been idolising for a few millennia now and it’s not working out for us. That we need to be patient, kind, noble. That in no way should we find our Kali-esk offering of the dark side or get deep down and dirty with our inner Darth Vader. What if you want to be the villain. You see these are the polarities that we live with, we are too kind, then we have to claw back out self-respect through some vengeful tactics, that we might even particularly like like Blue Tiffany boxes containing shit. Anyways I think you get what I am saying. This life is a never-ending commitment to stop your inner shit storm spilling out on to the outer realms and into the streets or into other peoples lives. The only way to create relational healing is to heal the way we relate to ourselves and cut out anybody that treats us less than that. They say we can’t heal in the places that broke us. Yet we have to be willing to break to learn something new. You have got to change your approach, change your attitude as see that we are all broken in our own special and unique ways. That we have to add love to the hurt especially when it comes to our own wounds before we go picking at anybody else’s.
I keep going on about how the last 2 years have brought forth radical transformation in my life. Without telling you what is going on. Nor am I going to share here and there is a reason for this. Sharing isn’t always safe and it’s a privilege to hear my story, it’s going to be gritty and chewy and eyewatering when we get there, and still, I’m not there. I’m not ready to share and you know what that is totally ok.
I personally have been undergoing a rather profound transformation. In the most extreme circumstances. It will all come out in the wash, I’m sure. For now though its a privilege to hear my story and I am not ready to go public yet. Watch this space. What has been truly incredible as a result is taking time to get back to myself. What does that mean? It means sometimes due to work, circumstances or relationships we can actually lose sight of ourselves. The world gets under our skin and we become human doings rather then the beautiful human beings that we are. We lose our sense of joy, our emotional well being and thus our sense of purpose. This can be the result of our environment, the mistaken idea of what we are meant to do, or even be, in certain situations. Then everything changes and there is space for something entirely new.